# So I've been disowned... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076 "2004-11-22T07:13:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/41 "2004-11-22T15:27:40Z")
Contrawise, presumably, silentgoldfish can get his mother in some really deep tax trouble by pointing this little issue out to the taxman. If, of course, his mother insists on declaring war like that. Silent, stick up for yourself, stay calm, and don’t let your mother walk all over you. And especially don’t let her stick you with any of the debt. Pay attention because your name _is_ on the trust. You may want to confer with a tax attorney over your options. They’ve already done all they can to you. They think you’re helpless. Don’t screw them over, but it might be worth your while to present to them exactly how you can destroy their lives, if they want to destroy yours. It’s not nice, it’s not friendly, and you may want to confer with a third party in the family about this, but it’s an option you probably should consider. At the very least, you should cover yourself, because it’d just get worse if the taxman came after you again. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/42 "2004-11-22T15:34:43Z")
Let’s try it this way for US audiences. So I’ve been disowned… Which was a bit of a surprise. I asked out of a family tax shelter my mother created which shifts half her income over to me, so she’s in a lower tax bracket, and pays less overall tax. Because of this I’ve lost my usual $ 1500 annual tax refund (I make very little, so I usually wind up overpaying tax and get a refund), plus these notice letters from the IRS saying “my” taxes are past due (my mom is supposed to pay them) were making me very uncomfortable. This morning I got a cc’d e-mail from my mom to her accountant taking me out of the tax shelter, out of her will, out of the house by the end of the year, and in her words “out of the family.” Nice to know I was nothing more than a tax break. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/43 "2004-11-22T15:36:16Z")
Sorry, **Silent** , that sucks. But a question: is she helping you pay your bills? I’m wondering if from her perspective, she’s entitled to do this since she’s paying you way through college or something. She may think that it was a slap in the face for you to say, “I expect your money, but don’t expect any inconvenience from you, not even an inconvenience directly tied to getting your money.” Which only makes sense if she’s helping you with bills. If she’s not, I don’t know what kind of toad she’s licking. Sounds like it might be time for a phone call home, huh? Good luck; family can be exasperating. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/44 "2004-11-22T15:40:44Z")
If money is that important to your mother, perhaps you _should_ discuss this with her accountant. If he’s close enough to her to discuss ‘out of the house’ and ‘out if the family’, it might be that he’s close enough to discuss what a problem she’s creating for herself. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/45 "2004-11-22T15:41:11Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Let’s try it this way for US audiences. > > So I’ve been disowned… > > Which was a bit of a surprise. I asked out of a family tax shelter my mother created which shifts half her income over to me, so she’s in a lower tax bracket, and pays less overall tax. Because of this I’ve lost my usual $ 1500 annual tax refund (I make very little, so I usually wind up overpaying tax and get a refund), plus these notice letters from the IRS saying “my” taxes are past due (my mom is supposed to pay them) were making me very uncomfortable. This morning I got a cc’d e-mail from my mom to her accountant taking me out of the tax shelter, out of her will, out of the house by the end of the year, and in her words “out of the family.” > > Nice to know I was nothing more than a tax break. ☹ Or: My mom created a tax shelter using my name for tax purposes to save some of the family’s money. Because I was getting some letters that made me “uncomfortable”, I decided to get out of the trust, thereby increasing my mother’s tax burden and possibly creating a huge problem for her and her accountant. I really don’t understand the financial situation and am unaware of the possible repurcussions for my mom, but you have to understand, those letters were really, really scary. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/46 "2004-11-22T15:51:19Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > Or: > > My mom created a tax shelter using my name for tax purposes to save some of the family’s money. Because I was getting some letters that made me “uncomfortable”, I decided to get out of the trust, thereby increasing my mother’s tax burden and possibly creating a huge problem for her and her accountant. I really don’t understand the financial situation and am unaware of the possible repurcussions for my mom, but you have to understand, those letters were really, really scary. …so rather than discuss the situation with me like a civilized human being let alone a parent, she decided to throw a gigantic hissy fit (over a tax break, for gods sake) and unilaterally ostracize her flesh and blood. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/47 "2004-11-22T15:53:42Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > Or: > > My mom created a tax shelter using my name for tax purposes to save some of the family’s money. Because I was getting some letters that made me “uncomfortable”, I decided to get out of the trust, thereby increasing my mother’s tax burden and possibly creating a huge problem for her and her accountant. I really don’t understand the financial situation and am unaware of the possible repurcussions for my mom, but you have to understand, those letters were really, really scary. Dude. If I’m understanding this correctly, his mother was, in a nutshell, taking over $1500 yearly from him to pay taxes on _her_ earnings. Damned right that’s uncomfortable, and if I were him, I’d probably ask to be let out of the trust as well. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/48 "2004-11-22T15:54:01Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > Or: > > My mom created a tax shelter using my name for tax purposes to save some of the family’s money. Because I was getting some letters that made me “uncomfortable”, I decided to get out of the trust, thereby increasing my mother’s tax burden and possibly creating a huge problem for her and her accountant. I really don’t understand the financial situation and am unaware of the possible repurcussions for my mom, but you have to understand, those letters were really, really scary. Are you missing the part where \*\*silentgoldfish \*\* actually loses out on $1500 a year because the tax shelter artificially inflates his income? ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/49 "2004-11-22T16:12:54Z")
> [@TellmeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Are you missing the part where silentgoldfish actually loses out on $1500 a year because the tax shelter artificially inflates his income? I missed the part where that was in the OP. Maybe because it wasn’t in there. I missed the part where that was the reason for him to get out of the “tax shelter”, until he mentioned it after the fact. My point was that I don’t believe **silentgoldfish** completely understands what is going on, and that there is more to the story. Of course, it is completely possible that his mother is a money-grubbing psychotic who steals $1500 from her own working-student son to lighten her enormous tax burden and immediately disowns him when he rationally decides he wants out of the situation. And if such is the case, he has my sympathy. However, I’m not so sure that is the objective truth of the situation. > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > …so rather than discuss the situation with me like a civilized human being let alone a parent, she decided to throw a gigantic hissy fit (over a tax break, for gods sake) and unilaterally ostracize her flesh and blood. Oh, I agree wholeheartedly that **silentgoldfish’s** mother overreacted and acted like a complete and utter tool. It was the severity of reaction that leads me to believe that there was a lot more going on that **silentgoldfish** doesn’t understand. I agree with **Dorkness** that it would be a good time for a telephone call and some serious familial discussion, and I wish nothing but the best for **silentgoldfish**. Good Luck. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/50 "2004-11-22T16:19:29Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Let’s try it this way for US audiences. Oh, you did that far more effectively. Well, done! ---
**Author:** ![Spree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Spree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spree)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/51 "2004-11-22T16:42:56Z")
I’m sorry that happened to you, **Silentgoldfish**. Hopefully your mother just made a rash, irrational decision and will realize what a fool she was before it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076/52 "2004-11-22T17:19:24Z")
My condolences and sympathies, **silentgoldfish**. What, precisely, does “out of the house” mean, in this context, and how does that affect the financial dynamics in your situation? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-disowned/276076.md?page=2)