# So Much Pun! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694 "2010-07-06T09:28:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/21 "2010-07-06T17:48:20Z")
I went camping over the weekend and got cited for loitering within tent. ---
**Author:** ![thebenn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@thebenn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thebenn)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/22 "2010-07-06T18:36:29Z")
A good pun is its own reword!! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/23 "2010-07-06T18:42:00Z")
What do you call an ocean-going vessel? A saline ship! ---
**Author:** ![banjoDavid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@banjoDavid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/banjoDavid)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/24 "2010-07-06T18:58:48Z")
An inmate escapes from an insane asylum, and rapes a woman in town. The newspaper headline: NUT BOLTS AND SCREWS ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/25 "2010-07-06T19:11:53Z")
So there’s this guy that sells marijuana by the individual cigarette. He’s had a pretty good day, having sold most, but not all of his stock. Relaxing, he lights one of the remaining illicit cigarettes, and is immediately arrested by an undercover cop. Things look grim for his trial. They say he’s facing joint and several liability… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/26 "2010-07-06T20:06:38Z")
> [@banjoDavid](#): > > An inmate escapes from an insane asylum, and rapes a woman in town. > > The newspaper headline: > > NUT BOLTS AND SCREWS A midget fortune-teller, well-known for scamming the credulous, escapes from prison. The newspaper headline: SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/27 "2010-07-06T20:08:50Z")
Here’s one that I’m rather proud of. It’s original, so you won’t have heard it before (unless you saw me posting it previously) But you have to be a Doctor Who fan to understand it. The episode End Of The World featured a principal villainess who was, basically a brain in a bottle and a skin stretched over a frame. She looked [like this](http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/gallery/monsters/1024/cassandra.jpg). At the end of the episode she appeared to catch fire and burn to death. On the first American broadcast of the episode, some dopers were discussing the show during transmission, and speculating on how the episode would end. My response to the speculation can be [seen here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7214616&highlight=#post7214616). ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/28 "2010-07-06T20:20:16Z")
A group of Franciscan monks decided they were going to open up a flower shop in the local town. This irked the local merchant guild, as the monks refused to pay dues to the guild on religious grounds, so the merchants hired a local tough named Hugh to burn their shop down before the had a chance to make a single sale. The moral of the story? Only Hugh can prevent florist friars. ---
**Author:** ![first\_edition](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@first\_edition](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/first_edition)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/29 "2010-07-06T20:24:54Z")
Reading my posts is almost imparsible. If it aint a pachyderm it’s irrelephant. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/30 "2010-07-06T21:22:57Z")
One I made up on the spot in 8th grade… I had a friend who had a treehouse big enough to sleep out in. We had set up camp within it when his mom appeared at the back door to tell us she was locking up the house for the night, so if we needed to use the bathroom, now was the time. At which point I said to my friend: “Yes…leak now, or forever hold your piss!” ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/31 "2010-07-06T21:39:47Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > At which point I said to my friend: “Yes…leak now, or forever hold your piss!” Oh, urine trouble for that one, Mister. ---
**Author:** ![SantaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@SantaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SantaMan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/32 "2010-07-06T23:51:04Z")
Melvin Famie, a pitcher for the Milwaukee Brewers falls prey to his desire for the brew during big game, and sneaks drinks between every inning. His pitching becomes more and more erratic and they lose the game. The winning team notices the pitcher’s bottle and proclaims “That’s the beer that made Mel Famie Walk us” _ducks and runs_ ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/33 "2010-07-07T02:11:08Z")
My effort in post #3 of [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=535211) is one of the prouder moments of my life, even if I say so myself. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/34 "2010-07-07T02:53:00Z")
Think I’ve posted these before: A fire broke out in a movie theater in a region of Spain. Because there was only one emergency exit, there was much more loss of life than there otherwise would have been. You shouldn’t put all of your Basques in one exit. A couple guys were drinking and fishing on a pier. They got to arguing over if there were more slats, or slits between the slats on the pier. The discussion got more heated as more beer was consumed. They finally decided to settle it by counting the damn things, and headed down the pier counting. Unfortunately, the guy counting the spaces between planks was so focused, we walked right off the end into the lake. Cuz when you’re out of slits, you’re out of pier. Was this one a Far Side? NASA is trying to prevent further destruction to the ozone layer by launching a protective layer of cows into orbit. It’s the herd shot 'round the world. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/35 "2010-07-07T07:39:16Z")
Is this a pun?: I was feeling sad the other day so I went to the Humane Society to play with their cats, and they had a couple of kittens. You know, nothing cheers me up like a little pussy. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/36 "2010-07-07T15:30:01Z")
The exotic pet store down the road from me has for sale a big Cuban lizard that can sing Jewish folk songs. A genuine Havana Gila. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/37 "2010-07-07T16:09:32Z")
Arthur Dent needs some money. He strangles a man but only gets 32 cents. He strangles another man and only gets 60 cents. Getting desperate he strangles a third man and only finds 8 cents. Then the police catch him. The next day there is a story about him in the paper, “Artie chokes three for a dollar.” ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/38 "2010-07-08T10:20:22Z")
You know what punk rockers go camping in? IN TENTS!! \m/ \>.\< \m/ I used to tell a joke about Jonestown but the punch line was too long. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/39 "2010-07-08T14:28:45Z")
Here is one that I came up with. John Steinbeck had a serious case of writers block. In desperation he studied Buddism. He also took a trip to the arctic looking for inspiration. When he came back he wrote his great novel… Of Ice And Zen. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694/40 "2010-07-08T14:35:57Z")
When the crow purchased a beverage at Starbuck’s, he had to pay a caw-fee. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-much-pun/545694.md?page=3)