# So I went to my first big "swinger's party"... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608 "2016-10-04T00:11:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/41 "2016-10-05T13:04:53Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Read for comprehension, guy. I never advocated the swinging lifestyle to anyone. All I fucking did was recommend _going to a party_. :rolleyes: Yep, _a party._ Just a normal, everyday sort of party. Y’know, the kind where everyone needs to wear a prophylactic. You’re coming across as shrill when you address the other posters’ concerns. The use of italics and the rolleyes smilies aren’t winning you any converts to the blue balls freak-fest. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/42 "2016-10-05T13:50:27Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > Have to admit, think that was pretty clear to me; recommendation for everyone to go to one for a look, but not necessarily for everyone to get involved. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > It’s an experience I recommend to anyone in a relationship, irrespective of ‘swinger’ status. \*\*Nobody does anything they don’t want at these parties, many people just come to watch. \*\*It’s something any couple could attend, and I think it’s an experience worth having. Wow. It was totally clear what he meant. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/43 "2016-10-05T17:14:05Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > My husband and I actually met in a place like that, each having been in similar places many, many times. But as a couple … no. He would get a whole lot of unwanted attention and I’d be bored. > Have you seen a photo of **Ambivalid**? If there’s any “lack of attraction,” it’s due to _her_ disability … blindness. I have not, no. I congratulate you on having seen a \*naked \*picture of another Doper. In any case, I’ve learned from experience that a guy’s personality may be so incredibly awful that unless their body or skills make up for it in some impressive way I can’t sustain sexual attraction. My point was that he refused to entertain any other idea but that suddenly the wife was overcome w/ jealousy at a younger woman having sex w/ her husband and fled to bust them up. And as usual he gets upset (which he won’t admit) at the suggestion his assumption is anything but unassailable fact. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/44 "2016-10-05T17:21:16Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I have not, no. I congratulate you on having seen a \*naked \*picture of another Doper. In any case, I’ve learned from experience that a guy’s personality may be so incredibly awful that unless their body or skills make up for it in some impressive way I can’t sustain sexual attraction. > My point was that he refused to entertain any other idea but that suddenly the wife was overcome w/ jealousy at a younger woman having sex w/ her husband and fled to bust them up. And as usual he gets upset (which he won’t admit) at the suggestion his assumption is anything but unassailable fact. LOL! The only thing that irritates me is when folks can’t seem to read. And I absolutely did not refuse to entertain any other ideas, I just strongly disagreed with the idea that my disability had any bearing on this situation whatsoever. I’ve lived my life with this disability for more than 16 years. I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing discomfort in other people in re to my disability. I guess you’re just gonna have to not take my word for it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/45 "2016-10-05T17:31:51Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > In any case, I’ve learned from experience that a guy’s personality may be so incredibly awful … Yes, that could definitely be the case here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/46 "2016-10-05T19:00:18Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > But I just wanted to share this experience here because this is a world that the vast majority of people simply don’t know anything about. It was wild to be in an environment so unabashedly sexually open. And the people themselves at the party were comprised of a surprisingly wide spectrum of types. It wasn’t mostly good looking people, altho there were plenty of those too. But there were old women walking around naked, obese and fit people alike, just about every kind of person you could imagine was there. I imagine a lot of the less attractive people at these parties could end up feeling some serious rejection there. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/47 "2016-10-05T19:14:17Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I imagine a lot of the less attractive people at these parties could end up feeling some serious rejection there. Oh dude, it was mostly less-attractive people, relatively speaking. Attractive people hooked up with other attractive people, and the same for the less-attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/48 "2016-10-05T19:56:41Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Read for comprehension, guy. I never advocated the swinging lifestyle to anyone. All I fucking did was recommend _going to a party_. :rolleyes: I wouldn’t have thought they’d want people coming just to stand around and stare. You know, kind of like curiosity seekers. What is proper “orgy etiquette”? LOL ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2016, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/49 "2016-10-05T22:58:00Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I wouldn’t have thought they’d want people coming just to stand around and stare. You know, kind of like curiosity seekers. What is proper “orgy etiquette”? LOL Just adhere to a “no means no” standard, as well as relinquish any mobile device before entering. Other than that, there is no etiquette. Absolutely nobody is pushed, pressured or expected to do anything. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/50 "2016-10-06T01:06:00Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I’m curious about the setting. This must have been a regular hotel, yes? One that hosts swingers parties? > > If not a ‘normal’ hotel, then what type of facility? > mmm Re-posting, awaiting an answer. mmm ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/51 "2016-10-06T03:25:03Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Re-posting, awaiting an answer. > mmm I’m curious as well. Surely when I stop off at the Hampton Inn for the free HBO and hot breakfast, this isn’t going on in the conference rooms. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/52 "2016-10-06T04:12:49Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Re-posting, awaiting an answer. > mmm > [@UltraVires](#): > > I’m curious as well. Surely when I stop off at the Hampton Inn for the free HBO and hot breakfast, this isn’t going on in the conference rooms. It’s a normal hotel, the organizers simply rent the entire hotel for a night. So everyone is there for the party. ETA: they are normal hotels, usually a bit more upscale. “Conference center”-type hotels. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/53 "2016-10-06T06:35:52Z")
How many people were there, and how much did you pay to get in? It seems unlikely they could recoup the cost of renting an entire hotel for the night. And what about people who already had reservations for that night? The places I went to were all in private clubs, or other venues that were only used for that purpose. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/54 "2016-10-06T09:44:13Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Have you seen a photo of **Ambivalid**? If there’s any “lack of attraction,” it’s due to _her_ disability … blindness. QFT. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/55 "2016-10-06T10:04:39Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It’s a normal hotel, the organizers simply rent the entire hotel for a night. So everyone is there for the party. > > ETA: they are normal hotels, usually a bit more upscale. “Conference center”-type hotels. Is anyone else having a hard time with this? ‘Conference center’ hotels are typically very large. The _entire hotel_ is rented? Meaning a) the organizers can afford this and b) the hotel is ok with turning down (or cancelling) regular business for this to happen. And the regular employees are wandering about the hot tub sex, the orgies, the couch-side blowjobs, the fantasy room with “all sorts of kinky sex equipment”? Housekeeper: “Y’all need more lube?” mmm ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/56 "2016-10-06T10:32:22Z")
I don’t have a problem with that bit, at all. It’s a conference… somewhat peculiar, but hey, not so different from any other one from a business point of view. I’ve been in hotels that were completely booked by my company or by the conference we were attending, quite a few times. Did you know there are business conferences for the sexy-stuff industry? They rent the fairgrounds and fill the hotels around it, just like any other business fair. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/57 "2016-10-06T12:29:20Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > why would you expect to be judged on anything other than raw physical sex appeal? Physical attributes will surely dominate most interactions, for good or ill. > [@Riemann](#): > > I was questioning your suggestion that physical attributes (whether yours or anyone else’s) could not be a factor in a meat-market environment where people are basically sizing each up as casual fuck buddies. Here’s a question for Ambi—was everyone at the party hot? Or were only the hot people getting it on? Was there a reject pile of unattractive people? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/58 "2016-10-06T12:40:58Z")
He already said: > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Oh dude, it was mostly less-attractive people, relatively speaking. Attractive people hooked up with other attractive people, and the same for the less-attractive. So, you know, the same as back when I was 15 but with less clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/59 "2016-10-06T17:58:55Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > And the regular employees are wandering about the hot tub sex, the orgies, the couch-side blowjobs, the fantasy room with “all sorts of kinky sex equipment”? I’m just wondering how extensively its all cleaned up afterwards. I recently watched ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’, its an education on how the other half lives _(I’m thinking of the stag-night on the aeroplane in particular)_ ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/60 "2016-10-06T18:16:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Read for comprehension, guy. [I’m not your guy, friend.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuQK6t2Esng) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608.md?page=4)