# So I'm considering letting my son live with his dad... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053 "2011-05-24T19:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053/101 "2011-05-28T15:38:52Z")
> [@treis](#): > > I don’t understand why staying where you are isn’t under consideration. Almost all of my friends from high school I met as a freshman. Moving during high school is very damaging, imho. High school is where you start to create your first real long term friendships. Friendships that revolve around actual emotions and shared connections instead of ‘play dates’. Hitting the reset button half way through on all those relationships isn’t healthy. Not to mention the fact that, if you want to go to college, recommendations and activities in high school are critical. It’s difficult to build up any of that when you’re only in a school for one year. You may achieve something in each place, but the progression is important, too, and you lose that. My sister-in-law and her husband had to do the live-apart thing for a few years while one of their sons finished high school. No, it wasn’t ideal for many reasons, but there were positive aspects that made it the right decision. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053/102 "2011-05-28T18:48:05Z")
> [@treis](#): > > Maybe.. But read between the lines a bit. What is under consideration isn’t a move to his Dad’s now. Where his dad lives now would not really be practical for Dominic moving in. His room there is basically a storage area. When he visits, he usually opts to sleep on the couch rather than in his room, in fact. (Which he actually likes, I think because there is a TV out there.) ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053/103 "2011-05-28T20:10:02Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Where his dad lives now would not really be practical for Dominic moving in. His room there is basically a storage area. When he visits, he usually opts to sleep on the couch rather than in his room, in fact. (Which he actually likes, I think because there is a TV out there.) As if this makes it better. Gee Son, I’d really love for you to come live with me, but I’ve got some crap stored in the other bedroom. Give me a year and I’ll get it cleared out. What you need to do is decide, in the absence of all other considerations, what is the best situation for your son. The four options that seem to be out there are: (1) Stay where he is. (2) Move once, maybe twice, to stay with Mom. (3) Move in with Dad. (4) Move in with Dad and delinquent. If (1) is best for your son, then you need to look at the ways to make that happen. It could mean your husband sacrificing a bit in his career and limiting his possibilities to your current area. It could mean cutting back, taking a second job, and saving up money so that you can stay in the same place while husband does his fellowship elsewhere. From where I am sitting, neither of these seem to be that big of sacrifices. (2) Really does not seem like a good option for your son. If it is (3), then that move should happen as soon as possible, because that will be best in the long term. If his room is uninhabitable because it is used as a storage area, then that needs to change. Ex needs to rent a storage unit, buy a shed, or get rid of the stuff. This isn’t a process that should take more than a few days. (4) Also does not seem like a good option. It sounds like your son has been through a lot with the divorce, remarriage, bullying, and moving around a lot. If he’s made it through all that without much behavioral issue, I’d consider yourself lucky. I also wouldn’t continue pressing my luck by making major disruptive changes to his life. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2011, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053/104 "2011-05-29T00:05:22Z")
> [@treis](#): > > As if this makes it better. Gee Son, I’d really love for you to come live with me, but I’ve got some crap stored in the other bedroom. Give me a year and I’ll get it cleared out. I think it’s like this. Dad currently lives apart from his SO. They are planning to move in together to a different, larger place. When this happens, the delinquent may or may not be with SO (his mom), and I think that depends on whether or not he’s a guest of the county at that time. It sounds like a game of Mousetrap. Can all these moves and all these configurations really happen in the best possible sequence? Or at all? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-considering-letting-my-son-live-with-his-dad/583053.md?page=5)