# So if you had to die, what funny way would it be? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 14, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619 "2006-09-14T00:01:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/21 "2006-09-14T04:09:32Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] But the question isn’t “how do you want to die” it’s what hilarious way would you want to die, so that it is funny to talk about after the fact. The sex thing isn’t funny, it’s just a male fantasy of “the perfect way to go” and doesn’t fit the question. [/QUOTE] Well, trust me, it was really funny at the time. I guess you just had to be there. Maybe death from skull trauma inflicted by a huge falling palletload of hardhats. Or some sort of bizarre cycling accident, where I wind up impaled by one of those big horns with the squeeze bulb. Paramedics arrive too late, and I breathe my last surrounded by a crowd of bystanders who witness my final tragic death honk. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_loblaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@bob\_loblaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_loblaw)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/22 "2006-09-14T04:56:21Z")
accidently skydiving with a backpack full of camping gear, instead of a parachute… but landing in water, still alive, though with broken legs, and unable to swim away from course of the ongoing powerboat race i landed amidst. luckily, i will survive (barely) long enough to experience my ambulance getting broadsided by a stolen, speeding dumptruck haulinging a load of cow manure. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/23 "2006-09-14T05:05:52Z")
Buffalo stampede. In some sort of pudding vat. ---
**Author:** ![RumMunkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@RumMunkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RumMunkey)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/24 "2006-09-14T13:30:35Z")
> [@](#): > > So if you had to die, what funny way would it be? Whaddya mean “_if_”? You mean I _don’t_ have to die eventually? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/25 "2006-09-14T13:34:47Z")
[QUOTE=Cunctator] Instantaneous death from a lightning strike would be a pretty spectacular way to go. [/QUOTE] Right after you win the largest lottery ever. This is how I want to go. It is called **The 1% factor** ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/26 "2006-09-14T13:40:14Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] > [@me](#): > > Pudding asphyxiation. Well DUH. But how? [/QUOTE] Ideally at the hands (and, preferably, breasts) of Scarlett Johansson. On second thought, pudding first, Scarlett last. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/27 "2006-09-14T13:45:36Z")
Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure. One minute; here’s Mangetout - the next; fwoop! No more Mangetout. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/28 "2006-09-14T13:49:36Z")
[QUOTE=RumMunkey] Whaddya mean “_if_”? You mean I _don’t_ have to die eventually? [/QUOTE] You should check your email more often. Jeez. :rolleyes: For me: I’d like to be at an SCA event in full armor, on my way out to the field to fight in a melee, when I’m sucked up by a tornado, carried on the winds, and dropped dead in a cornfield 20 miles from nowhere, to be found, still in full plate, by one very confused farmer… ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/29 "2006-09-14T13:54:08Z")
Upon awaking, discover that I have sleep-walked onto some AMTRAK rails with no chance of diving out of the way…so I headbutt the train. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/30 "2006-09-14T14:12:23Z")
Underneath the wheels of the Ice Cream Truck with \*Turkey In The Straw \* (on bells!) playing jauntily over and over and over and over and over… ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/31 "2006-09-14T17:04:17Z")
I think the best have already been used. 1. Second City Chicago did a skit about the funeral for a man who died after he got his head stuck in a gallon can of Van Camp’s Pork and Beans. The widow is crying, the son is outraged and the visitors are doing their damndest to not laugh. My favorite line is the widow saying, “I remember his last words. ‘I’m hungry. I think there’s some beans in the cabinet.” She goes on to describe finding him in the kitchen with the can over his head, bouncing off the walls cause he can’t get it unstuck. As she is saying this the visitors are stifling their laughs and you can’t tell if they are laughing or crying. 2. From _Monty Python’s Meaning of Life_: The condemned man being chased off a cliff by a troop of topless women. 3. Ricardo Montalban’s death in _Naked Gun_: falling off a high balcony and then being run over by everything, including a marching band playing “Louie, Louie.” Personally, I think dying when your sex doll explodes would be interesting. I don’t just mean a regular explosion either. I mean Hindenburg type blast. “He went out with a bang.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/32 "2006-09-14T17:44:20Z")
Tragic drag racing accident. There I am, in 8-inch platforms, a blue-sequined cocktail dress, and a 2-foot blue beehive wig. The ref fires the gun, and we’re off! I’m doing well, heading into the home stretch, and then it strikes. I break a heel and go down. On the way to the ground, one of my 4-inch, silver eyelashes breaks loose (because I changed brands on glue. A girl knows you should stick with what works, but there was a sale) and slices my throat. With my dying gasp, I make sure I roll on to my back and straighten my wig and dress so I can die looking as fabulous as I lived. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/33 "2006-09-14T18:21:54Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Go back to the table. Sit down. Pick up my book. Sip the coffee gingerly to gauge the heat. Blow on it a bit. Turn to the next page of the book. Sip on the coffee again. Then, I’m attacked by a leopard. [/QUOTE] You win! ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/34 "2006-09-14T18:50:57Z")
Check out today’s [Non Sequitur](http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2006/09/14/)😃 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/35 "2006-09-15T00:29:38Z")
While blowing a clown baloon, I trip over my own feet. This causes me to inhale the balloon. I try mightily to get the thing out of my throat, or convey that I am choking. But, the kids just think I’m doing a hilarious shtick. I turn various colors, thrash like crazy, emit weird sounds, and expire. A minute later, the balloon pops and my tensed muscles cause my corpse to projectile vomit. Several parents are covered in my last meal. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/36 "2006-09-15T01:43:14Z")
Fall into a furniture reupholstery machine just so the newspaper can read: “Fortunately, the body was recovered.” ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/37 "2006-09-15T02:04:39Z")
Well, being a now-Chairborne warrior, I can only describe my untimely demise in such fashion: I’m sitting at my computer, banging on the keyboard, making paper come out of the printer. Suddenly a scream erupts from the copier/fax room: it’s a toner leak! Being the only rated HAZMAT/Toner guy on the floor, I immediately don my Kevlar flak jacket and helmet, as well as my response vest (always stowed in my system furniture’s overhead storage), and emerge from my cubicle ready for work. I immediately storm down the hall, to where a small crowd has gathered around the doorway to the copier room. I part the crowd and notice the one lady who shrieked in panic still standing there, pointing at the puddle of toner on the floor. I ask her what happened, and she whimpers, “I came in here to send a fax to Montana, when I noticed the leak. . . and when I looked at the control panel, it kept blinking. I didn’t know what else to do!” I quietly tell her it’s all going to be alright, and escort her out of the room. I square off to the machine, and notice that the power to the shredder and the fax machine are still on. This is good–I don’t want a power fluctuation to the copier sparking across the toner, igniting it all in the fraction of a second. But, with toner leaking all over the place, I don’t have much time–the laminating machine is still powered up and the warmed plastic might just set everything off. Immediately, I whip out my SOG tool and flashlight. Despite the danger, I lay in the puddle on the floor, and gently open Tray 1 and Tray 2, removing the potentially flammable A4 paper and the 11x17" sheets. I peer inside the guts of the monster and can clearly see three wires connected from the main power bus to the drum, which seems to have worn a leak in the toner tray. . . I’ve got a one in three chance: I can cut the blue, the green, or the red. With time running out, the laminating machine warming up, and toner leaking all over me and the floor, I have to make a snap decision. . . Unfortunately, I cut the green wire. :smack: Tripler PowerPoint Ranger, Very Special Forces, XVIII Chairborne Corps ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/38 "2006-09-15T02:08:16Z")
Step One: Shave my head. Step Two: Tie myself to a 220 foot bridge by the ankles with 110 feet of rope. Step Three: Tie 90 feet of 400lbs fishing line around my neck and to the bridge. Step Four: Superglue my hands to my head. Step Five: Jump off the bridge. Unfortunately, this is not original, but it’s still my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/39 "2006-09-15T03:08:08Z")
1. Log onto the Dope to read MPSIMS 2. Read hysterically funny thread, causing soda to head toward the monitor, while attempting to suppress the spray, and suffer frightening but non-fatal choking episode 3. Executed ninja-style by Opal, who has finally snapped at being dragged her into One. Too. Damn. Many. Two-Item. Lists. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619/40 "2006-09-15T03:14:35Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu] Step One: Shave my head. Step Two: Tie myself to a 220 foot bridge by the ankles with 110 feet of rope. Step Three: Tie 90 feet of 400lbs fishing line around my neck and to the bridge. Step Four: Superglue my hands to my head. Step Five: Jump off the bridge. Unfortunately, this is not original, but it’s still my favorite. [/QUOTE] I just want to say, this posting required quite a bit of thought for Typo Knig and I to figure out why each step was necessary. But we worked through it step by step (verbally only, we chose NOT to attempt to replicate it) and yep… each step is necessary to attain the complete effect. The visual image was _quite_ entertaining. why yes, we _are_ a pair of sick fucks. Why do you ask? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-if-you-had-to-die-what-funny-way-would-it-be/372619.md?page=3)