# So I think I need some help **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600 "2012-12-10T15:18:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/121 "2012-12-13T15:32:36Z")
> [@baileygrrrl](#): > > But I didn’t drink last night! So, how do you feel today? Headache? Nausea? Lethargy? ---
**Author:** ![baileygrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@baileygrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baileygrrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/122 "2012-12-13T15:41:02Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > So, how do you feel today? > > Headache? > > Nausea? > > Lethargy? Heck no, I feel awesome compared to usual! ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/123 "2012-12-13T15:44:32Z")
🆒 ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/124 "2012-12-13T16:06:57Z")
> [@baileygrrrl](#): > > I did call EAP and they were SO helpful. They are arranging an appointment for me with a drug/alcohol counselor and they provided me with a number of resourses in my area that I can contact. > > I haven’t told my husband yet. Couldn’t find the nerve to do it last night. But I didn’t drink last night! Good for you! EAP’s really do work, I’ve used the before as well. I’m so, so glad you are kicking things in to gear. I understand your fear of telling your husband. He should probably be at this EAP meeting though, don’t you think? Or maybe, if you need, you can set up an appointment with a therapist and bring him with you and tell him there, so you have that third party support? I obviously don’t know your husband, but it’s an option. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/125 "2012-12-13T17:06:14Z")
> [@baileygrrrl](#): > > Heck no, I feel awesome compared to usual! Well, that’s something to hang onto, down the road once you’re all cleaned up and sober 😉 and something tempts you as it inevitably will: “When I drink, I feel like utter crap. When I don’t drink, I feel awesome. Would I prefer to feel crappy, or awesome?” Good luck to ya. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/126 "2012-12-13T17:12:29Z")
> [@baileygrrrl](#): > > I did call EAP and they were SO helpful. They are arranging an appointment for me with a drug/alcohol counselor and they provided me with a number of resourses in my area that I can contact. > > I haven’t told my husband yet. Couldn’t find the nerve to do it last night. But I didn’t drink last night! _wild applause_ Yay! Huuuuuugggee step forward. EAPs are great. And hey, one more sober evening with your kids! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/127 "2012-12-13T19:07:03Z")
I encourage you to attend a few big AA meetings, baileygrrrl, even if AA isn’t for you in the long run. For one, you’ll discover that half the people in the room have social anxiety and that no one cares. You’ll be welcome even if you’re a quivering mass of jelly. This isn’t exactly a rare thing at AA. Second, you’ll be astounded at all the alcoholics! This is why it’s important to go to one of the larger meetings. You need to see a whole room chock full of alcoholics. Hell, you’ll probably see a few of your friends and family members. You really need to get over the idea that alcohol and drug abuse are these big shameful monster things that people will be shocked to find out about. This is just another thing that alcoholics do to avoid dealing–we make ourselves out to be so very special, even if our specialness is our huge sense of shame. Go hang out with a bunch of drunks. It will do you good. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/128 "2012-12-13T19:11:03Z")
I’m really glad to hear it, **baileygrrrl**. You’re on the right track. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/129 "2012-12-13T20:39:19Z")
Another benefit of going to meetings is hanging out with people who’ve gone through similar experiences. There’s going to be times when you’re going to think that quitting is too difficult and you won’t make it. On your own, you might give in to your self-doubts. But other people will be able to tell you that they experienced the same problems and they survived them and were able to go on to quit. ---
**Author:** ![baileygrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@baileygrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baileygrrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/130 "2012-12-14T13:30:44Z")
I told him last night. It didn’t go well. He found yet another one of my stashed bottles and asked about it. I asked him to sit down and tearfully told him that I had a problem and needed help. I told him the problem was bigger than me and I couldn’t do it on my own. He shut down. He said he was mad and needed time to think. I tried to get a dialogue going. He said “this needs to stop right now”. I told him that if I could just stop, we wouldn’t be having his talk. I asked him if he thought alcoholism was a disease. He said "yes, but I hate when people use that as an excuse. He said I was putting our marriage in jeopardy. He then just shut down and went to bed. I’m not sure what I was expecting but I wasn’t expecting this. I feel broken. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/131 "2012-12-14T13:57:27Z")
That was very courageous, **baileygrrrl**. It sounds to me like your husband took it fairly well, actually. He’s only human, after all. ---
**Author:** ![baileygrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@baileygrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baileygrrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/132 "2012-12-14T14:06:18Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > That was very courageous, **baileygrrrl**. > > It sounds to me like your husband took it fairly well, actually. He’s only human, after all. Thanks for the perspective. I guess it could have been worse. I guess I was hoping that he would be more supportive. Maybe give me some credit for getting up the courage to have a very difficult talk with him. But you are right, he’s human and he’s hurt badly. I told him that I needed help to stop drinking and either he was going to support me or he wasn’t. He said he needed to think about it. I’m sure he will support me in the end. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/133 "2012-12-14T14:17:10Z")
He probably will be more supportive once he’s done being mad. But don’t look for brownie points and don’t let the lack of them keep you from doing what needs to be done. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/134 "2012-12-14T14:29:56Z")
> [@baileygrrrl](#): > > I am in Canada as well. Specifically Ontario. [Homewood Health Care Centre](http://homewood.org/learning-about-homewood)in Guelph, Ontario. ---
**Author:** ![baileygrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@baileygrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baileygrrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/135 "2012-12-14T14:34:48Z")
Thanks. I have a call in to [http://www.paarc.com/contactus.php](http://www.paarc.com/contactus.php) just waiting to hear back. The first step is to have an assessment to determine the extent of the problem and to suggest appropriate treatment. I hope I hear from them soon. ---
**Author:** ![baileygrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@baileygrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baileygrrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/136 "2012-12-14T14:38:09Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > He probably will be more supportive once he’s done being mad. But don’t look for brownie points and don’t let the lack of them keep you from doing what needs to be done. Thanks. I hope so. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/137 "2012-12-14T14:58:21Z")
I’m glad you talked to him last night, and I’m glad you are being so proactive. I mean, it’s only been days since you made this post and look how much you’ve done already. Congratulations! My husband was angry when it all came out as well. He even threatened to leave at one point. But, after a few days, he came around and was 100% supportive of everything. He realized that I had to look after myself, and he also realized it would be tough. Your husband will come around too. If you can, see if you can find a local therapist to help you two through this. It will make him understand what is going on for you, and will help you be patient with his need to process this all and decide what he is going to do / how he’s going to handle it. We’re all very proud of you, ya know. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/138 "2012-12-14T15:17:59Z")
**baileygrrl** , I agree with\*\* EmAnJ \*\*and am amazed at your strength. You’ve made me stop and think about how my drinking may be affecting my family and wondering why it is that I seem to “need” a couple of manhattans every night before bedtime. It seems odd to say that I’m proud of someone I’ve never met, but I am. You can do this, and your husband will come around. Right now he’s probably feeling hurt that you hid this from him, stupid for not seeing it himself, and maybe even guilty for not bringing up his worries about your drinking that he’s been hiding from you. Keep talking to him and don’t let him shut down. ---
**Author:** ![cougar58](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@cougar58](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cougar58)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/139 "2012-12-14T16:12:15Z")
Bailey Rent or buy this movie: > **[When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111693/reviews)** > > When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more... “when a man loves a woman” with Meg Ryan, as an alcoholic wife. It came out in 1994, the very year i had my first live-in woman, an alcoholic, whom i almost became engaged to… Its a very powerful movie, so grab the kleenex box and watch it together. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600/140 "2012-12-14T16:50:09Z")
Give your husband time and space to process. In the meantime, I hope that knowing a bunch of random strangers are pulling for you helps, at least a bit, even though you’re not doing this for us; you’re doing this for yourself, for your kids, for your husband, for your marriage, for your physical health, for your mental health, and did I mention: for yourself. Good luck, hang in there, and I hope you have a lovely weekend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-think-i-need-some-help/643600.md?page=8)