# So I've been disowned... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076 "2004-11-22T07:13:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/21 "2004-11-22T08:56:56Z")
\*\* silentgoldfish\*\* the disowning part really sucks. I think you’ve got every right to be perturbed by late letters from the ATO – they are fairly intimidatory. I hope you can sort this out with your mum. I vaguely remember from when my parents talked about setting up a trust there wasn’t a shitload of benefits to me in the shortterm but it could have benefited them. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/22 "2004-11-22T08:59:21Z")
> [@if6was9](#): > > _sigh_ I’m not exactly sure what you mean, **Duffer** , but I am sick and tired too! This used to be such great board. Fuck it! PC central now… see y’all! Well, be sick and tired. I have no control over that. My post was to mention that since my mom is dead, I have no chance of ever seeing or talking to her again. **Silentgoldfish** says his(?) mom has made the conscious choice of cutting him off from any further contact. See, I can accept there is no more contact because it’s impossible, while **gold** is shut out with little or no chance of ever seeing mom again. For whatever people think of my posts and views, I am human and have empathy. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/23 "2004-11-22T09:01:29Z")
> [@if6was9](#): > > So your silver spoon got ripped out of your mouth because you think you are too good to pay taxes? And I’m supposed to be sorry for you because… I haven’t read the rest of the thread yet, so I don’t know if you’ve already been ripped for this… But fark you, man. Just because somebody is born into a family situation where they have the advantages of a will, of an inheritance and whatnot, does -not- mean that tragedy can not befall them. In my mind, family is more important than birthrights, taxes, and personal mistakes one makes in their lives. Unfortunately, my parents did not feel the same way, either. So to hell with them. And to hell with you. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/24 "2004-11-22T09:32:44Z")
**Silentgoldfish** , sorry to hear about this. I’m not up on what a Family Trust in Aussie tax law might be, so I can’t really judge that. Having said that, while it’s possible in my mind that your mother could have reasonable reasons for wanting you out of the house; excising you from the will, and the family, too, is insane. I’d be heartbroken to be told I’m out of my family. For those of you crapping on **Silent** because of jealousy, grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/25 "2004-11-22T10:11:19Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Which was a bit of a surprise. I asked out of the family trust I’m in because the letters from the government saying I’m late in paying “my” tax were making me very uncomfortable. This morning I got a cc’d e-mail from my mum to her accountant taking me out of the trust, out of her will, out of the house by the end of the year, and in her words “out of the family.” > > Nice to know I was nothing more than a tax break. ☹ If she was _paying_ taxes on your trust, how were you a tax break? And why didn’t you pay them yourself to ensure that they were timely? Maybe from her viewpoint, it was nice to know she was nothing but a windfall. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/26 "2004-11-22T10:47:53Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Well, be sick and tired. I have no control over that. My post was to mention that since my mom is dead, I have no chance of ever seeing or talking to her again. **Silentgoldfish** says his(?) mom has made the conscious choice of cutting him off from any further contact. See, I can accept there is no more contact because it’s impossible, while **gold** is shut out with little or no chance of ever seeing mom again. > > For whatever people think of my posts and views, I am human and have empathy. Yes you do. Good for you having compassion, unlike some. 🙂 I don’t know if it Aussie laws are exactly like ours but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were similar. My best friend established a family trust for her house when she was single because NZ has property laws that relate to defacto couples. Her lawyer told her that if she kept the house in her name and lived with a guy for 2 years and then they split he would get 50% of the house, but if she put it in a family trust he would have no claim to it. She is in no way wealthy, just protecting her house (the bank owns more of it then she does). So family trust doesn’t always mean immense wealth. I hope you can sort ths out with your mum **silentgoldfish**. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/27 "2004-11-22T11:20:17Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > If she was _paying_ taxes on your trust, how were you a tax break? And why didn’t you pay them yourself to ensure that they were timely? Maybe from her viewpoint, it was nice to know she was nothing but a windfall. Because she was unloading part of her earnings on me and paying less tax on both. I couldn’t pay them myself because the the real world I don’t earn enough to. Without being in the trust (I"m thinking it may be a bad word to use because it clearly means something completely different across the pond) I earn so little that I get about 1500 dollars in overpaid taxes back from the govt come tax time. There’s no windfall, and no apparant advantage to me, and as far as I can tell a lot to lose if my mum can’t pay off the debt that becomes in my name to lower her taxes. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/28 "2004-11-22T11:59:59Z")
Sorry silentgoldfish, and sorry that some people jump to some unreasonable conclusions. Just because the money is in trust, doesn’t mean he has access to it at all. It’s a rather good way to sink someone really - leave them a huge fortune to pay the taxes on, without access to the fortune. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/29 "2004-11-22T13:11:46Z")
Australian trusts are vastly different from U.S. trusts. It’s been about 7 - 8 years since I’ve had to deal with them, so I don’t remember much, but the fact that the same word is used in Australia and the U.S. is pretty much coincidence. A person puts their money “in trust” in the same way that a doctor here incorporates himself, to legally reduce taxes. And the tax rate in Australia is something around 35% at $30,000 of income, so we’re not talking small potatoes here. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/30 "2004-11-22T13:16:47Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > If she was _paying_ taxes on your trust, how were you a tax break? And why didn’t you pay them yourself to ensure that they were timely? Maybe from her viewpoint, it was nice to know she was nothing but a windfall. Hmm… I’m not sure I’m quite getting it (not knowing anything about Oz tax law) but I think it’s working like this. **Silent** ’s mom has his name on paperwork to put herself in a lower tax bracket, but that _really_ it has nothing to do with **Silent** and it’s not _really_ his money. Vagued and highly flawed analogy: Pretend I have stocks that ean me $50,000 which puts me in a really high tax bracket. Now, I ask “ **Liberal** … do me a favour… Would you mind if I put your name on this paperwork too? That way it will _look_ like $25,000 each which will make it a much lower tax bracket and the total taxes will be lower. It’ll still be _my_ money and I’ll pay all the taxes and everything, don’t you worry about that. I just need your name on the trust.” At least that’s sort of what it sounds like. The trust has been made a “family” on paper only, the earning’s are not actually **Silent’s** and have nothing to do with him, but the governemtn is asking him for money because his mom is late with her taxes. **Silent** : Am I close? ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/31 "2004-11-22T13:23:05Z")
Sorry about that silent. Is your mom pissed that she has to pay more in taxes now or is there some other reason? Do you think this is just a short term flare up and she will change her mind in a week and regret what she said? If she does do you think your relationship will ever go back to being the way it was before? ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/32 "2004-11-22T13:27:43Z")
For the record seeing how some of you people react to a (probably college and probably 19 or so) student being disowned by his mom is really sick and low. I thought I got it bad with my restaurant thread but jesus, kicking a guy whos mom just said she wants him ‘out of the family’ is really fucking low. Who gives a fuck about the minute details, at the end of the day his mom disowned him because of money. Liberal - I think what he is saying is his mom did it so she’d pay less taxes. She still paid all the taxes but as a result silent no longer gets a return. So silent was losing $1500 a year or more so his mom could save money on taxes. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/33 "2004-11-22T13:30:12Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > **Silent** : Am I close? That’s pretty much it, exactly. My mum’s big on drama sometimes so maybe it’ll flare down eventually. She’s already done the legal paperwork side of it though. Fortunately I’ve got a very supportive girlfriend so I’m not feeling as lost as I probably would otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/34 "2004-11-22T13:38:19Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Because she was unloading part of her earnings on me and paying less tax on both. I couldn’t pay them myself because the the real world I don’t earn enough to. Without being in the trust (I"m thinking it may be a bad word to use because it clearly means something completely different across the pond) I earn so little that I get about 1500 dollars in overpaid taxes back from the govt come tax time. > > There’s no windfall, and no apparant advantage to me, and as far as I can tell a lot to lose if my mum can’t pay off the debt that becomes in my name to lower her taxes. Given Dex’s explanation, I bow out. I can understand the American concept of a trust — money held on behalf of someone until certain criteria are met. But I don’t even understand the apparent Australian concept, which seems to amount to shifting a tax burden to someone else while still keeping the money. Very strange. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/35 "2004-11-22T13:50:23Z")
No not very strange. Just different. Different is what makes the world pretty 😃 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/36 "2004-11-22T13:57:29Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Nice to know I was nothing more than a tax break. But I bet you were the best damn tax break they ever had. Don’t take any shit. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/37 "2004-11-22T14:20:09Z")
**Silentgoldfish** , whatever the backstory to this drama, I’m sorry for the pain you’re going through. Take care. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/38 "2004-11-22T14:48:31Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > But I don’t even understand the apparent Australian concept, which seems to amount to shifting a tax burden to someone else while still keeping the money. Very strange. No, not strange at all, just different nomenclature. Just don’t think of it in terms of the word “trust”. It’s more like an investment. Pretend it’s “mutual fund” rather than “trust fund”. If you look at my above post, you’ll see what **Silent** ’s mom is doing in a way that sort of work in the U.S. as well. It’s more or less splitting up an investment so it looks like she’s only earning _half_ of what she is in fact earning, so she can be in a lower tax bracket. Rather than having her say “this is MY investment, I earn 100%” she is pretending that **Silent** is in on the deal so she can say “this is OUR investment, I only make a piddly 50%” (and she isn’t telling them that she’s also still the real owner of the other 50%). **Silent** isn’t benefitting at all because it isn’t _really_ his money, but meanwhile the government thinks he’s a deadbeat. Our poor **Silentgoldfish**! It’s the kind of famly rift you get when you agree to “help out” on paper only. E.g./ Your brother needs a car loan but can’t gt one without a co-signer. So your brother says, “Please, please co-sign my loan. I swear it will just be MY responsibility. It won’t _really_ have anyting to do with you at all. The loan will _actually_ be MINE, but I need your name on the paperwork.” Then you brother defaults on the loan and YOU get stuck with the bad credit rating too. If **if6was9** took a minute to find out what this was really all about, perhaps he would be such a fuckwad. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/39 "2004-11-22T14:54:29Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > But I don’t even understand the apparent Australian concept, which seems to amount to shifting a tax burden to someone else while still keeping the money. Very strange. Oh, **Liberal** I forgot… what **Silent’s** mom is doing is NOT exactly kosher. Hence the dilemma. _Legally_, if **Silent** is on the paperwork, then half of the money is his. Maybe that’s why you’re confused about the “strange tax shift”. The case is more like my “brother-makes-you-co-sign-HIS-loan” example (where _legally_ you’re up shit’s creek, because _legally_ the loan is yours as well.) ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/40 "2004-11-22T15:15:48Z")
Bad luck, Silent. I hope this is just a case of your mom badly overreacting to a silly misunderstanding. Even this best-case scenario is pretty grim, IMO. The biggest thing a child needs from parents is unconditional love, meaning that a parent’s love should never be used as a bargaining chip in trying to control their kids. Not even for the sake of “drama”. Perhaps you can salvage a relationship out of this, but this has gotta be a painful kick in the teeth. oh, and to if6was9, if you’re still lurking, screw you, you petty little turd. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076.md?page=3)