# So, if you could have a tail... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358 "2003-05-29T20:33:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/1 "2003-05-29T20:33:27Z")
Suppose modern science develops a way for folks to have a tail. Somehow you can grow one in a week or have one surgically attached. What kind of tail would YOU have? Stubby, like a bobcat? Cute-n-fluffy like a fox? Perhaps a defensive one, similiar to an alligator? Maybe a fishtail, for you Dopers on the coast? As for me, I’d go with prehensile. Just the thing to hold my beer while surfing the Net. ---
**Author:** ![skaterboarder87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@skaterboarder87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skaterboarder87)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/2 "2003-05-29T20:39:29Z")
A 767’s. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Magic8ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Miss\_Magic8ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Magic8ball)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/3 "2003-05-29T20:43:57Z")
I’d want a cats tail… I coul wave it around to warn people when they’re pissing me off. ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/4 "2003-05-29T20:58:13Z")
Ah, someone beat me to it! I’ve been planning to start this thread for a while, but never bothered hurrying myself up because I figured, no-one else is that much of a nutcase. Clearly, I was wrong. For myself, I’d have a black tail, a long, thick, fluffy one, sort of the same shape as a German Shepherd’s tail. Serves no purpose except looking pretty. Which is probably an accurate description of me as a whole. **Buck the Diver** - please tell me to go away if you don’t want your thread hijacked, but as well as asking people what kind of tail they’d have, my thread was going to involve speculations on things about our society that would be different if humans had tails. I was thinking about holes in the backs of chairs and in the backs of pairs of pants, but nothing else sprung to mind. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/5 "2003-05-29T21:12:31Z")
Beaver tail. Whack! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/6 "2003-05-29T21:49:33Z")
Definitely prehensile. Maybe something Kurt Wagnerish…actually, no–furless is probably the way to go. Think about it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/7 "2003-05-29T22:02:16Z")
Cat’s tail - a long, swishy floofy tail preferable tortoise shell. ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/8 "2003-05-29T22:22:56Z")
Definitely either the Nightcrawler-ish pointed tail, or one of the tails like Goliath from that old show “Gargoyles”. Of course, if they could make tails, are wings out of the question? ---
**Author:** ![GlendaWitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@GlendaWitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GlendaWitch)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/9 "2003-05-29T23:02:46Z")
It would have to be something I could hang from or swing through trees with . I’d also like to be able to hold a hair dryer with it. ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/10 "2003-05-29T23:11:41Z")
Sign me the hell up. A tail is a sincere lack in my life. I want a cheetah tail, please. Aside from physical changes to clothes and furniture (like what Loneraven discussed), I wonder what kind of social mores would develop around tails? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/11 "2003-05-29T23:15:10Z")
Just a little curly one like a pig’s will do me just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Ashkicker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@Ashkicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashkicker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/12 "2003-05-29T23:55:15Z")
I’d like a scorpion tail. If you pissed me off I could sting you with it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/13 "2003-05-30T00:32:33Z")
Stubby? _Stubby_?? _ **STUBBY** _??? You have insulted me, sir. Hold still whilst I whap you with my tail. 😛 Stubby, indeed. Hmph. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/14 "2003-05-30T00:36:18Z")
I have to agree with prehensile. Absolutely. What good is a tail if you can’t do cool stuff with it? It would have the ability to change color based on my mood or the color of my shirt and pants. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/15 "2003-05-30T00:47:42Z")
A catlike tail. One that could serve many different functions. To show moods, to pick things up etc. But it would need to be pretty and fluffy, like an angora cat. ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/16 "2003-05-30T00:50:22Z")
I’d want a horse’s tail, so I could swat the pesky bugs that buzz around me. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/17 "2003-05-30T00:52:30Z")
It’s a toss up between Nightcrawler’s tail or a crocodile tail for swimming and thwacking annoying things. This sort of reminds me of a Dr. Seuess story where this kid imagines what it would be like if he had different animal parts. Fasion-wise, kilts would be popular and the phrase “nice piece of tail” would be literal. ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/18 "2003-05-30T01:06:32Z")
Prehensile flesh colored with a bunch of wicked tatoos on it. I’d also add on a metal spearhead for effect. It would be another arm and a backscratcher. It would be great for my daily routine if I could grab stuff behind me with it. Tails are sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/19 "2003-05-30T03:48:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Loneraven \* > \*\*I’ve been planning to start this thread for a while, but never bothered hurrying myself up because I figured, no-one else is that much of a nutcase. > > Clearly, I was wrong.\*\* Uh…thanks, I guess. \*\* > [@](#): > > my thread was going to involve speculations on things about our society that would be different if humans had tails. I was thinking about holes in the backs of chairs and in the backs of pairs of pants, but nothing else sprung to mind. \*\* Now you’ve got me curious. What say you folks? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358/20 "2003-05-30T03:50:05Z")
No one else wants a monkey tail? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-could-have-a-tail/178358.md?page=2)