# So, I'm pretty sure my sister has an alcohol problem **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359 "2012-01-23T02:18:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/41 "2012-01-23T15:42:23Z")
I just looked at my facebook profile. I am 40 years old. I do not have a drinking problem. My profile picture was taken in a bar. I’m not holding a drink, but there’s one in front of me. Of the five pictures at the top of my profile, three of them are of my friends and I in bars. One is at a wedding. One is a picture of the door of a bar. Then I checked five friends’ profiles. They range in age from 30 - 50. The ones without children had similar pics. The ones with children had similar pics, mixed with pics of their children. To the best of my knowledge, none of them are alcoholics. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/42 "2012-01-23T15:56:56Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I just looked at my facebook profile. I am 40 years old. I do not have a drinking problem. My profile picture was taken in a bar. I’m not holding a drink, but there’s one in front of me. Of the five pictures at the top of my profile, three of them are of my friends and I in bars. One is at a wedding. One is a picture of the door of a bar. > > Then I checked five friends’ profiles. They range in age from 30 - 50. The ones without children had similar pics. The ones with children had similar pics, mixed with pics of their children. To the best of my knowledge, none of them are alcoholics. But how many of your pictures have cats? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/43 "2012-01-23T16:15:50Z")
Armatures should \*never \*do “drive-by” mental health diagnoses. Only qualified psychiatrists can evaluate based on a 15-minute intake interview or a glance at your Facebook page. Well, that and a call to verify insurance coverage. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/44 "2012-01-23T16:26:24Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Armatures should \*never \*do “drive-by” mental health diagnoses. Only qualified psychiatrists can evaluate based on a 15-minute intake interview or a glance at your Facebook page. Well, that and a call to verify insurance coverage. Well, architectural structures _are_ known for their presumptuousness. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/45 "2012-01-23T17:28:25Z")
The first step for a recovring bad speller is to aknowlege it. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/46 "2012-01-23T19:14:38Z")
The reason I’m at 70% yes, is that the alcohol seems to be very important to Lil’ Sis. It’s one of the earliest signs that the path of social drinking has taken a bad turn, and certainly not indicative of active alcoholism. However, the centrality of theme on her postings, the lack of reasoned, logical response, and the emotional extended shunning of Big Sis after the conversation leads me to believe that alcohol has become a _very important element_ in her life. If someone said to me - “Look, the pictures of you holding flowers on your Facebook page might make potential employers look askance, you shoudl really remove them.” I’d think they were crazy. But I’d probably also remove the pictures, because hey, what can it hurt, right? Those pictures aren’t important to me or to anyone else for that matter. They aren’t helping define my persona to anyone who looks at my page, or in any way something I want folks to think of as part of who I am. If, however, someone said “You really shouldn’t include pictures of Celtling, folks might judge you badly.” I’d tell them to take a hike, and might actually put them at the bottom of my priority list, if not knocked right off of it. Is Lil’ Sis valuing alcohol at the level of a child? Probably not. But it’s definitely up there a bit higher than I would consider normal, and she seems defensive of it as if it were a valued element of her life, rather than something that is often around - peripheral to the scene - when she’s having fun with friends. It is also significant that this represents a change in her personality - enough that someone who knows her well is concerned by it. Like I said, I don’t think there’s anything you should do at this point, except practice being a loving and non-judgmental support to her so that if she should rush on into a bad place she’ll feel safe coming to you and discussing it with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/47 "2012-01-23T19:31:38Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I just looked at my facebook profile. I am 40 years old. I do not have a drinking problem. My profile picture was taken in a bar. I’m not holding a drink, but there’s one in front of me. Of the five pictures at the top of my profile, three of them are of my friends and I in bars. One is at a wedding. One is a picture of the door of a bar. > > Then I checked five friends’ profiles. They range in age from 30 - 50. The ones without children had similar pics. The ones with children had similar pics, mixed with pics of their children. To the best of my knowledge, none of them are alcoholics. I just checked Facebook – every single picture of my cat is of her getting _hammered._ So, yeah, using social media to raise concerns about alcoholism is like thinking my sister has mono because every time I call her, she sounds tired. Sure, she has twins and lives seven time zones away, but I’m pretty sure it is mono. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/48 "2012-01-23T19:45:55Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Is Lil’ Sis valuing alcohol at the level of a child? Probably not. But it’s definitely up there a bit higher than I would consider normal, and she seems defensive of it as if it were a valued element of her life, rather than something that is often around - peripheral to the scene - when she’s having fun with friends. Wait, what? Seriously, where are you getting that? She got pissy with Antigen, but it’s as likely to be generic “get out my business” as it is about “valuing alcohol.” Of course, plenty of peoples’ definition of an alcoholic is “someone who drinks more than I think is normal”. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/49 "2012-01-23T21:38:39Z")
TruCelt, you sound like a load of fun. Let’s hang out sometime. OP - Your sister sounds exactly like a thousand other young professional girls I’ve known and seen around Chicago. They’re annoying, yes, but not alcoholics. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/50 "2012-01-23T21:49:11Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Wait, what? > > Seriously, where are you getting that? She got pissy with Antigen, but it’s as likely to be generic “get out my business” as it is about “valuing alcohol.” > > Of course, plenty of peoples’ definition of an alcoholic is “someone who drinks more than I think is normal”. Honestly, I think this is the main (unspoken) hub this issue revolves around. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/51 "2012-01-23T21:59:56Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Wait, what? > > Seriously, where are you getting that? She got pissy with Antigen, but it’s as likely to be generic “get out my business” as it is about “valuing alcohol.” > > Of course, plenty of peoples’ definition of an alcoholic is “someone who drinks more than I think is normal”. " . . .certainly not indicative of active alcoholism." ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/52 "2012-01-23T22:05:23Z")
As a woman who has both older and younger sisters, I think the sister relationship is the issue that this revolves around. You can’t have conversations with your sisters the same as strangers or friends; everything you say to each other comes with its freightload of baggage (for good and for bad). Where a friend can say, “I’m concerned that you seem to be drinking in every Facebook picture and it’s affecting your career,” a sister can’t say that and get the same response. The response to the friend might be, “Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from, but don’t worry - I’m not drinking too much.” The response to the sister is, “You never support anything I do! Mom always loved you best! Waaa!” This is especially true when it’s an older sister criticizing a younger sister. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/53 "2012-01-23T22:07:22Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > The reason I’m at 70% yes, is that the alcohol seems to be very important to Lil’ Sis. So, I’m essentially a non-drinker, and my facebook page has no pictures of me drinking on it ('cus I’m essentially a non-drinker) but I just can’t get behind this. I’m not sure what the OP’s sister’s job is (was it mentioned? Dunno.) but depending on her position being seen to be ‘lots of fun’ and a ‘party girl’ and a ‘riot to have around!’ could very well be part of her job. I’m leaning this way, particularly since she told the OP that she uses facebook for networking. If she’s in sales or marketing, or fund development, being seen to be out there all the time, having fun, making contacts could be critical to her position. The fact that she deleted a tag of her and an ailing grandparent cements this in my mind - it seems like she’s using facebook to put forward a particular public image for her career and anything too personal she’s keeping off. Of course, I could be pulling this out of my ass, but ‘raging alcoholic’ isn’t the first thing that pops to my mind. Unless there’s drunken, barfey, crotchy shots up there, I wouldn’t start to panic. As to the defensiveness - well, OP is the big sis - that could be a lot of it. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/54 "2012-01-23T22:38:28Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > As a woman who has both older and younger sisters, I think the sister relationship is the issue that this revolves around. You can’t have conversations with your sisters the same as strangers or friends; everything you say to each other comes with its freightload of baggage (for good and for bad). Where a friend can say, “I’m concerned that you seem to be drinking in every Facebook picture and it’s affecting your career,” a sister can’t say that and get the same response. The response to the friend might be, “Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from, but don’t worry - I’m not drinking too much.” The response to the sister is, “You never support anything I do! Mom always loved you best! Waaa!” This is especially true when it’s an older sister criticizing a younger sister. I’m sure this is a big part of the issue between us. We just can’t seem to be friends, and that sucks. I’m sure we share an equal amount of blame for the touchy relationship. Her job was recruitment and training of managers for the company she works for, and now she’s in more of a sales position, but I don’t know the details because she hasn’t really elaborated. She’s obviously happy with the public persona she’s got going on, but when she calls me with her crises about money, men, the job, she seems so unhappy, and as her big sis I wish I could help her. I’m probably not giving the complete story, because I can’t, because there’s a thirty year history behind us and I know I can never really explain it all. I also don’t want to go into too much detail, for privacy reasons. But while I know I’m probably TOO concerned, I am still concerned, because I know her and I know what she’s like. No, I don’t think she’s a raging alcoholic. But I do worry that she’s using alcohol as an escape from the parts of her life she’s not happy with, and that sucks. I guess it feels like a trend in the wrong direction. I do understand that there’s nothing at all I can do about it, and it’s not my business to get in her face about it, and as I’ve said a few times now, I’ve dropped it and don’t bring it up to her anymore. I just wish we could talk like pals sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/55 "2012-01-23T23:42:37Z")
I don’t think you are a bad person for being concerned. That said, I wouldn’t say her actions automatically raise alarm bells. Young, single, professional women in the big city can end up in a fairly alcohol soaked culture. Even in their late 20s, it’s pretty common for young professionals to have a party culture- I know my friends sure do. I think for the most part it’s smart women who didn’t party in college and have worked pretty hard to be responsible, and now they are enjoying the rewards. So while it may not be the healthiest use of alcohol, it’s probably situational- much like college students. Even if she does objectively drink too much now, it’s quite likely a lifestyle with a limited duration and she’ll slow down soon enough as her friend group starts settling down. As a family member, I think you do have a place to share your concerns. The trick to this is that if you nag, it’s over. The only thing you can do is state your concerns clearly, plainly, in an utterly honest and heartfelt way, extend your sincerest hopes that if she is having a problem she can count on you, and leave it be. Sometimes a reality check can change a life. But a reality check has to be singular, utterly true, and come completely from the heart. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/56 "2012-01-24T00:03:54Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > You forgot cats. > Or were you including that under 1? No you fool. Cats have their own accounts. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/57 "2012-01-24T00:12:04Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > No you fool. Cats have their own accounts. Some say that the whole Internet was invented to further cat worship. There is even a holy sabbath dedicated to their adulation; caturday. Seriously, I have never seen cats with their own accounts but I have seen dogs. In both cases, the account-owning dogs belonged to a (different) woman. Who was single at the time. And very attached to her dog. I’m not going to _ **imply** _ there’s a causal relationship between those elements ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359/58 "2012-01-24T01:59:41Z")
I did once post a facebook status update about my cat’s peculiar fondness for vodka and tonic. Seriously, I can’t turn my back on a drink for a _minute_, or the little lush has his whole face in it. Next thing I know he’s staggering around, knocking stuff over, starting fights with the other cats… the poor thing can’t hold his liquor at all.\* \*This last sentence is a joke, y’all. In this crowd, I actually feel the need to make that explicit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-im-pretty-sure-my-sister-has-an-alcohol-problem/610359.md?page=2)