# So I've been "indicted"....(sorta) **URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188 **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share **Created:** [January 3, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188 "2011-01-03T01:51:16Z") **Posts on this page:** 20 **Page:** 1
### Author: ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/1 "2011-01-03T01:51:16Z")
Perhaps my fellow Dopers can offer some legal or other advice. I have reason to believe I could be served with appropriate papers shortly. I expect them to read something like this: - "We, the duly sworn Grand Jury of an Undisclosed County and State, having considered the evidence presented, do hereby find that there is probable cause to believe that two adult citizens known as **Oakminster** and **The Druidess** have willfully and deliberately entered into a Conspiracy to Commit Matrimony in the First Degree on or about the 31st day of December, 2010, within the above and unsaid County and State, a crime against the peace and dignity of all middle aged curmudgeonly bachelors and sweet woodland nymphs, and we hereby so charge. Returned, a True Bill, this the 2nd day of January, 2011. Signed, Grand Jury Foreman. \"\* I’m afraid I have no choice but to enter a plea of guilty, and request a sentence of Life without Parole. :D:D:D:cool::)😕:eek::D:D Never thought this would happen for me. \ \ Yup…I am really engaged. Yee Haw! ---
### Author: ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/2 "2011-01-03T01:57:53Z")
Throw the book at 'em! 😃 Congratulations, y’all! And yes, you do have to show up reasonably sober, I believe. You may also have to provide “input” into favors, flowers, dresses and the such, for which the appropriate format is, “That’s lovely, dear. I couldn’t have picked a better [favor/flower/dress/bridesmaid] myself. What would I do without you?” ---
### Author: ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/3 "2011-01-03T02:26:19Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You may also have to provide “input” into favors, flowers, dresses and the such, for which the appropriate format is, “That’s lovely, dear. I couldn’t have picked a better [favor/flower/dress/bridesmaid] myself. What would I do without you?” If offered a choice, the responses “Whichever you think is best” or “I think they’re both lovely” appear to be _de rigeur_. However, since I am not a wedding planner, and even if I was, not your wedding planner nor even necessarily licensed as a wedding planner in your state , please note that YMMV and I am not accountable if your bride hits you with a bouquet/table decorations/sample invitation after getting fed up of these responses. ETA and of course, congratulations and good wishes for your life together! ---
### Author: ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/4 "2011-01-03T02:37:50Z")
Guilty as charged and life without parole. As for wedding planning, you have my deepest sympathy. There’s nothing more annoying that stewing over the color “blush” or “light pink”. Seriously, may you both be blessed as I have been. Congrats! ---
### Author: ![pudytat72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pudytat72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pudytat72) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/5 "2011-01-03T02:51:20Z")
The indictment gave the date of the matrimony as on or about the 31st day of December 2010. So that would indicate that it is a “done deal”. Did you mean 2011 for the year? ---
### Author: ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/6 "2011-01-03T03:04:05Z")
> [@pudytat72](#): > > The indictment gave the date of the matrimony as on or about the 31st day of December 2010. So that would indicate that it is a “done deal”. Did you mean 2011 for the year? “Conspiracy to commit matrimony” – meaning the engagement, I gather. Congrats! ---
### Author: ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/7 "2011-01-03T03:04:46Z")
> [@pudytat72](#): > > The indictment gave the date of the matrimony as on or about the 31st day of December 2010. So that would indicate that it is a “done deal”. Did you mean 2011 for the year? I think he means they entered into the conspiracy to commit said action on Dec. 31. ---
### Author: ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/8 "2011-01-03T03:05:34Z")
> [@pudytat72](#): > > The indictment gave the date of the matrimony as on or about the 31st day of December 2010. So that would indicate that it is a “done deal”. Did you mean 2011 for the year? Nope, 12/31/2010 was the date the conspiracy was entered into. The matrimony will occur at the sentencing hearing, on a date to be determined. 🙂 ---
### Author: ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/9 "2011-01-03T03:50:42Z")
Congrats, **Oakminster**. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I wish you both that and more. 🙂 ---
### Author: ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/10 "2011-01-03T04:04:40Z")
Speaking as a woman who has been married for 22 years, I can honestly say that, if you marry the right person (and I did, I did!), marriage is far and away the best thing you can do for yourself! Congratulations and best of luck! I wish the two of you all possible happiness! ---
### Author: ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/11 "2011-01-03T04:18:29Z")
After the conviction, will you file for a Writ of Habeas Corpus? And do you suppose she has a chance to win on appeal? ---
### Author: ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/12 "2011-01-03T04:24:16Z")
Thanks, everyone. I’m a lucky dude. Well, except for how The Druidess informs me that weddings do not plan themselves. And that variants of “whatever you like is fine with me” may carry severe consequences and/or repercussions. Fortunately, she has accepted the universal law that wedding planning sessions may not be scheduled during any NFL playoff game, up to and including the Super Bowl, and especially not during any New Orleans Saints playoff games, as amended to exclude the Pro Bowl, since nobody cares about that farce anyway. ---
### Author: ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/13 "2011-01-03T04:25:04Z")
Congratulations! Who says crime does not pay? ---
### Author: ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/14 "2011-01-03T04:44:00Z")
Mazel tov! Many happy years of conspiratorial bliss to the both of you. ---
### Author: ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/15 "2011-01-03T04:57:03Z")
Congrats **Okie**! May sure you tell your co-conspirator to expect several hundred very strange people from a place called the dope at the wedding. 😉 ---
### Author: ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/16 "2011-01-03T05:14:09Z")
“Going to the Chapel?” Pshaw. You should be humming “Get Me To The Church On Time!” (Congratulations) ---
### Author: ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/17 "2011-01-03T15:40:34Z")
There’s still time to [flee](http://kim.id.au/gallery/tijuanamexico/3b6f2800f9,m.jpg) the jurisdiction. ---
### Author: ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/18 "2011-01-03T16:09:57Z")
Okay. Do what any sensible person would - run. To Mexico. Don’t contact home, don’t take your cell phone, don’t use your credit cards or take your car. ---
### Author: ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/19 "2011-01-03T16:25:05Z")
I hope they still let you play WoW in the pokey. ---
### Author: ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat) #### Post date: [January 3, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188/20 "2011-01-03T16:32:16Z")
I’m ordering you charged and I’m ordering her held with unlimited appeal. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-been-indicted-sorta/566188.md?page=2)