# So Much Pun! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694 "2010-07-06T09:28:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incref](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@Incref](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incref)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/1 "2010-07-06T09:28:37Z")
I love puns. I really do. Even when loved ones distance themselves from me, coworkers wish they didn’t work with me and supermodels reconsider their need to sleep with me… I just can’t help myself. I think I’ve heard most decent pun jokes out there. I’ve scoured internet forums, wrestled with google and poured over yellowed joke books. So a gagillion points for anyone who can make me smile with a pun that hasn’t yet graced my ears. ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/2 "2010-07-06T11:27:09Z")
Time for some pun-ishment. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. I got nothing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/3 "2010-07-06T11:34:52Z")
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/4 "2010-07-06T11:35:48Z")
> **[Evil Inc](https://www.evil-inc.com/)** > > Evil Inc by Brad Guigar, a daily supervillain comic strip ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/5 "2010-07-06T11:38:01Z")
Puns are Chuck Norris’ favorite. He loves to pun-ch people in the face. ---
**Author:** ![Incref](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@Incref](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incref)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/6 "2010-07-06T11:39:04Z")
Love them both, but know them well. Perhaps I should provide a counter to each I know? Two very short ones… Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. Don’t join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects! ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/7 "2010-07-06T11:52:44Z")
Q: Did you see that episode of CHiPs in Hawaii where they helped the mayor’s assistant against his evil twin? A: Oh yeah, I think the episode was called “Cool aide and Hawaiian Ponch.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/8 "2010-07-06T11:54:13Z")
I have what my friends and family will attest is an unholy fondness for puns, but I can’t produce them on demand – so I’ll move this to MPSIMS without comment. **twickster** , Cafe Society moderator ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/9 "2010-07-06T11:56:19Z")
When she married she got a new name and a dress. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/10 "2010-07-06T12:07:19Z")
Last spring, at the zoo, a family of robins ended up making their home in the lion’s beard while he was asleep. Fearing for the birds’ safety, the zookeeper was dispatched to find a way to remove them. It involved carefully combing the twigs and leaves from the individual strands of hair, and even with the heavy dose of tranquilizer given the lion, carried a large element of danger. The local TV news crew heard tell of the story, and found it an excellent upbeat feature for their program. After they’d filmed the delicate procedure, they asked the zookeeper how he’d felt about undertaking such a dangerous task. “Well,” he told them, shrugging philosophically, “beast is beast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.” ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/11 "2010-07-06T15:40:11Z")
Barbra Streisand’s making a new movie about a friendly bear who wants to become a rabbi. It’s called Yentl Ben. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/12 "2010-07-06T16:34:04Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Barbra Streisand’s making a new movie about a friendly bear who wants to become a rabbi. It’s called Yentl Ben. That was two-thirds of a pun – P.U. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/13 "2010-07-06T16:40:34Z")
You guys! I just got back from a week of extreme tailoring, out in the forest! It was SEWIN’ TENTS! this probably isn’t that funny but I’ve been wanting to use it for a while ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/14 "2010-07-06T16:43:46Z")
My favorite and soccer related was an actual headline: > **[BBC SPORT | Football | Other Scottish | Super Caley dream realistic?](http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/scot_div_1/2875957.stm)** > > Bobby Mann knows Celtic are now a different proposition as he hopes for a repeat of a famous cup upset. > [@](#): > > The 29-year-old defender is one of only five players left from the team that beat the Glasgow side 3-1 in February 2000 to signal the end of John Barnes’ reign at Celtic Park. > > That result, one of the biggest ever upsets in Scottish football, led to the equally famous newspaper headline “Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/15 "2010-07-06T16:46:06Z")
An evil necromancer was trying to make a barrow wight from a couple of corpses, Allen and Sally Wong. But he failed at this. He soon had to accept that two Wongs don’t make a wight. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/16 "2010-07-06T16:50:03Z")
A bounty hunter strides into town and asks the sheriff if he’s got anyone needs to be tracked down. “Well,” says the sheriff, “I do, but he’s kinda weird.” “Weird how?” asks the bounty hunter. "Hmmm. He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, brown paper shoes, brown paper holster, AND a brown paper gun. " “Whoo-eee! What’s he wanted fer?” “Rustling.” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/17 "2010-07-06T17:04:51Z")
What’s a ninja’s favorite drink? What-Tah! I ate some fried chickpeas and now I falafel. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/18 "2010-07-06T17:10:50Z")
What do you get when you cross 50 male deer with 50 female pigs? A hundred sows and bucks. Why did the Frenchman eat only one egg? Because it was un oeuf. Didja hear about the cab driver who drove for 20 years and had nothing to chauffeur it? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/19 "2010-07-06T17:15:24Z")
A guy who is desperate for work applies for a job as a school bus driver. He gets it, and the supervisor tells him: I’ve got to warn yo, everyone wo has had thisj ob has quit afyter the first day. You only have to make four stops and pick up five kids. That’s your bus, the one with the Sesame Street characters on it. He goes to the first stop and two very fat girls get on. The first one says “My name’s Patty.” The second one says “My name’s Patty, two.” At th second stop, a ver weird looking kid gets on and says “My name’s Ross and I’m so special the kids call me Special Ross.” At the third stop, a littlw black kid get gets on and says Whoo, whassup? My name is Lester G." The driver drives on and starts to notice a sickening smell. He looks in the rear view mirror, and sees that Lester G has taken off a shoe and sock and is picking at a hugh bunion on his foot. The bus drive speeds to the school, drops the kids off, and speeds back to the garage. He finds the supervisor and scream s"I QUIT!" “you quit? Why?” "WHY? WHY? I’ll tell you why. You’ve got me driving two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester G picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!" ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/20 "2010-07-06T17:42:48Z")
[Part One] A Buddhist asks a hot-dog vendor: “Make me one with everything.” [Part Two] Buddhist hands him a $20. Waits. Finally asks for his change. The vendor points to the restaurant behind him and says: “Change comes from within.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694.md?page=2)