# So I went to my first big "swinger's party"... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608 "2016-10-04T00:11:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/101 "2016-10-07T21:36:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I wonder if the tarp industry has conventions. Sure. They’re usually called something like “It’s A Tarp!”. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/102 "2016-10-07T23:02:13Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I wonder if the tarp industry has conventions. They could probably get the hotels super cheap. I would expect any industry big enough to have products in big box stores to have conventions. It may not be directly ‘the tarp industry’ since the people who make outdoor tarps are generally different than the people who make painter’s dropcloths, but I’m sure there’s a convention of people who sell plastic sheeting of various sorts. That’s another astonishing thing in this thread, that people (not this post) find the idea of a convention renting out a hotel surprising to the point that they ask ‘how could that possibly work?’ It’s a really common thing, and not just for ‘oddball’ conventions but for all kinds of trade shows, conventions, and conferences. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/103 "2016-10-07T23:05:31Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I’m inclined to believe him if he says that there aren’t any unpleasant surprises when he takes off his clothes. Yeah I really don’t understand what anyone even thinks might be bad when I disrobe. I can’t move my legs. That’s it. I don’t wear a pee bag or use catheters and I’m certainly not wearing a diaper? So what is it? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/104 "2016-10-07T23:12:37Z")
A few years back I started a thread stating that I was invited to participate in a foursome. I’m on my phone now and am not going to try searching. Anyway, I declined the foursome (2f and 2m) because I’m not comfortable doing that, although it sure as hell intrigues me on every level. The other three participants told me they were going to a sex/swingers party in a week or so which was being held at the swankiest hotel in downtown Ottawa. They had reserved a wing and ballroom and stuff. This is THE best and most well known hotel in Ottawa. The friggin’ Queen stays at this place. I was shocked. I was invited. I also declined. Sent from my adequate mobile device. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/105 "2016-10-08T00:25:20Z")
OK, I am convinced. Renting out an entire "regular’ hotel for a swingers party is a thing. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/106 "2016-10-08T01:22:17Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yeah I really don’t understand what anyone even thinks might be bad when I disrobe. I can’t move my legs. That’s it. I don’t wear a pee bag or use catheters and I’m certainly not wearing a diaper? So what is it? Not every person who likes dicks likes \*\*every \*\*dick; there is NO one preferred, one-size-fits-all, ticks-every-box dick. They may prefer a certain kind/style/shape/color/angle/size/flavor/scent dick depending on their mood, and moods change. No one likes to be person #1 telling person #2 their particular genitals aren’t what person #1 enjoys, b/c there will be a ‘Why not?’ conversation that nobody wants to have. Your dick may have not been the kind/style/shape/color/angle/size/flavor/scent dick that the wife had hoped to enjoy that evening. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/107 "2016-10-08T01:41:21Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Not every person who likes dicks likes \*\*every \*\*dick; there is NO one preferred, one-size-fits-all, ticks-every-box dick. They may prefer a certain kind/style/shape/color/angle/size/flavor/scent dick depending on their mood, and moods change. No one likes to be person #1 telling person #2 their particular genitals aren’t what person #1 enjoys, b/c there will be a ‘Why not?’ conversation that nobody wants to have. > Your dick may have not been the kind/style/shape/color/angle/size/flavor/scent dick that the wife had hoped to enjoy that evening. But the issue that was brought up was my disability, not my dick size/appearance. It was speculated that upon disrobing, I’d be revealing the “true extent” of my disability, which would freak someone out or turn them off. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/108 "2016-10-08T01:51:42Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I don’t wear a pee bag or use catheters and I’m certainly not wearing a diaper? Maybe that was where you went wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/109 "2016-10-08T01:52:19Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > I have a few questions about all this before I decide to try it out with my partner, or not: > > - was breakfast included in the $50, and was it buffet, full English or continental? > > - was there ample, secure parking with valet service? > > - did they provide hypo-allergenic pillows? > > - did the rooms have a trouser-press? > > - was there free wi-fi? > > - did they take Visa and Amex? > > - was there a cancellation fee? Also, - is it handy for Junction 9 off the M11? - does the hotel allow a guest to have their own special big plate for breakfast? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/110 "2016-10-08T02:27:37Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > But the issue that was brought up was my disability, not my dick size/appearance. It was speculated that upon disrobing, I’d be revealing the “true extent” of my disability, which would freak someone out or turn them off. Just like you I’m speculating b/c I wasn’t inside her head. But my ego’s not involved, so I didn’t come up w/ a reason that preserves it. Best of luck to you and your GF on your continued outings, sounds like you know the road you want to take and so long as you continue to be flexible and keep openly communicating w/ her I genuinely think you’ll have great fun. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/111 "2016-10-08T02:40:33Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > But my ego’s not involved, so I didn’t come up w/ a reason that preserves it. ? This is amazing. Think what you want. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/112 "2016-10-08T02:42:27Z")
The fact that things went downhill immediately after her husband and my girlfriend went into the other room in the suite strongly suggests that _that_ was the impetus for her sudden change. Not anything about my dick or my wheelchair. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/113 "2016-10-08T02:45:16Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Maybe that was where you went wrong. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/114 "2016-10-08T02:57:28Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > ? This is amazing. Think what you want. 🙂 Thinking what we want is all either of us can do is my point, yes. I’m glad for you that your world is expanding and you’re hopefully going to be obsessing less over what this particular group of internet strangers thinks of every.single.detail of your sex life, that they must agree w/ and swallow is unassailable fact everything you say has gone on. I’ll never know what our disagreements or dissenting opinions take from you but it must be a lot for how hard you fight having to reconsider anything. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/115 "2016-10-08T03:12:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > But the issue that was brought up was my disability, not my dick size/appearance. It was speculated that upon disrobing, I’d be revealing the “true extent” of my disability, which would freak someone out or turn them off. Perhaps she was a “devotee,” and was disappointed to discover that you have NO external signs of disability. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608/116 "2016-10-09T23:29:54Z")
Sounds to me it’s more likely her partner broke one of their rules. You mentioned yourself it seemed like she was just going along with it and not really wanting it for herself. I’d consider that a happy ending; the last thing I’d want, personally, is reluctant sex with someone feeling pressured. And it sounds like you got some useful knowledge out of it for where you and your girl want to go in the future. I am honestly surprised you were surprised by what you witnessed. I guess it’s one thing to know a certain subculture exists and another to experience it firsthand. I’m glad for you, but it’s not an experience I think everyone needs to have. What you’re describing is introvert hell, even with no anonymous stranger sex involved. Six hundred people? Good god. It was probably really loud, wasn’t it? I hate loud places. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-went-to-my-first-big-swingers-party/767608.md?page=5)