# So, I was fucking my boyfriend the other day... (sex in non-sex related topics) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 3, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204 "2009-02-03T02:35:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/61 "2009-02-03T15:42:18Z")
I made the mistake of reading this thread before breakfast. I was planning on honestly eating oatmeal. Now all I can think about is penises, damnit. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/62 "2009-02-03T16:33:21Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > Funny, the other night my wife was telling me she had a headache and I immediately had this peanut butter and jelly thing all figured out. Which reminds me of a joke: A husband walks up to his wife with 2 aspirin and a glass of water. Husband: “Here, I thought you might need this.” Wife: “Why? I don’t have a headache.” Husband: “Good, then let’s fuck.” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/63 "2009-02-03T18:12:18Z")
I find that if I start some minute rice just beforehand… ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/64 "2009-02-03T18:57:31Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > What is the purpose of thinking about Jesus or a bible verse while masturbating? To make you lose desire? There is such a thing as “emergency masturbation material” - the Sears catalog underwear section, for instance. The Song of Solomon is what you use when stuck spending the weekend at your very religous grandmother’s house and need to wack off. “My love’s breasts are like twin does…” are enough for a sufficiently motivated 13 year old boy if nothing else is available. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/65 "2009-02-03T19:38:52Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > I sense a possible new OW! internet meme here, but I’m unable to OW! articulate it properly right now because OW! my girlfriend’s anus keeps OW! clenching up really bad on me…OW! You should get a new laptop, one that runs cooler. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/66 "2009-02-03T22:51:48Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > 1. What is the purpose of thinking about Jesus or a bible verse while masturbating? To make you lose desire? (Like, good Christians aren’t supposed to masturbate.) I try to fit myself into the role of Onan as he was inventing the money shot, and then picture Er’s wife as a '69-era Raquel Welch. Right before I always get struck by a damn lightning bolt. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/67 "2009-02-03T22:56:28Z")
> [@Duke\_of\_Rat](#): > > Right before I always get struck by a damn lightning bolt. Wow - being a masturbating Christian sucks… ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/68 "2009-02-03T23:14:08Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Wow - being a masturbating Christian sucks… And you definitely don’t want to be struck by lightning if you are bent over sucking. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/69 "2009-02-03T23:27:17Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Wow - being a masturbating Christian sucks… You seem to be confusing acting out a fantasy (that I was only playing along with for the sake of playing along. Onan got whacked by God, but I’m not sure it was by a lightning bolt) with reality. In reality, I’m no Christian…or any other religion. Now the '69-era Raquel Welch part is 100% true, guilty as charged. If you were only joking, then that’s pretty good 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/70 "2009-02-03T23:34:12Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Just make sure you don’t get the grape jelly mixed up with the KY. It will freak out your gynecologist on your next visit. > [@Dan Aykroyd](#): > > With a name like Smuckers, it **has** to be good !!! 😉 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/71 "2009-02-03T23:49:44Z")
Think of the post the OP talks about as the link between where pan-fried semen came from and where it ended up. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/72 "2009-02-03T23:56:27Z")
> [@Duke\_of\_Rat](#): > > You seem to be confusing acting out a fantasy (that I was only playing along with for the sake of playing along. Onan got whacked by God, but I’m not sure it was by a lightning bolt) with reality. Woosh! > [@](#): > > If you were only joking, then that’s pretty good 😃 Adding that doesn’t stop you being wooshed, my friend. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/73 "2009-02-05T14:26:02Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > There is such a thing as “emergency masturbation material” - the Sears catalog underwear section, for instance. The Song of Solomon is what you use when stuck spending the weekend at your very religous grandmother’s house and need to wack off. “My love’s breasts are like twin does…” are enough for a sufficiently motivated 13 year old boy if nothing else is available. I had some bad news on this subject recently. I was having a routine medical when the female doctor(Which came as a surprise I can tell you!)told me that I would have to stop masturbating. This shocked me to the core,I’ve read all of that stuff about Prostate Cancer thats been in the news recently and was a little worried. Why ? Why? Well I’m trying to examine you… ---
**Author:** ![Lykaios](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b38774/32.png) [@Lykaios](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lykaios)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/74 "2009-02-05T16:42:12Z")
> [@seodoa](#): > > I think oatmeal would be better. It’s warm, soft, and seems to demand that I stick my penis into it. I’m ashamed it took me almost thirty years to discern the meaning of sowing your wild oats. Now I realize why the Quaker guy had that knowing smile on his face. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/75 "2009-02-05T16:47:15Z")
_Grape_ jelly is “standard”? Really? ---
**Author:** ![PetW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PetW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PetW)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/76 "2009-02-06T01:17:00Z")
Nah, Strawberry is standard. Grape is for people that are awesome. Oh, and I typed this post after repeatedly slamming my penis in the car door. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/77 "2009-02-06T16:57:26Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > with or without brown sugar on top? Rolled or steel cut? ---
**Author:** ![seodoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@seodoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seodoa)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/78 "2009-02-07T02:42:12Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Rolled or steel cut? Honey, not brown sugar, using rolled oats. If I’m eating the oatmeal, I prefer steel cut and often add banana, but rolled oats make for much better dick-pokin’ oatmeal. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/79 "2009-02-07T02:48:29Z")
And don’t even ask where he’s ‘adding’ that banana… ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204/80 "2009-02-07T03:03:01Z")
> [@seodoa](#): > > Honey, not brown sugar, using rolled oats. If I’m eating the oatmeal, I prefer steel cut and often add banana, but rolled oats make for much better dick-pokin’ oatmeal. I like instant for quickies. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-was-fucking-my-boyfriend-the-other-day-sex-in-non-sex-related-topics/484204.md?page=5)