# So I was eating my wife's pussy... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 14, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930 "2001-01-14T00:41:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/1 "2001-01-14T00:41:18Z")
Just a few tips for you ladies. ( Sue I hope you don’t mind me hijacking your topic 🙂 ) 1. I love to give a lady pleasure but before hand please be sure and wash that thang…the whole thang and nothing but the thang ok? Inside and out. A little bit of musky odor can be sexy but too much of a good thing is still too much. 2. If you get carried away, try and remember not to put a head lock on the hubby with your thighs and calves, this ain’t the WCW and most of us big strong men still have a fragile neck. Also there is very little air in the muff diving arena, so give us a second to get a gulp now and then. 3. After we are through and crawl up on top of you to complete the sex act, don’t avoid kissing us just because our chins look like we have been eating glazed doughnuts. _You_ know where that tongue has been. 4. And please forgive us if we don’t use sophisticated techniques like the “butterfly flick”. Most of us have only heard about it on an episode of LA LAW and don’t have a clue what it really is. And finally remember, getting your crotch eaten is a privledge not a right. Oh and yes, you can say thank you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/2 "2001-01-14T00:47:24Z")
Lol aha, you rule. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/3 "2001-01-14T01:29:09Z")
And don’t eat beans beforehand, either. ---
**Author:** ![Road\_Rash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@Road\_Rash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Road_Rash)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/4 "2001-01-14T01:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aha \* > \*\*2. If you get carried away, try and remember not to put a head lock on the hubby with your thighs and calves, this ain’t the WCW and most of us big strong men still have a fragile neck. Also there is very little air in the muff diving arena, so give us a second to get a gulp now and then. \*\* I actually kind of like the figure-4 on the head with the thighs and calves. I brace the weight with a tight grip of my arms around the thighs and hips and the hands firmly gripping each ass. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/5 "2001-01-14T01:56:01Z")
Damn, I was gonna start this thread, but I got involved in the pledege of alliegance debacle over in GD. Oh well. Bravo, **aha**. ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/6 "2001-01-14T03:44:37Z")
I like kissing the man after… its so _bad_… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/7 "2001-01-14T04:12:42Z")
> [@](#): > > …hands firmly gripping each ass. I have been searching for a double-butted chic my whole life! What will you take for her? ---
**Author:** ![nowalls99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e68b1a/32.png) [@nowalls99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nowalls99)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/8 "2001-01-14T04:31:59Z")
Sorry, aha, I couldn’t help myself. ---
**Author:** ![Road\_Rash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@Road\_Rash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Road_Rash)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/9 "2001-01-14T07:55:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lexicon \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > …hands firmly gripping each ass. > > I have been searching for a double-butted chic my whole life! What will you take for her? \*\* Cute. You know what I mean. Each ass cheek. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/10 "2001-01-14T08:16:11Z")
Y’know, pretty soon this is going to get to the point when I’m gonna open up a “So I was sitting there whackin’ off…” thread, which will really be just another recap into the TMI thread, and I’m sure everyone’s heard all they want to about toothpaste… ---
**Author:** ![King\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7bcc69/32.png) [@King\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/King_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/11 "2001-01-14T09:13:55Z")
Didn’t the late, great **Sam Kinison** have a skit about this? Something about licking the alphabet… ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/12 "2001-01-14T09:21:33Z")
I think we should add another rule: **5. If you can do something really cool with your vagina, like smoke a cigarette with it, you are _obligated_ to demonstrate it at some point.** Hey **soccerhooligan** , I tried that once. It actually works! But you have to do the whole alphabet about a dozen times. The idea is that you don’t want to focus too much on any one area until she’s just about ready to come and asks you to. Doing the alphabet keeps you moving around the area. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/13 "2001-01-14T09:28:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*The idea is that you don’t want to focus too much on any one area until she’s just about ready to come and asks you to. Doing the alphabet keeps you moving around the area. > > \*\* Let me give you boys a tip–the alphabet thing only works if you already know what you’re doing down there. If you just dive in singing the little song in your head to keep your place, it will not work. We know about this technique and the only thing worse than receiving bad oral sex is being able to recite the alphabet along with your licking and wishing you’d just hurry up and get to Z already! ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/14 "2001-01-14T09:52:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*I tried that [alphabet cunnilingus] once. It actually works! \*\* > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by evilbeth_ > \*\*Let me give you boys a tip–the alphabet thing only works if you already know what you’re doing down there. > \*\* Why thanks, **evilbeth**! I always had a sneaking suspicion that I was above average. Now I have clear evidence! 😃 What I was really getting at with the alphabet thing is that it’s an easy way to remember to avoid going straight for the clit and setting up camp. Everything from her asshole to the top of her bush and halfway down each thigh should be involved. And that’s just where you put your _mouth_. Now, your _hands…_ ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/15 "2001-01-14T10:11:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*Everything from her asshole to the top of her bush and halfway down each thigh should be involved. And that’s just where you put your _mouth_. Now, your _hands…_ > \*\* I knew there was something I liked about you! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/16 "2001-01-14T11:46:49Z")
Not that there’s anything wrong with going straight for the clit and setting up camp there. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/17 "2001-01-14T16:31:23Z")
> [@](#): > > What I was really getting at with the alphabet thing is that it’s an easy way to remember to avoid going straight for the clit and setting up camp. I proclaim this clit for England! You can’t claim this clit. We live here! There’s bloody five hundred million of us living here. Do you have a flag? ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/18 "2001-01-14T16:55:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > What I was really getting at with the alphabet thing is that it’s an easy way to remember to avoid going straight for the clit and setting up camp. > > I proclaim this clit for England! > You can’t claim this clit. We live here! There’s bloody five hundred million of us living here. > Do you have a flag? \*\* Five hundred million? That either feels REALLY good, or hurts like hell. Not having a clit, I wouldnt know. And dosnt claiming a place for a place involve stabbing a flag into the ground? _wince…_ ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/19 "2001-01-14T17:07:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by soccerhooligan \* > \*\*Didn’t the late, great **Sam Kinison** have a skit about this? Something about licking the alphabet… \*\* According to Kinison, the women would squeal, “Oooh! Capital T! I just love capital T!” I have never gotten such a response. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930/20 "2001-01-14T17:11:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kellibelli \* > \*\*I like kissing the man after… its so _bad_… 😃 \*\* Whoa! Naughty kelli! 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-eating-my-wifes-pussy/49930.md?page=2)