# So maybe I'm autistic! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 5, 2024, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901 "2024-04-05T21:53:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2024, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/41 "2024-04-16T04:42:28Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > It sounds to me like you’ve succeeded in life in spite of your inherent difficulties. I think many, if not most of us have at least some of these difficulties and issues, especially as kids, and either learn how to live with them, or learn how to hide them. I’ve decided, after decades of teaching and raising kids, that everyone is somewhere on every spectrum. So we all need to compensate (and maybe medicate). ---
**Author:** ![DemonTree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demontree/32/8646_2.png) [@DemonTree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonTree)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2024, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/42 "2024-04-16T19:16:10Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I’m confused about the difference between _masking_ and _learning_. I believe we’re talking about the same thing: consciously learning and applying rules in order to imitate something most people do more or less instinctively. Think about the difference between learning your native language as a child and learning a foreign one as an adult. The child absorbs language naturally through exposure; the adult takes lessons, has to memorise specific grammar rules and struggle to get pronunciations correct - and even after years of effort, still does not sound like a native and makes far more mistakes than the kid. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2024, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/43 "2024-04-16T19:34:06Z")
I’ve been reading a bit about the relationship of androgyny and autism. Not so much gender identity as qualities that partake of either gender. Apparently large studies have found that this is physically more prevalent in autistic people, that is, measurements such as waist to hip ratio, head size, ankle size, and some kind of criteria that measure how masculine or feminine one’s facial features are. Autistic males are supposedly less likely to be drawn to the most masculine activities (aggressive sports, destroying things, competitive drinking, etc.) and females, to classic feminine activities (nurturing, grooming one’s appearance, greasing the social wheels). I can’t speak to the masculine side but it is certainly true of me that I have never been able to muster any sustained interest in my appearance, or generalized fussing over babies and children, but I have to wonder if the reason for the noticed reduction of feminine social activity is because most of it is about being socially interested and adept, which of course is not a quality most autistic people have. This wouldn’t be true of men though, they are held to a much lower social-giftedness standard in our culture. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2024, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/44 "2024-04-16T19:46:40Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Autistic males are supposedly less likely to be drawn to the most masculine activities Worth noting that boys on the spectrum tend to have issues with coordination and motor skills that make physical activities like sports less than fun to start with. Both as a practical matter and socially when you’re the worst player on the team. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2024, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/45 "2024-04-17T00:25:39Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > Autistic males are supposedly less likely to be drawn to the most masculine activities (aggressive sports, destroying things, competitive drinking, etc.) and females, to classic feminine activities ( **nurturing** , grooming one’s appearance, greasing the social wheels). I’m not sure how much I buy that because every woman I’ve known with autism, and I know more than most of you probably do given I work in disability advocacy, loves animals. Especially cats, but also dogs. You can’t love animals without being nurturing. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2024, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/46 "2024-04-17T01:01:32Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > I’m not sure how much I buy that because every woman I’ve known with autism, and I know more than most of you probably do given I work in disability advocacy, loves animals. Especially cats, but also dogs. You can’t love animals without being nurturing. Interesting observation (says someone with two dogs twelve chickens a horse and three goats; I’ve really trimmed down). I think I meant the way women are trained to look after others, see others’ needs and fill them. I remember eating dinner out, more than 45 years ago now, with a man and two other women and him saying, do you all realize this is the third time one of you has passed me something I wanted before I asked for it? In retrospect, the reason he both noticed it and mentioned it was because he was gay – I’ve never known a straight man to be very conscious of women waiting on him like faithful slaves – but that little incident kind of epitomizes for me the way women attend, in social settings. I’m also pondering memories of my own mother, in hindsight very obviously on the spectrum. Apparently emotionless, affectionless, hated to be touched, dutiful, almost robotic, as though she had researched how humans behaved and was doing her best to act that way although it felt entirely unnatural to her. Rings lots of bells now. Helps me pity her. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2024, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901/47 "2024-04-17T19:05:19Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > Okay, this is what I really came in the thread to respond to. Unless your therapists specifically know about how autism tends to present in girls (which is still something that a lot of people don’t know about!), then… no, I don’t think they would have mentioned it to you. That is a valid point. In fact, when my son was diagnosed, my husband then put a great amount of effort into learning about how autism is expressed in girls and women, because he began to realize he had probably missed it in certain women who he no longer was working with but now understood as having autistic traits. Before my son was diagnosed, we had an acquaintance, very nice guy, I would have described as moderately socially awkward. Recently he came over for dinner for the first time in years, and within seconds of him walking through the door I was thinking, “Oh, he’s autistic.” He later discussed having watched the show _Love on the Spectrum_ and relating to a lot of it and how he was working with a therapist to explore an autism diagnosis. I just didn’t see it until I knew what to look for. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > My son - on the shallow end of the ASD pool - said a while back that he avoids any mention of his diagnosis, because he knows far too many people who use that designation as an excuse for being fuckups and to demand special attention. This reminds me of women who criticize feminism because they don’t want to be viewed as weak. But just as women have the additional challenge of making their way in a man’s world, autistic people are challenged to make their way in a world of allistic people. It’s entirely possible that those people making “excuses” require more support than your son. You never really know how much people are struggling behind closed doors. > [@elfkin477](#): > > Our parents probably didn’t enjoy this aspect of us very much because dirty or sticky hands often led to tears, but our mom did laugh and say she never worried about me getting dirty as a little kid because the last thing I wanted to do was make mudpies Yeah, I cringe about food messes - maybe my own sensory issues showing up - and my kid doesn’t make any, because he won’t touch anything wet, or sticky, or fresh food - just dry, brown, crunchy things. I feel lucky I’ve never had to deal with a messy kid but also like, maybe he could be just a little more messy? At bottom, I feel like my son is a combination of me and his Dad, cranked up to 11. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-maybe-im-autistic/999901.md?page=2)