# So I'm out of the family: or, Fionn comes out **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2006, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271 "2006-05-26T02:22:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/161 "2006-05-31T07:42:34Z")
Sorry to hear ab out the fuss. Others have said all that needs to be said…I just have a logical twist on the decision to cut-off contact: If your mom, et al, send you emails and voice messages, why do you want to hear or read them? If they are negative (as they seem to be), do you really want to read them? Is there any new information in them that will somehow make this all better? Doubtfully. If they are positive (ummm…yeah, right), do you really care right now after all of the hurt? Don’t you need some time to digest all of this? Even if mom said “I was wrong and I love you!” today, would you believe her? Take two giant steps back and stop torturing yourself. If I were to guess, you are getting this little itch to check your email over and over to see what is new. Stop it. It is unhealthy. It doesn’t seem like anything good can come out of it now. It also seems that mom keeps sending them because she is getting some sick sense of control and guilt over you. Take that away from her. Lastly, speaking from experience with 2 ex-girlfriends, being able to tell someone years later that you never read any of their mail, that the messages were deleted and the envelopes thrown in the trash, is quite a nice feeling. All of their holier-than-thou feelings with getting the last word in are neatly discarded. Good luck! -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/162 "2006-06-01T04:01:43Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] You beat me to it! I was about to recommend putting a block on the mother’s email address, and probably **Fionn’s** sister’s too, since sis is taking the hysterical-fury side in this drama. [/QUOTE] The sister taking sides is my mom’s sister. I only have a brother. Today actually passed without an e-mail. My brother told me that my dad had asked for my e-mail address, but he hadn’t sent anything. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/163 "2006-06-01T15:00:44Z")
Cutting off all contact for the time being seems appropriate, given the irrational treatment you’ve been subjected to, **Fionn**. But if they ever come around and seek reconciliation, how will they make contact? I suggest a personal visit by a neutral third party to convey their message. Hopefully it wouldn’t involve sending this messenger back and forth too many times to negotiate a reconciliation. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/164 "2006-06-01T17:12:33Z")
[QUOTE=Fionn] I seriously doubt that they would. I think by now they’re fully aware that I wouldn’t tolerate that bullshit. Mom’s been sending me the same e-mail over and over, with additions each time. I guess she must have saved it and is now cutting and pasting. In the latest incarnation, she’s now complaining that this has devastated my grandparents, and for the first time my grandfather has actually said he’s glad my grandmother is dead, so she doesn’t have to know this. I’ve resisted replying each time, but this time I was hugely attempted to reply “That’s why I didn’t want to tell them yet, you stupid fuck! They’d be fine right now if you didn’t have to have a drama queen moment and out me to them.” [/QUOTE] Sweetie…_stop reading the e-mails!_ Delete them unread, then delete them from your trash. Silence can speak volumes. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/165 "2006-06-01T17:26:06Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Sweetie…_stop reading the e-mails!_ Delete them unread, then delete them from your trash. Silence can speak volumes. [/QUOTE] If she’s using Outlook Express, she can add momma to the ‘blocked senders list’ without having to involve her ISP or even set up complicated rules. It’s under Tools/Message Rules/Blocked Senders. If you set your trash up to empty by default when you close down the program, you’ll never even have to glimpse what might be in there. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/166 "2006-06-01T17:46:29Z")
Hey **Fionn** I don’t have anything to add really but my heartfelt best wishes for you and your girlfriend and for peace and healing for you and your family whatever form that might take. Parents can be difficult creatures. And Thanks for reminding me, as a parent, how _not_ to act. ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Sweet\_Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Mercury)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271/167 "2006-06-01T19:57:50Z")
Just…wow. I have heard some pretty ridiculous coming out stories, but this seems to be the most extreme. I’m sorry. Your parents have acted childish, vindictive, and base, and your mother specifically seems to be the type that makes a dramatic mountain out of a mole hill so that all attentions and sympathies are directed towards her. That’s a shame. You have handled things remarkably well. And I would like to reiterate the advice that has already been given. Always maintain your pleasantness, and let them take the low road if they so choose. Personally, I take no stock in the idea that “family is family” and that, by some perverse twist of chance or providence that you are “stuck” with someone simply because they share DNA, so I would part ways with such people without a second thought. But I can’t expect you to do the same. Just always remember that there _are_ people out there who support you and help you in times of need. Those people are your true family, and they’ve earned the right to that title. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-out-of-the-family-or-fionn-comes-out/358271.md?page=8)