# So I went to my first big "swinger's party"...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 4, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608 "2016-10-04T00:11:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 4, 2016, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/21 "2016-10-04T23:16:43Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#):
>
> You’re saying it’s absolutely impossible that once you were naked and she understood the full extent of the disability that the wife realized she couldn’t fake it through her lack of attraction to you enough to get off?
Of course not. But I was there and I know it wasn’t the case. I mean, the “full extent” of my disability is I can’t move my legs. I can do _everything_ else. And I’m not stupid, I know when a girl is into me. She was into me. Something happened with her husband to change that.
> [@madsircool](#):
>
> Agree with you.
>
> Also, unless protection is mandated like in bathhouses, this is a potential public health disaster waiting to happen. How soon we forget how the HIV virus was so easily spread.
Everyone uses condoms. It’s not “mandated” because that would be unenforceable. But the lifestyle is very pro-protection.
> [@Robot\_Arm](#):
>
> In your previous thread on this subject, wasn’t it one of your ground rules that you’d stay together and not separate to do things alone?
I did, you’re right. But once we were there, I wasn’t bothered by it at all. It seemed like a natural move, considering how crowded the bed was.
> [@Riemann](#):
>
> There’s a world of difference between unconventional non-monogamous open relationships and just a mass orgy with a crowd of strangers. With the latter, what’s really happening other than utterly casual purely physical lust? Not that there’s anything wrong with that if it’s done safely and it’s your thing, but why would you expect to be judged on anything other than raw physical sex appeal? Physical attributes will surely dominate most interactions, for good or ill.
Agreed. But why would you think I was not in possession of those attributes? :D;)
> [@leftfield6](#):
>
> I’ll take “Threads that are not going to work out well for the OP, for $1000, please.”:rolleyes:
I think you’re right. :smack:
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#):
>
> I was already having a hard time taking you seriously, and then you drop this little pearl of wisdom in at the end:
>
> Ummmm, ok :dubious:
> mmm
I could not care less whether you take me seriously or even read my posts. My recommendation to anyone to experience this was not a recommendation for anything sexual. It was simply as a human experience.
---
### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 4, 2016, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/22 "2016-10-04T23:22:12Z")
> [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](#):
>
> It’s an ambivalid thread. If he sticks to pattern he’ll be along shortly to tell us his contradictions aren’t contradictions.
Where have I contradicted myself? 😕
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### Author:  [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)
#### Post date: [October 4, 2016, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/23 "2016-10-04T23:24:58Z")
I realize that when you know something it isn’t easy to sway you from your certainty until you decide for yourself that an idea needs reevaluating.
I hope you and your GF got out of this what you hoped for and more.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 4, 2016, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/24 "2016-10-04T23:28:32Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#):
>
> I realize that when you know something it isn’t easy to sway you from your certainty until you decide for yourself that an idea needs reevaluating.
Why are you saying this? This party was **fun** , a good thing. The silliness with the couple was nothing more than a blip on an otherwise good time. My recommendation was **not** to start swinging, it was simply to _attend_ a swinger’s party.
I think many here are overestimating the extent to which my disability hinders my sex life. This woman was fawning all over me the entire night. I don’t have any “bad surprises” when I take my clothes off.
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### Author:  [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/25 "2016-10-05T00:00:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> …I think many here are overestimating the extent to which my disability hinders my sex life…
I don’t think anyone’s challenging the fact that you’re objectively quite clearly [too sexy for your shirt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ). But, different strokes for different folks and all that. I was questioning your suggestion that physical attributes (whether yours or anyone else’s) could not be a factor in a meat-market environment where people are basically sizing each up as casual fuck buddies. It was the first time you got naked with somebody you had known an hour or two, and yet you understand everything that was going through her mind?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/26 "2016-10-05T00:13:17Z")
> [@Riemann](#):
>
> I was questioning your suggestion that physical attributes (whether yours or anyone else’s) could not be a factor in a meat-market environment where people are basically sizing each up as casual fuck buddies. It was the first time you got naked with somebody you had known an hour or two, and yet you understand everything that was going through her mind?
I do not believe I ever made such a sweeping statement (or suggestion). It would be ridiculous to say that physical attributes aren’t the number one factor with swingers. All I said was _in this specific situation_, they absolutely were not a factor in how things went bad. And no, I didn’t know everything going on in her head. What is it you imagine might have changed her mind about me? Because other than a vague, “you use a wheelchair!” notion, I don’t understand what it is specifically that you believe might have turned her off physically.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/27 "2016-10-05T00:53:28Z")
> [@Riemann](#):
>
> I don’t think anyone’s challenging the fact that you’re objectively quite clearly [too sexy for your shirt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ). But, different strokes for different folks and all that. I was questioning your suggestion that physical attributes (whether yours or anyone else’s) could not be a factor in a meat-market environment where people are basically sizing each up as casual fuck buddies. It was the first time you got naked with somebody you had known an hour or two, and yet you understand everything that was going through her mind?
Are you aware that Ambivalid is a body builder? Granted he has issues with his legs, as in, he can’t move them, but based on pictures of him the rest of his body is significantly above average when it comes to fitness and looks. I suppose she could have gotten cold feet at some point but given he uses a wheelchair to get around it’s not like she would have gotten into bed with him not knowing he has a disability.
Who knows what was going on with the other party(s) involved?
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### Author:  [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/28 "2016-10-05T01:59:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Why are you saying this? This party was **fun** , a good thing. The silliness with the couple was nothing more than a blip on an otherwise good time.
Not to, well, bust your balls too much, but there’s something a little comical about saying, “everything about the swingers party was great except the sex.”
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/29 "2016-10-05T02:35:44Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Are you aware that Ambivalid is a body builder? Granted he has issues with his legs, as in, he can’t move them, but based on pictures of him the rest of his body is significantly above average when it comes to fitness and looks. I suppose she could have gotten cold feet at some point but given he uses a wheelchair to get around it’s not like she would have gotten into bed with him not knowing he has a disability.
>
> Who knows what was going on with the other party(s) involved?
Nobody’s saying he’s not _capable_. Just that some people might find a disability a turnoff. That’s all. It’s not meant to be an insult, just reality.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/30 "2016-10-05T03:21:39Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#):
>
> Nobody’s saying he’s not _capable_. Just that some people might find a disability a turnoff. That’s all. It’s not meant to be an insult, just reality.
If my disability turned her off, she wouldn’t have gotten naked in bed and begun blowing me in the first place. How stupid.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/31 "2016-10-05T03:24:11Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#):
>
> Not to, well, bust your balls too much, but there’s something a little comical about saying, “everything about the swingers party was great except the sex.”
Why?? It was the theatrics of it all, the other-worldlyness (not a word, I know) of it. There was a lot of fun to be had without engaging in any sex acts. And the sex-issue didn’t arise until the very end of the night.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/32 "2016-10-05T03:27:19Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#):
>
> Nobody’s saying he’s not _capable_. Just that some people might find a disability a turnoff. That’s all. It’s not meant to be an insult, just reality.
She wasn’t talking about my capability. She was talking about my _appeal_.
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### Author:  [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/33 "2016-10-05T04:05:10Z")
Wow! Not for me! Obviously, not for the other woman, either. I feel bad for her.
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### Author:  [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/34 "2016-10-05T04:17:17Z")
I’m with Ambivilad on this. I think I’ve seen pictures of him back when he used his real, or close to, name on this board, and although he’s not my preferred gender, he seemed obviously attractive. I find it hard to believe that someone would be into him when his disability is plainly there to see, and then suddenly not be into him because of his disability. Much more likely that something else was going on.
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### Author:  [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/35 "2016-10-05T06:04:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Where have I contradicted myself? 😕
It was awesome
The evening was ruined
This couple clearly wasn’t cut out for the lifestyle
A lot of other couples have disparate interest levels and unhealthy communication WRT the lifestyle
Everyone should do it
They wouldn’t tell you what happened
You don’t know what happened
You _do_ know what _didn’t_ happen
I believe you went, I believe you’ve given an accurate account of the events from your perspective, but you write in the style of bad fiction and when anyone tells you there are plot holes you get defensive and write apologetics.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/36 "2016-10-05T06:14:31Z")
> [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](#):
>
> It was awesome
> The evening was ruined
>
> This couple clearly wasn’t cut out for the lifestyle
> A lot of other couples have disparate interest levels and unhealthy communication WRT the lifestyle
> Everyone should do it
>
> They wouldn’t tell you what happened
> You don’t know what happened
> You _do_ know what _didn’t_ happen
>
> I believe you went, I believe you’ve given an accurate account of the events from your perspective, but you write in the style of bad fiction and when anyone tells you there are plot holes you get defensive and write apologetics.
Read for comprehension, guy. I never advocated the swinging lifestyle to anyone. All I fucking did was recommend _going to a party_. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/37 "2016-10-05T07:36:04Z")
Have to admit, think that was pretty clear to me; recommendation for everyone to go to one for a look, but not necessarily for everyone to get involved.
Curious, you say full of couples and single women? Are single men not allowed or something, or just of no interest to you so not listed?
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### Author:  [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/38 "2016-10-05T09:13:14Z")
> [@Filbert](#):
>
> Are single men not allowed or something, or just of no interest to you so not listed?
I think there are a lot of reasons for this, but the biggest one is that you’ll end up with the ratio being 95% men.
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### Author:  [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/39 "2016-10-05T09:55:23Z")
I’m curious about the setting. This must have been a regular hotel, yes? One that hosts swingers parties?
If not a ‘normal’ hotel, then what type of facility?
mmm
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [October 5, 2016, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/40 "2016-10-05T11:07:01Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> It’s an experience I recommend to anyone in a relationship, irrespective of ‘swinger’ status. Nobody does anything they don’t want at these parties, many people just come to watch. It’s something any couple could attend, and I think it’s an experience worth having. Wow.
My husband and I actually met in a place like that, each having been in similar places many, many times. But as a couple … no. He would get a whole lot of unwanted attention and I’d be bored.
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#):
>
> You’re saying it’s absolutely impossible that once you were naked and she understood the full extent of the disability that the wife realized she couldn’t fake it through her lack of attraction to you enough to get off?
Have you seen a photo of **Ambivalid**? If there’s any “lack of attraction,” it’s due to _her_ disability … blindness.
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