# So I've decided to run for pope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 12, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736 "2013-03-12T18:10:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/81 "2013-03-13T22:07:56Z")
We are still having the post election party right? Do you have any idea how much I spent on booze? Strippers in rented habits? Jello for the pool? **Happy** don’t take the loss too hard this guy will be a goner in no time. **Capt** Please Catholic Dopers take no offense, we are being idiots ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/82 "2013-03-13T23:19:23Z")
I think you need to work on your “miracles”. Your “Walking on Water” Youtube video was pronounced “a crude fake – you can see the shadows of the helium balloons!” The _Washington Post_ uncovered credit card receipts “for the purchase of 5,000 loaves of bread and fish”. _Gourmet_ magazine said your wine had “insufficient character plus a hint of shoe leather”. ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/83 "2013-03-13T23:33:54Z")
We did not use helium ballons, we used the plexiglass/perspex walkway from thar Cars video in the eighties. I had to get it out of Ric O’s garage, it was behind a 64’ dodge and one of Paulina’s old wardrobes. Oh shite I wasn’t supposed to tell Oops **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/84 "2013-03-14T01:46:21Z")
Happy, I don’t know what happened–I mean how in the hell could they confuse my vote of “Happy Lendervedder” with “Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio”? Those damn Italians with their Italian speaking words! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/85 "2013-03-14T03:05:32Z")
In honor of the traditions and history of the Roman Catholic church, I’ve translated my “thank you” speech into Latin. But then in honor of the changes brought about by the Second Vatican Council, I translated it back into English. here it is: Thank you all for your dedication and support over this conclave grueling campaign season. It’s taken me this long just to pull myself together and get my thoughts straight. Did not, and it was the highest lest you not mind being cheap, that your names are, in some studied it. More people into the parts of them that are in any campaign, I do not remember the name, but I know, you are truly in a special way. To my wife, who is taking it especially hard knowing that I’ll have to wait for a few more years, before that she is able to call the First Lady of the Vatican itself: we are almost out of PBRs, and we \*are \*out of strawberry jelly. Finally, last but certainly not least, to that esoteric-esque Doper: Thank you for holding the camera while my wife for the official campaign rogered sex tape. And a great many things he asked of the corner I do not know whom they are altogether contrary to nature, by itself, is said to be the final product, I think. So I, a Dutch Calvinist with absolutely no formal theological training, run for pope again? _Est papa Catholico Romanum? Quia nunc…_ ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/86 "2013-03-14T03:56:45Z")
Sorry you didn’t win, but you were pretty close. Hey, its an honor just to be considered right? ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/87 "2013-03-14T04:05:39Z")
So why not be the “shadow pope”, quietly gathering support in exile and plotting your chance to gain power. Sounds a lot cooler than being the real pope, all things considered. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/88 "2013-03-14T04:19:13Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > So why not be the “shadow pope”, quietly gathering support in exile and plotting your chance to gain power. Sounds a lot cooler than being the real pope, all things considered. _Shhhhhhhhhh…_ ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/89 "2013-03-15T09:01:11Z")
Happy, you’ll always be the pope of my heart. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/90 "2013-03-15T16:48:23Z")
You could be an Anti-Pope, I don’t think they’ve had one of those in a while. Of course if you ever meet the real Pope, you’d have to annihilate each other ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/91 "2013-03-15T17:39:23Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > You could be an Anti-Pope, I don’t think they’ve had one of those in a while. Of course if you ever meet the real Pope, you’d have to annihilate each other My lawyers are looking into it. Expect an announcement. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/92 "2013-03-16T00:27:36Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > My lawyers are looking into it. Expect an announcement. Take a cue from the [perennial runner-up to the mexican elections](http://www.popscreen.com/p/MTM2MzUyNTc2/Andr%C3%A9s-Manuel-Lopez-Obrador-un-peligro-para-M%C3%A9xicopeje-). _¡Fraude! ¡Fraude!_ ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/93 "2013-03-16T01:23:18Z")
You could be the People’s Pope, like Diana, the People’s Princess! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/94 "2013-03-18T03:02:33Z")
Eh, this guy won’t last long. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736/95 "2013-03-18T03:05:01Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > So why not be the “shadow pope”, quietly gathering support in exile and plotting your chance to gain power. Sounds a lot cooler than being the real pope, all things considered. Or, you could be the power behind the throne, pulling his strings. You’d be the Popeteer! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-ive-decided-to-run-for-pope/652736.md?page=4)