This is a good piece of advice… but please don’t interpret this as meaning that you have to suggest a face-to-face meeting in the first email (or even the second, for that matter). It’s usually a good idea to exchange 3-4 emails to establish that there’s some compatibility beyond similar musical tastes or favourite movies.
Of all my adventures in internet dating, the most memorable ones were the result of agreeing to meet someone after one convo (and by memorable, I don’t mean GOOD memorable). In most cases, I’m pretty sure it would’ve been immediately obvious that these guys weren’t a good fit had I just bothered to exchange a few more emails. Those dates did make for some good stories after the fact, though.
I realise that most everyone lies to say they’re thinner, but it’s annoying to sift through 300 results that one search criteria could narrow it down to 50 (that will then be 50% innacurate.)
I totally agree on the “meet soon” thing. It saves a ton of time and energy.
My “procedure” is as follows:
–Receive email from guy. If it looks good, respond.
–Exchange a few emails. But I don’t bother with too many emails, because I’d rather move on to IM if everything seems kosher.
–Chat via IM. I find IM to be the most powerful vetting tool. I can elaborate if anybody’s interested.
–If I’m still interested after a good bit of IMing, I offer to speak by phone.
–Talking to someone on the phone will usually quickly give me a “no” or “go ahead” signal.
–If I’m still interested after all that, I set up a meeting in a public place.
The contact can end at any point. For most guys, I either have a “just, no” reaction or no motivation to continue to talk with them. So they drop out. For a guy to stay in throughout the “process” requires consistent “yes” reactions from me.
But none of it really matters until I actually meet the person.
Anyway, for your amusement, here’s a threadabout one particular guy’s sneaky IM ploy…
Another up-side to the “meeting soon” thing that I thought of while writing a reply to the above-linked thread: Some guys are not actually looking for a real-life meet. They just want some on-line titillation. So by meeting sooner rather than later, you’re confirming that they are, in fact, looking to meet face-to-face.
I’ve been considering trying this, but one thing that’s giving me second thoughts is that all the ads on TV talk about how their service will help you find “your perfect match” and the endorsements are all about how “we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together”. I’ve not looking for the love of my life, just someone (or possibly several someones) to get together with instead of sitting around my place vegetating.
Those ads are for eharmony, which also costs an arm and a leg. For casual dating, OKCupid is fine – they in fact have options like “friends” and “booty calls” in their “what are you looking for” checklist.
Hmmm…“booty calls”. Not into that at the moment, but it would be nice to find someone who likes to cuddle and engage in “related activities” but not going “all the way”.
I’m sure you’re aware that there are sites out there other than eHarmony or Chemistry.com or even Match.com. There are sites out there for people seeking just about any type of “dating” situation.
I mean, this is the age of the internet! If you want to find your wuv-twoo-wuv, there’s eHarmony. If you want a casual lay, try Craigslist or Adult Friend Finder. If you want someone to tie you up and poop on your head, there’s alt.com. The possibilities are endless.
I think there have been several threads on the SDMB discussing the culture of different dating sites. Those threads should help you get started in finding the right sort of site for your needs.
p.s. A bit of advice, Lurkie? In your profile, leave out the part about vegetating in your apartment.
In all seriousness, I am also going to try online dating again soon. I actually met 2 out of my 3 ex-GFs online, although not from dating sites. I met them on Final Fantasy XI and www.mylanguageexchange.com, respectively. Although I hear that all language exchange sites are really just disguised dating, which does match with a lot of the profiles I read
Don’t forget that you can respond to a guy’s ad, as well. There are plenty of wonderful men out there, who are too decent to spam women, but are too shy to approach the women they like.
It would be a shame to limit your choice to “hunters only”. Browse profiles yourself, leave a short message, and then let the guy do the work to come to you.
I guess I should have explained why my procedure only included that option. I get more email from potentially promising guys than I know what to do with already. Since I’ve been only looking for casual dating, just responding to people who contact me has been sufficient. You’re right though–I should definitely make more of an effort on my end, including trying some different sites, especially as I’m now willing to consider seeing someone on a more ongoing and caring basis. (Though I ain’t in eHarmony-land, that’s for damn sure! :eek: )
I’ve been using Matchdoctor and OkCupid for a while and had no success. I’ve come to the realization that for my personality online-dating is not going to work out the best. I’m going to start going to places that I can meet women at and try in person.
I have the opposite problem, since I tend to be quiet and almost painfully unable to start conversations with strangers in “social” situations. Chatting with grocery store clerks and such is easy for me, but assuming I ever went to a bar to try to meet people I’d just sit there watching and listening to everyone else.
Online is another story. I’ve gone to chat rooms and IM’ed with people with no problem. Something about being in a non face-to-face situation releases my inhibitions, I guess.
Green Bean, I may try to search for those threads sometime. Up until now I’ve been pretty much giving them a pass, but now that I’ve decided to stop “vegetating” it might be worth doing a little research. I did take a quick look at OKCupid earlier, and took their “Personality Quiz” which classified me as a “Backrubber” (which was pretty funny because I love giving backrubs, and even used to give virtual massages online).
I have a hard time time talking about myself “selling myself” to someone I know nothing about. I find it difficult to have a one sided conversation without any cues back. While I also find it had to read people (many times I will realize a few hours later that woman was hitting on me)
I think I would have a better time at Online Dating if someone replied to my personal first rather than me replying to theirs.
Hmm, promising guys, maybe there’s a genetic component … Could you ask some of those promising guys if the have single sisters or mothers (I’m in the 50-50 year old check box)?
it might be worth doing a little research. I did take a quick look at OKCupid earlier, and took their “Personality Quiz” which classified me as a “Backrubber” (which was pretty funny because I love giving backrubs, and even used to give virtual massages online).