# So now I have a completely appropriate girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 9, 2016, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608 "2016-02-09T09:53:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/41 "2016-02-10T13:25:33Z")
Also, who keeps a wedding dress “tucked away”? Even if it’s more of a “nice dress that could double as a wedding dress should the occasion arise,” she’s had it long enough, unworn, that it needs tailoring. Watch Fatal Attraction and Girl, Interrupted with her. If she roots for Glenn Close and Angelina Jolie, you have your answer as to how fast you need to run. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/42 "2016-02-10T14:00:11Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Also, who keeps a wedding dress “tucked away”? Miss Haversham? ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/43 "2016-02-10T14:31:53Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Miss Haversham? :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/44 "2016-02-10T14:50:28Z")
As I said after my divorce… “If you ignore the forest of red flags to be in a relationship because you want it, you will be beaten with every last one of those red flags on the way out of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/45 "2016-02-10T15:13:14Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > This woman could not possibly throw out more red flags, short of boiling your rabbit. I agree with all you and elbows said, but let’s remember that she’s not the only one who’s throwing out red flags. He’s tossing them around like he’s in the Soviet Union on May Day: > [@](#): > > Good grief, the bulk of my “social life” since 2003 has been the SDMB, and the occasional foray into my favorite karaoke bar. Red flag. > [@](#): > > Michaelle was sick on Sunday, so I spent the entire day just getting caught up on all the current TV shows I’ve neglected over the past several weeks in order to spend my time with her. “neglected…to spend time with her”? If you feel like you’re “neglecting” a TV show to make time for your future bride? Red flag. > [@](#): > > Keep in mind that both I and Michaelle were mildly intoxicated. I said something about “May, but after my birthday” (I turn 50 on May 17). I remember Michaelle texting “May 30” to Candace. I was speaking “in the hypothetical”, as in just giving time frame. At least … to the best of my recollection. “To the best of my recollection” is said by either people who drink too much or politicians who are photographed in compromising positions. Red flag. > [@](#): > > According to Michaelle, I stated May 30 as a firm date … If your best answer is “…to the best of my recollection” then I’m assuming you gave a firm date. Red flag. > [@](#): > > Michaelle has announced the date to her entire family, and I haven’t even told my pastor that I’m getting married and want him to officiate. Does Michaelle want him to officiate? If she’s only been to your church a couple of times and won’t return, the problem just might be that she’s not comfortable with your church. Did you talk to her about it or jump to conclusions like you did with the prescription med thing below? Red flag. > [@](#): > > Then … she’s not an Internet user. I had to explain to her tonight that spoken conversation is difficult for me. I wasn’t joking when I said that the SDMB has been my social life. Red flag. The SDMB and internet stuff is fun, but if it’s your “social life”, from her POV, this should be a “Back away while maintaining eye contact” flag. > [@](#): > > When I type … I still say stupid things, but most of the time my stupid things can be blamed on typing while drunk. In spoken conversation, the stupidity remains even when I’m stone-sober. Um—what you type remains when you’re stone-sober as well. Red flag. > [@](#): > > I’m also growing concerned that she has a prescription med addiction. Why else would she, after our completely sober, but difficult, conversation tonight, text me to tell me that she was going to be “sick” tomorrow? Advance notice on being sick. Hmm. Or, perhaps she has an upset tummy and thinks it’ll get worse. Or perhaps she needs a little space. How you jump from “I don’t feel well, let’s call tomorrow off because I feel kinda sick” to “OMG SHE’S A COUGH-SYRUP ADDICT” is…you got it…red flag. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/46 "2016-02-10T15:24:42Z")
This sounds like a trainwreck. She is tossing out red flags left and right. And you sound no where near ready for a relationship, let alone marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/47 "2016-02-10T15:38:05Z")
FWIW, Memorial Day weekend will not be a convenient date for a lot of the guests, since they’re likely to have other vacation plans then. Red Flag! 😉 > [@bobkitty](#): > > Also, who keeps a wedding dress “tucked away”? There was a woman at my old office who did this. She went to Filene’s Basement, and they had one she loved at a really great price. She told us she was keeping it stored under her bed. Later she told us about meeting a new guy online (we all over-shared a bit in that office), and the rest of us gossiped about that a bit, since computer dating was still a very new thing back then. We imagined the man being ensnared by the wedding dress, his mind being clouded by its emanations from under the bed as they went at it above. (We all gossiped a bit too much in that office). Sure enough, before long they were married. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/48 "2016-02-10T19:21:18Z")
Add me to the growing chorus who think this is going to end incredibly badly unless you both immediately sit down and have an actual human conversation about this relationship. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/49 "2016-02-10T21:13:35Z")
“Fighting ignorance since 1973.” Well, I suppose I’m less ignorant of the motivations of a spanking enthusiast weirdo who seems to deem it important that his rather strange sexual fantasies should be shared with the rest of us (did you find the right girls knickers for your spanking, Rik?), but it doesn’t really ring true with what the SD used to be. Rik: You are the sort that hunts foxes round Windsor. Mods: Work that one out… ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/50 "2016-02-10T21:19:59Z")
> [@mascaroni](#): > > “Fighting ignorance since 1973.” > > Well, I suppose I’m less ignorant of the motivations of a spanking enthusiast weirdo who seems to deem it important that his rather strange sexual fantasies should be shared with the rest of us (did you find the right girls knickers for your spanking, Rik?), but it doesn’t really ring true with what the SD used to be. Oh my, what would the congregation think? ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/51 "2016-02-10T21:45:33Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Oh my, what would the congregation think? “More tea, Vicar…” The SD’s becoming like an Agony Aunt column. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/52 "2016-02-10T22:41:27Z")
Look, “Because I’m tired of being alone” is a perfectly fine reason to be in a relationship. It’s the reason people have relationships! And it’s perfectly fine to have a perfectly great relationship with someone who is imperfect, because everyone is imperfect. So of course your new girlfriend has her own issues, and so do you. This doesn’t mean you can’t be with her, or have fun with her, or care for her. Neither does it mean that you won’t get your heart broken. Let your heart get broken, if that’s what happens. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/53 "2016-02-10T23:17:31Z")
This is some George Costanza-level nuttiness. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/54 "2016-02-11T00:11:03Z")
I think you need to have a few conversations with while neither one of you is drinking, or sick. It sounds like you’re both in love and having fun. Lots of relationships have survived that awkward “getting to know you” wall you’ve just hit, but at least try to sound things out of bit before you leap into marriage. How does your church feel about rushed marriages? Perhaps you should go with a longer engagement, and get married after you’ve know each other just a bit longer. I wish you all the best. I married my husband fairly quickly, and we’ve made it almost 25 years at this point. The beginning was rough, but it’s do-able with the right person. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/55 "2016-02-11T01:42:59Z")
Maybe the wedding dress belongs to a relative, like her mother or her grandmother? (I have my grandmother’s wedding veil in the cedar chest – I’m not planning on using it any time soon, but it’s not the kind of thing you want to get rid of!) So perhaps it’s just a family heirloom. > [@Lemur866](#): > > Look, “Because I’m tired of being alone” is a perfectly fine reason to be in a relationship. It’s the reason people have relationships! Bad reason to get married, though, you know? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/56 "2016-02-11T02:52:24Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Maybe the wedding dress belongs to a relative, like her mother or her grandmother? Maybe she saved the dress from the first time she got married. This isn’t Amy Farrah Fowler; she’s got kids and grandchildren. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/57 "2016-02-11T10:45:52Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Maybe she saved the dress from the first time she got married. I think so. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/58 "2016-02-11T16:53:55Z")
**Rik,** you should talk to this woman’s children - they’re 29 and 28 years old - and ask them if their mother is prone to unusual psychiatric behavior, or being impulsive, or saying things or promising things before the time has come. Because she sounds very unreliable and impulsive. You don’t necessarily have to rule out marriage to her, but you do must confront her some time about her behavior. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/59 "2016-02-11T17:06:30Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > **Rik,** you should talk to this woman’s children - they’re 29 and 28 years old - and ask them if their mother is prone to unusual psychiatric behavior, or being impulsive, or saying things or promising things before the time has come. Because she sounds very unreliable and impulsive. You don’t necessarily have to rule out marriage to her, but you do must confront her some time about her behavior. Heh. “Hey, guys, is your mother…bonkers?” ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2016, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608/60 "2016-02-11T17:23:54Z")
As I began reading this thread, my first thought was, “Hey a **Mister Rik** thread with a happy ending and positive outcome! Hooray for him.” But as read further down, it turns out this one looks headed in the same direction as all the rest. Sorry dude. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-i-have-a-completely-appropriate-girlfriend/745608.md?page=4)