# So, I said something rude & stupid at a party. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 12, 2010, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863 "2010-12-12T06:05:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Add99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/977dab/32.png) [@Add99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Add99)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/41 "2010-12-13T16:04:02Z")
My Italian-American co-worker from Jersey had the best response ever. Racism isn’t rampant in the deep South, but we have some throwbacks. The tirade of N-word this N-word that was met with a calm, “My mother is black.” I never saw someone’s mouth open and close repeatedly before. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/42 "2010-12-13T17:00:53Z")
"Have you ever noticed when a white person says ‘It’s a great place to raise a family’ what they really mean is ‘It’s really, really segregated.’ " -Daniel Tosh ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/43 "2010-12-13T17:18:56Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > If Dr Huxtable moves in next door I am going to be pretty excited. Fred Sanford, not so much. You’d choose Dr. Huxtable with those sweaters over Fred Sanford, who’s accompanied by a constant stream of one of the best earworm theme songs ever?! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/44 "2010-12-13T17:19:21Z")
Well, not exactly similar, but in a class my mom was teaching, a couple of men made some disparaging remarks about Hispanics (in San Antonio, where the Hispanics have been living at least 300 years longer than the white people). My mom’s response, in her pissed-off, precise I Am Mother/Teacher Feel My Wrath sweet Southern tone was: “My, I didn’t realize there really were people so stupid they would say something like that in public.” She said later she felt bad about that because it stifled the discussion she’d been leading, but I think it was more about her students doing a [Maxell commercial impression](http://www.totalmedia.com/content/images/public/maninchair.jpg) at her total awesomeness. ---
**Author:** ![pdunderhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4bbf92/32.png) [@pdunderhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pdunderhill)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/45 "2010-12-13T18:24:44Z")
Years ago while working for the BBC I went to a workshop about combating casual racism. We were given a very similar scenario as the OP’s. The solution which has worked for me is to catch the eye of the commentator and either frown or slowly shake my head. This seems to work for a ‘first offence’ as it keeps your disapproval personal ie doesn’t publicise it and as a mild admonition accepts it as possibly a slip of the tongue. If the individual persists then a retort along the lines of: ‘I feel very uncomfortable with this conversation’ works wonders. If this is unsuccessful then I get the hell out of Dodge as this is not the kind of party I want to be at, ever. With thanks, as usual, for this excellent board. Peter ---
**Author:** ![smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smoke)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/46 "2010-12-14T14:49:55Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > Sneak bragger. I agree that silence is no longer acceptable but coming to the Straight Dope of all places to get propped up under the guise of of having been rude (because of how others made you feel) is silly. If you need to vent about your racsist friends, just do it. Totally. I would like to take this opportunity to complain about my tiny 8" cock. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/47 "2010-12-15T04:02:15Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Well, not exactly similar, but in a class my mom was teaching, a couple of men made some disparaging remarks about Hispanics (in San Antonio, where the Hispanics have been living at least 300 years longer than the white people) That’s amazing! My grandfather lived to be 96, and I thought that was the record! Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/48 "2010-12-15T04:04:11Z")
> [@pdunderhill](#): > > Years ago while working for the BBC I went to a workshop about combating casual racism. We were given a very similar scenario as the OP’s. The solution which has worked for me is to catch the eye of the commentator and either frown or slowly shake my head. This seems to work for a ‘first offence’ as it keeps your disapproval personal ie doesn’t publicise it and as a mild admonition accepts it as possibly a slip of the tongue. > If the individual persists then a retort along the lines of: ‘I feel very uncomfortable with this conversation’ works wonders. If this is unsuccessful then I get the hell out of Dodge as this is not the kind of party I want to be at, ever. > With thanks, as usual, for this excellent board. > Peter Or, one could leave another person’s home without being rude. That’s the whole point of manners. Sure, you aren’t killing the person, but, he isn’t either, so, one goes ones own way, and let’s them find their \*own \*forum. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863/49 "2010-12-21T17:11:10Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Racism is a known party-killer. They Might Be Giants even wrote a song about it: > > This is where the party ends, > I can’t stand here listening to you > And your racist friend. > > I know politics bore you, > But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you > And your racist friend. I was sitting here, singing that to myself as I was reading this thread… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-said-something-rude-stupid-at-a-party/563863.md?page=2)