# So I'm popping over to the universal library for a bit. Can I get any of y'all anything? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 24, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284 "2010-02-24T18:20:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/1 "2010-02-24T18:20:23Z")
I have, of course, long since foresworn all my super-villainous ambitions, and anyone who says different is begging for a beating from the flying monkeys. Nonetheless, a series of misunderstands makes it needful that I temporarily relocate to someplace where neither Aslan, Kimball Kennison, nor the Guardians of the Universe have an extradition treaty. I shall be taking my holiday in Kurd Lasswitz’s Universal Library, which, as I’m sure you know, contains every book every written in the multiverse. How I came to possess the index to this library is an interesting story, but sadly too long to fit in the boundaries of this margin. _Anyway_–whilel in the UL, I shall be getting a couple of copies of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Compleat History of Sauron in the Second Age, detailing, among other things, the activities of the aforementioned Dark Lord during the forging of the Rings of Power. (It was written three Earth-analogs over, on a world where the Perfesser lived to be 117.) I’m told it’s a good read, as is The Moon is a Harsh Master, Robert Heinlein’s sequel to the Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, so I’ll be picking up a copy of that as well. Can I get anything for the rest of y’all? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/2 "2010-02-24T18:27:30Z")
Just make sure that you end up in Lasswitz’s library, not Borges’. Careful with those settings, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/3 "2010-02-24T18:27:32Z")
Can you get me a copy of Master Shakespeare’s [Loues Labours VVonne](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love%27s_Labour%27s_Won)? Either a manuscript copy or printed in quarto will do. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/4 "2010-02-24T18:34:42Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Just make sure that you end up in Lasswitz’s library, not Borges’. Careful with those settings, you know. I have, for obvious reasons, locked out all settings not merely for Borges’ library but for the 665 adjacent universes. Not gonna risk it. Zeb’s idea. (Deety would risk it.) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/5 "2010-02-24T18:36:20Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > Can you get me a copy of Master Shakespeare’s [Loues Labours VVonne](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love%27s_Labour%27s_Won)? Either a manuscript copy or printed in quarto will do. And a copy of Cardenio, while you’re at it? ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/6 "2010-02-24T18:48:17Z")
How about a copy of Tomorrow’s USA Today? I’m sure the Temporal Service Desk would be happy to help. (Edit) Also, the DVDs of _Firefly_ Seasons 2-5. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/7 "2010-02-24T18:50:20Z")
**The Mystery of Edwin Drood**. Be sure to use the Spoilers tag. The original manuscript of Carlyle’s **History of the French Revolution** , for comparison purposes. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/8 "2010-02-24T18:51:06Z")
I don’t need anything, but please give my regards to Lucien. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/9 "2010-02-24T18:54:03Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > **The Mystery of Edwin Drood**. Be sure to use the Spoilers tag. Me too for this one. As long as you’re in the Heinlein wing, get the stories mentioned in the Future History chart that never made it into Astounding. And please bring back the sequels to Rendezvous with Rama actually written by Clarke, not that Gentry Lee twit. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/10 "2010-02-24T18:56:48Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > How about a copy of Tomorrow’s USA Today? I’m sure the Temporal Service Desk would be happy to help. > > (Edit) Also, the DVDs of _Firefly_ Seasons 2-5. DVDs are not books. You want Earth-analog 19484-qd, where Firefly is in still in production and currently in the middle of the Zoe-Inara-Kaylee love triangle arc. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/11 "2010-02-24T18:57:26Z")
I’d really like a new copy of Achmed the “I just get these headaches”'s **Book of Humourous Cat Stories.** ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/12 "2010-02-24T19:01:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > DVDs are not books. You want Earth-analog 19484-qd, where Firefly is in still in production and currently in the middle of the Zoe-Inara-Kaylee love triangle arc. But we all know that Zoe is going to lose Kaylee to Inara! And that’s just Not Right. How can Wheden do that to her after what happened with Wash! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/13 "2010-02-24T19:05:57Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > But we all know that Zoe is going to lose Kaylee to Inara! And that’s just Not Right. How can Wheden do that to her after what happened with Wash! That’s just silly. In the first place, it’s Zoe & Inara who are rivals for Kaylee’s affection. In the second place, even if the situation you postulate were the case, Kaylee’s no fool. She would look at the circumstances, judge the odds that Zoe would kill her in a jealous rage (medium-high), then judge the odds that she could take Zoe in a fight (zero) and return to her communal marriage with Simon & River Tam. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/14 "2010-02-24T19:11:12Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > But we all know that Zoe is going to lose Kaylee to Inara! And that’s just Not Right. How can Whedon do that to her after what happened with Wash! Nix panicus. Wash is still around. Because in this analog it wasn’t necessary to engage in such foolishness because the show is a smash hit. The fact that it is on HBO over there doesn’t hurt, either. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/15 "2010-02-24T19:15:59Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Nix panicus. Wash is still around. Because in this analog it wasn’t necessary to engage in such foolishness because the show is a smash hit. The fact that it is on HBO over there doesn’t hurt, either. 😃 Fool of a Took! Was was always doomed. In Earth-analog 19484-qd, the story that became _Serenity_ was the two-part finale to the second season. I swear. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/16 "2010-02-24T19:19:37Z")
_Cold Fusion for Dummies_ for me, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/17 "2010-02-24T19:40:06Z")
Those “Thinking Machine” stories that Jacques Futrelle had with him on the Titanic ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/18 "2010-02-24T19:40:41Z")
Although I don’t foresee needing a new job in the immediate future, I still wouldn’t mind getting my hands on a copy of _What Color is Your Retro Rocket?_ and of course, _Under the Bleachers_ by Seymore Buttz. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/19 "2010-02-24T19:45:05Z")
I read the thread title as “pooping.” ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284/20 "2010-02-24T19:54:52Z")
I, personally, would like the complete Library at Alexandria in electronic format, translated into English, with an extensive table of contents and fully indexed. Likewise a complete set of Dead Sea Scrolls, a complete set of the Nag Hammadi scrolls, and the full sagas of Gilgamesh and Beowulf. There might be other items, but these are off the top of my head. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-popping-over-to-the-universal-library-for-a-bit-can-i-get-any-of-yall-anything/530284.md?page=2)