# So, my parents are taking my niece and nephews (long, boring) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 15, 2011, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661 "2011-01-15T00:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/21 "2011-01-16T00:43:05Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > And the mom is disabled and incompetent but not cat-killing psycho - at least one of the cats is hers. Sorry: just checking. I’m tainted by personal experience, and am glad to read this. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/22 "2011-01-16T00:53:06Z")
I can’t even imagine how that must have felt and I’m glad you left that situation! My parents have been very much involved with the school counselors since the suicide shit started and have been pretty impressed with them. The grades are surprisingly good although the attendance is shockingly bad. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/23 "2011-01-16T02:02:11Z")
It may be the kids view school as a haven, a place more sane and ordered than their chaotic home life. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/24 "2011-01-16T14:53:58Z")
Try not to be alarmed if this happens: When my niece was living in her old, abusive home, she had an extremely high GPA; she was ranked in the top ten at her school. After she came to live with us, her graded plummeted. (This has something to do with PTSD). After she had been here a year, her grades picked back up and now they are fine. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/25 "2011-01-16T17:20:19Z")
I’m just chewing my fingernails off because my parents decided to spring it on them tomorrow on the school holiday. It’s driving me absolutely up the wall with nerves - why on earth couldn’t we do it yesterday and get it over with? I’m terrified their mom is going to fight it or some other disaster will occur and I just want it over with. By the way, parents of adult children - this is one way to get them to get their shit out of your house. Yesterday I hauled a whole carload of size 2 clothes off from the upstairs closets. On the one hand, I’ll make a killing at the consignment store. On the other hand, I feel like an elderly whale. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/26 "2011-01-16T17:26:05Z")
**Zsofia** , I have no advice; I just want to say that you and your parents are doing a wonderful thing. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/27 "2011-01-17T08:04:24Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > What I thought I could maybe do, little as it is, is sit these kids down and tell that that no matter what, I’m the person who won’t lie to them. If I don’t want to answer a question or don’t feel I should I’ll tell them that, but I’ll neither lie in fact or by omission. Thing is, I think maybe I’m thinking like a 30 year old adult and not like a 14 year old boy - hell if I know what they need to hear. I’ve been that person for so many kids I’ve lost count, but I’ve never spelled it out. They figure it out soon enough, and spelling it out makes that person sound fake. Figure out specific ways in which you can help, and offer those: a shopping trip to look for decoration stuff, for example (I assume many items will simply be from their old house, but as a teenager I was always willing to buy new posters). ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/28 "2011-01-17T08:48:39Z")
I’m rooting for you and the kids. Do let us know what’s the outcome. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/29 "2011-01-17T21:58:52Z")
The good news - my dad, who I was worried about convincing the mother because he gets so angry, pulled it off like a champ. No argument from her. The bad news - I’m posting because I’m supposed to be helping my nephew pack but he’s curled up on his bed sobbing into a cat and I don’t want to embarrass the poor guy. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/30 "2011-01-17T22:42:19Z")
**Zsofia** - Anyway they can keep the cats confined to their bedrooms? Your mom probably won’t spend time in there, and cats can do well on limited space. StG ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/31 "2011-01-17T23:14:06Z")
Maybe that’s something they can consider at a later date when theyre more settled? I don’t know how my mom would feel about it - litterboxa cleanup wasnt really attended to at their house. Everybody seems pretty good now, actually. Got them packed and moved and the previously heartbroken teenager is very excited about changing the pink rosebud wallpaper in his new room. Dad told my brother after them and that’s not going so great. The mother seems upset but resigned now, but I worry about what happens if he starts working on her. On the other hand, possession is 9/10 of the law! We got the kids with no screaming and now we’re all about to have a nice family dinner, sister in law included. Her mom is here visiting and we’re a little worried about her influence too. Something tells me this may not be the most awesome dinner I’ve ever had. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/32 "2011-01-17T23:18:50Z")
There definitely needs to be a court visit for temporary guardianship. I don’t know how your parents are going about this, but if the parents of the kids don’t agree with this arrangement, then they will have every right to go get those kids back. I would strongly encourage your mom and dad to do this legally. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2011, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/33 "2011-01-17T23:34:46Z")
I second that. If anything has to be taken care of at school, one needs to be a legal guardian to accomplish it. We moved very swiftly to get the paperwork drawn up and signed by the parents so that it could go before the judge. Since we talked both parents into signing the document voluntarily, the judge signed it with no questions asked. The attorney’s fees were less than a thousand dollars. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/34 "2011-01-18T00:58:25Z")
I believe my dad is seeing his lawyer friend tomorrow, or at least this week. Luckily they have the power of attorney. The brother is still in the hospital, of course. The big threat hanging over my brother and his wife is DSS - the counselor told my mom that one more absence would mean a mandatory visit, and then Friday the mom lied to the school because she was too lazy to take them! My mom got a call from the guidance counselor and dragged them in around noon. Foster care is a very real threat that my dad bludgeoned them with at our little meeting. I think he should reassure them that they’ll keep getting the kids’ disability money as a bribe. They have GOT to know they won’t win in court - she’s a felon and don’t get me started on what we could bring on him, the least of which being he could have accidentally shot one of the kids in this bullshit. (unfortunately the police report reads accident - it also says they secured the weapon, which in a house full of kids evidently means they put it on the nightstand.) ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/35 "2011-01-18T04:12:56Z")
If you can have the papers drawn up showing that the parents and the children are all in agreement to give guardianship to your mom & dad, it will make everything smooth sailing. If you have to fight in court, I hear that it can be tough and takes a while. Good luck hon. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/36 "2011-01-18T05:10:01Z")
We just hope it doesn’t end up in court, for the sake pf the kids. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/37 "2011-01-18T07:24:40Z")
Something else for which the paperwork needs to get considered toot-sweet is insurance. A Texan coworker of mine was caring for her grandson (both parents in prison), but because she wasn’t the guardian yet she had the most horrible problems getting medical care for the kid. She couldn’t get him covered under state programs because her income was too high for those, but she couldn’t put him under her insurance either - a nightmare! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/38 "2011-01-18T14:25:27Z")
The kids get Medicare (I think? One of the Medic\*s) because of their mother’s disability. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/39 "2011-01-18T14:58:04Z")
Yeah well, this kid would have been entitled to prison doctors… if he’d been living with his mom. Your nephews will now be living with their grandparents, and it’s important to dot every single i and cross every single t, before some piece of paperwork nobody thought of suddenly becomes necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661/40 "2011-01-18T19:28:34Z")
I hope they’re talking to the lawyer right now - I wish they’d worked it all out ahead of time, but I understand why they didn’t want to tip their hand to the parents, you know? I just saw my half-brother’s Facebook page for the first time and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. His profile picture is this big bad Army Rangers Special Forces logo and his education is all Ranger School this and SF that, which is cute because he was in the Army for about six months before he quit. My mother says all his paperwork at the hospital is “Sergeant” this and that, too. There comes a point where all you can do is just laugh and laugh. Evidently he told the shrink that his problems stem from his PTSD from secret missions in Grenada. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-my-parents-are-taking-my-niece-and-nephews-long-boring/567661.md?page=3)