# So, just exactly how evil am I? Long story... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 17, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909 "2011-10-17T13:44:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/61 "2011-10-17T23:45:08Z")
I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t think you’ll be blackballed for this, but anything is possible. As long as you’ve learned to not, ‘shoot yourself in the foot’ again, (y’know, without getting arrested or fined or jailed), then you’ll be better for this experience. Dare I ask, what you do for a living? If you don’t feel like sharing that’s okay too! ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/62 "2011-10-17T23:45:35Z")
Well hell. I was all ready to come up in here and get all righteously indignant about your evilness and it turns out to be about smokin’ a little bud. Hell – can’t you at least, ya know — refuse to open the door for a little old lady? Give me something to work with. That said … it sucks ass that you lost your job. Total. Bullshit. Fuck 'em - you’ll find a better job. Your sister is kind of a bitch. Must come from her dad’s side of the family. If smoking a little weed is the most “disappointing” thing you’ve ever done in her eyes, you’ve lived a pretty clean life, then. **Elbows’** idea is GENIUS, btw. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/63 "2011-10-18T00:58:12Z")
Thanks Elbows, Pandabear. I am a bookkeeper. Yes, I think this is for the best. I’ve learned a hard lesson and probably getting off easy really. I don’t blame my employer either. I knew the risks. I accept the price I have to pay and am not unhappy that I can now throw myself fully into our Deli. It hurts our finances some, but oh well. My sister has not yet apologized, but we are talking thru e-mail and I think she is close to admitting what she did was hurtful. I will gladly forgive her and hope we can make something good out of this. I really want to thank you all so much. I’m not sure I’d have made it through the day without you. Pandabear, I’ll try to ignore that old lady that needs some help tomorrow. Anything to reciprocate all the help you’ve all given me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/64 "2011-10-18T01:30:53Z")
Sorry to hear you lost your job, **not.** You’re putting a good face on it, but losing a job is almost always terribly stressful (it’s one of the [top ten](http://healthylife.typepad.com/loving-healthy-living/2010/01/top-ten-most-stressful-life-events.html)life stressors). Here’s hoping that you deli takes off! (Don’t throw yourself into your deli job - that sounds too meat-grindy. 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/65 "2011-10-18T11:05:42Z")
Thanks Cat Whisperer. I am stressed. Mad at myself. Sorry that I put a few people in a bad position and worried as all hell. Thanks for the good thoughts on the deli. I’m too lean to be tasty (stress is good for my diet), so I’ll stay out of the grinder. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/66 "2011-10-18T14:23:18Z")
Don’t know what to say really, but felt I’d cheer you in your struggle. Keep on keepin’ on! ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/67 "2011-10-18T15:26:35Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Don’t know what to say really, but felt I’d cheer you in your struggle. Keep on keepin’ on! Thank you, kind sir. My happy thought: This weight I’m losing right now, I get to regain it this winter when I’m feeling better! I’ve already earned at least two bags of chocolate kisses. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/68 "2011-10-18T16:54:30Z")
You’re losing weight? Okay, you’re obviously not smoking A LOT of pot then. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/69 "2011-10-18T17:14:18Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Thank you Ellen Cherry. I really don’t know if the symptoms have an end date or not. > They were still bad 8 months ago. I can’t even remember when they all started. The hot flashing started about two and half years ago, I think. My horrid menopause symptoms have been raging for 8 freaking years now with no end in sight. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/70 "2011-10-19T05:43:18Z")
Smoking pot? THIS is your evil? Pffft I am not impressed. Certainly not what I would expect. You see what I did there. > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > In my medical opinion, pot is a very problematic ‘medicinal’ drug. There are vanishingly few disorders for which it has been scientifically shown to be safe and effective (and those few disorders tend to be associated with terminal diagnoses such as end-stage HIV and cancer). Its basic effect is to be a primary mood elevator, which means you take it, and in 5 minutes, it’s made you feel euphoric, even if you have no good reason to feel euphoric. > > It’s the euphoria and associated pleasure/reward center stimulation that makes most people’s symptoms improve on the drug, not any corrective or modifying action on the cause of the symptoms. > > And when the euphoria wears off, the symptoms tend to return. Which in turn requires more dosing, more primary mood elevation, and other associated psycho-active effects. > > As tolerance kicks in, many patients report that the drug becomes less and less effective over time, requiring higher dosages with less relief. A common complaint is that they’re in about as much discomfort as they were before, and they’re moderately impaired by the effects of the drug. > > Lots of folks find themselves stuck in these dilemmas. > > That doesn’t mean they’re evil. Do you have these same feelings about legal, potentially addictive painkillers that people get prescriptions for for pain relief? ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/71 "2011-10-19T12:11:41Z")
I really really want to thank all of you for your support and, well just for responding kindly and with sympathy towards me. Aside from you people here, not one single person in my life has reached out a hand to me in friendship. Yes, I know how pathetic that makes me sound. It makes me sad, but I’ve never been one with a lot of friends anyway. Cat Whisperer, yes, I’m losing weight. Stress hits me that way and I thought it might be a good idea to not smoke for at least a little while. I may be crazy, but I’m not entirely stupid and I know I need to try and ascertain what if any part pot played in this whole ugly thing. So, I was withholding part of the story out of some desire to retain some dignity, but since I’m not sure I have any left, I’ll go ahead and tell the whole thing. You people deserve that. A little back story first. When I was widowed at the age of 28, I began to get panic attacks. After much trial and error, counseling etc, My Dr. prescribed Ativan. I have used it off and on for years to control panic. But I wanted to get off of it and was told I need to wean off slowly. So I cut one 2mg pill into four pieces and took one piece a day for about a year and 1/2. Then I stopped using them for about 6 weeks total. I don’t carry pot with me. I only use it at home. So, a week ago, I go to work like usual. And suffered a glitch in my matrix or whatever. At 10:30 am, feeling frustrated, sad, lonely, snubbed, bored, torn between my job and our new deli and just slightly panicky, I reached in my purse and took an entire 2mg Ativan. I can see this happening in my mind, it’s like in slow motion and I just want to reach out and grab my own hand and yell, STOP! I swear I did not expect it to hit me the way it did. I have so very little memory of the rest of the day. When I went to leave, I hit a fence and did some minor damage, I’m told. As I already said, my two supervisors were initially ok, just worried about me and wanted me to come back. But then things changed. Apparently, the test results, which I don’t understand much at all, seem to indicate that I’m lying about what happened. High THC and not enough Ativan, so I must be lying. Well, there you have it. The whole ugly story. And so I’m really struggling right now. My poor husband is losing patience with me and wants me to ask that this thread be closed. One final thing. My husband, on more than one occasion and because I asked, went goodie shopping for my boss cause she couldn’t get there in time and wanted these treats to take out of town with her. She was pretty nasty to me yesterday when I tried to get some clarification on the test results. Because we are trying to open a deli, I brought food to work every Monday for people to taste and critique for us. It was always enjoyed by everyone except my senior boss. She always declined to taste my food because she was dieting, but would eat anything that someone else brought. This is the source of the snubbing I felt. I’m not telling you that to demonize these people (or hell, maybe I am), but just to say, I may be a fuck up. But I’d still rather be me than the kind of person who would treat someone this way. So, I’m going to try really hard to stay strong and not let this beat me. The best revenge is a life well lived, right. Thanks so much all of you. You really have been a tremendous source of comfort to me. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/72 "2011-10-19T12:29:25Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > I swear I did not expect it to hit me the way it did. I have so very little memory of the rest of the day. When I went to leave, I hit a fence and did some minor damage, I’m told. As I already said, my two supervisors were initially ok, just worried about me and wanted me to come back. But then things changed. Apparently, the test results, which I don’t understand much at all, seem to indicate that I’m lying about what happened. High THC and not enough Ativan, so I must be lying. Wait a minute, you have an accident, and blood tests are forwarded to your employer??? WTF ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/73 "2011-10-19T12:37:19Z")
They are in many job fields. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/74 "2011-10-19T13:17:27Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > Wait a minute, you have an accident, and blood tests are forwarded to your employer??? WTF I would think her tox screen results would be part of the police report on the accident, and if the accident happened on company property (she says it happened when she “went to leave” so it seems fairly likely) her boss would automatically get a copy of that report. **EvilTOJ** , I believe I’ve seen **Quadgop** post the exact same issues with using narcotics for chronic pain. And indeed, every doctor I’ve ever known who’s not a freaking pill mill will tell you the exact same thing. Narcotics suck for managing long-term pain issues, and the issues he outlines with pot are exactly why they suck. It’s just that the other options available to someone outside a specialty pain management practice suck too, typically even more than the narcotics. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/75 "2011-10-19T13:44:41Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I would think her tox screen results would be part of the police report on the accident, and if the accident happened on company property (she says it happened when she “went to leave” so it seems fairly likely) her boss would automatically get a copy of that report. > > **EvilTOJ** , I believe I’ve seen **Quadgop** post the exact same issues with using narcotics for chronic pain. And indeed, every doctor I’ve ever known who’s not a freaking pill mill will tell you the exact same thing. Narcotics suck for managing long-term pain issues, and the issues he outlines with pot are exactly why they suck. It’s just that the other options available to someone outside a specialty pain management practice suck too, typically even more than the narcotics. No police, thank goodness. But I was on company property, still on the clock, but going from one location to another in my own vehicle. Reasonable suspicion gave them the right to test me. I don’t have memory one of the incident. I’m very lucky that I did not hurt someone. I could not have lived with myself if I’d hurt anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/76 "2011-10-19T17:39:06Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > No police, thank goodness. But I was on company property, still on the clock, but going from one location to another in my own vehicle. Reasonable suspicion gave them the right to test me. > I don’t have memory one of the incident. I’m very lucky that I did not hurt someone. I could not have lived with myself if I’d hurt anyone. As far as I understand, having an incident like that on company time would prompt a drug test in many workplaces. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/77 "2011-10-19T19:16:21Z")
So at a guess, it was the Ativan that impaired your judgement enough to cause the accident, and the test showed residual THC which might not have even contributed, but made the results much more damaging to your job. You still have my sympathy. I don’t think you necessarily made the best choices at a few places here, but I know when I have difficulty sleeping (for instance), my judgement is really poor. If you can, take this as a wake-up call from the universe: the current medical regimen (Ativan, THC) isn’t going to work long term, and you need to find another way to cope. Don’t burn any (more) bridges, but do put your heart and soul into your deli. Remember that the judgemental people are probably that was as a defence mechanism: they harbour their own guilty secrets. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/78 "2011-10-20T03:55:53Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > So at a guess, it was the Ativan that impaired your judgement enough to cause the accident, and the test showed residual THC which might not have even contributed, but made the results much more damaging to your job. > > You still have my sympathy. I don’t think you necessarily made the best choices at a few places here, but I know when I have difficulty sleeping (for instance), my judgement is really poor. > > If you can, take this as a wake-up call from the universe: the current medical regimen (Ativan, THC) isn’t going to work long term, and you need to find another way to cope. > > Don’t burn any (more) bridges, but do put your heart and soul into your deli. Remember that the judgemental people are probably that was as a defence mechanism: they harbour their own guilty secrets. Correct. I know I’ve made some bad choices and they have cost me a great deal. This has me so stressed, that I’m having to take small pieces of the Ativan not to have a panic attack. I’ve had 3 pieces today. No smoking at all. Hopefully, I can soon through myself into the deli and things will begin to improve. Thanks again. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/79 "2011-10-20T03:58:09Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > As far as I understand, having an incident like that on company time would prompt a drug test in many workplaces. Yes, It does. I deserve to have lost my job. I’d have fired me too. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909/80 "2011-10-22T21:08:15Z")
How’s it going? Sorry I didn’t get here sooner, but I’ve got very limited internet access and haven’t checked the SDMB in a couple of weeks, I think. Basically, my thoughts have been summed up by a number of posters: The War on Drugs is stupid, the hatred of moderate and responsible marijuana use (whether “medicinally” or recreationally, actually) is stupid, but toking up when you work for someone or want to work for someone who can fire you for it is…well…stupid. Please do consider jumping through the silly hoops and getting a mm card before you begin a new job search. As for the medicinal aspects of marijuana, I agree with QtM, while reaching a slightly different conclusion: The studies that have been done haven’t shown marijuana to be particularly medicinal, but neither have they shown it to be particularly harmful, unless you’re an adolescent with a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia. Therefore, I think if you feel it helps you, it helps you, especially with a condition as subjective as menopausal discomfort. Should you be on the watch for destructive, addictive behaviors? You betcha. But I’d say the same thing about “retail therapy” or eating a piece of chocolate every night before bed. It has **not** been my experience that moderate marijuana users develop much of a tolerance or increase their use over time. Maybe that’s inherent in the definition of “moderate”, though. In fact, a strange phenomenon is often reported, in that people who smoke regularly need fewer, not more, tokes to get high than people who smoke infrequently. Purely anecdotal, from the Journal of Cheech and Chong, but a very widespread and oft-remarked upon belief. I would be interested in some scientific investigation into this issue, but marijuana is generally described, even in my medical texts, as a drug one doesn’t develop a “tolerance” for. I’m far more concerned, now that the whole story is out, about your Ativan use. That’s scary, and should be looked at by a doctor. One question: if you don’t have a doctor, how do you have Ativan in your purse? Is it really old, possibly expired, or was it bought on the street? Street drugs scare the bleep out of me, they really do - anyone with a bag of corn starch for molds can make a pill that looks like Ativan out of anything they want, and you have no way of knowing what it really is. Hang in there hon. Good luck with the deli. I hope this is all a course correction by the Universe, bringing you to the path you really want to tread. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-just-exactly-how-evil-am-i-long-story/599909.md?page=5)