# So I've decided to run for pope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736 "2013-03-12T18:10:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/41 "2013-03-12T21:32:01Z")
If elected, do you promise to cut tithes? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/42 "2013-03-12T21:32:36Z")
I think your best option now is convincing God to give you his endorsement. His word carries a lot of weight with those people. A burning bush might not work that well these days, so I’d suggest you see if you see if he can do a giant floaty head booming voice kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/43 "2013-03-12T21:35:34Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > If elected, do you promise to cut tithes? I’ll take a look at the tithe code and work on making it something that’s fair to everyone. There’s no reason billionaire Catholics should be tithing the same rate as the church secretary. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/44 "2013-03-12T21:36:39Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > I think your best option now is convincing God to give you his endorsement. His word carries a lot of weight with those people. A burning bush might not work that well these days, so I’d suggest you see if you see if he can do a giant floaty head booming voice kind of thing. Just how giant do you think we would need to go? ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/45 "2013-03-12T21:45:01Z")
I’d go with the Demon Deacons as a mascot. 'Cause the Angels, Saints or Cardinals are pussy names. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/46 "2013-03-12T22:15:20Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > What are you thinkin’ of for a name? Cecil. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/47 "2013-03-12T22:19:17Z")
you going to go with the red shoes or destroy tradition? ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/48 "2013-03-13T00:05:11Z")
Happy, I’m a laxed (VERY laxed) Catholic, but I’ll vote for you. All those damn years at Catholic school hafta account for some type of pull, right? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/49 "2013-03-13T02:13:25Z")
This just occurred to me - what kind of popemobile will you get once win (and I’m thinking he will SO totally win)? Muscle car? Convertible so you can put the pope bubble thingy on it? Hybrid? SUV?? Us masses want to know! These are important details. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/50 "2013-03-13T03:07:08Z")
Happy, I’m not seeing nearly enough graft here. I mean, promising not to kill us is nice and all, but… seriously. It takes a lot more than that to obtain such a high office. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/51 "2013-03-13T08:50:12Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > and he’s probably male! (Has anyone checked all the cardinals?) Yes, actually, although I understand they don’t get to the point of running DNA analysis - yet. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/52 "2013-03-13T14:49:55Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Happy, I’m not seeing nearly enough graft here. I mean, promising not to kill us is nice and all, but… seriously. It takes a lot more than that to obtain such a high office. Hmm, you might be right. I can offer titles. How would you feel about being named “Travelling Secretary to the Deputy Bishop of the Bejeweled Apostolic Throne” under a Lendervedder administration? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/53 "2013-03-13T14:54:39Z")
To all my supporters: You will have a wonderful title awaiting you under my reign. To all my mortal enemies: You will have a special place in hell awaiting you after I destroy you with fire and bovine flatus. And our internal polling indicates we have a clear path to victory, but it involves some serious get-out-the-vote efforts with the black cardinals. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/54 "2013-03-13T15:27:19Z")
> [@Darryl\_Lict](#): > > I’d go with the Demon Deacons as a mascot. 'Cause the Angels, Saints or Cardinals are pussy names. Interesting approach. Would definitely appeal to the evil satanic wing of the College of Cardinals. I’ll have my polling guys look into this. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/55 "2013-03-13T15:34:08Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > This just occurred to me - what kind of popemobile will you get once win (and I’m thinking he will SO totally win)? Muscle car? Convertible so you can put the pope bubble thingy on it? Hybrid? SUV?? Us masses want to know! These are important details. Hmm. Good question. I think I’ll go with a 2013 Chrysler Town and Country with flip-down DVD players for everyday-schlubbing of my kids and tooling around the Holy See. And a '69 Mustang with bubbletop for special occasions. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/56 "2013-03-13T15:41:28Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I’m working on it vigorously as we speak. I’m working on this vs. we’re working on this is troubling as the _notable_ stolen & leaked tapes have been of more than one person. Suggest finding the budget for a professional spinmeister to handle your communications. > [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I’ll take a look at the tithe code and work on making it something that’s fair to everyone. There’s no reason billionaire Catholics should be tithing the same rate as the church secretary. This is the answer of a typical politician; you don’t say whether the billionaires should pay more or less. You’ll get the vote of the rich cardinals. Last I heard, there was more black smoke this morning, so you’re not out of the running yet. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/57 "2013-03-13T15:45:33Z")
Just pad your resume with a bunch of stuff about masterminding cover ups for pedophile rings and you should be fine. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/58 "2013-03-13T15:47:04Z")
May I suggest you choose the name Ahn A’Rope - then you would be “Pope Ahn A’Rope”. I think I have the perfect marketing souvenir in mind. And one of your first decrees should be regarding the next election of pope. Don’t use white of black smoke…kind of boring and racist. Go by odor. Let people smell the news! Use cigar smoke (nope, haven’t decided yet) or weed (yippee - we elected someone!). BTW, I would gladly be your running mate! What would be cooler than to be the first “Vice Pope”?! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/59 "2013-03-13T15:57:22Z")
“Vice Pope” might give the wrong impression amidst sex scandals. But DMark, for a generous donation to the campaign, I’ll definitely name you Second Supreme Vicar of the Holy Vicariate and Universal Holy Robes. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/60 "2013-03-13T15:58:47Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > you going to go with the red shoes or destroy tradition? Red shoes with gold lamé stripes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736.md?page=4)