# So... now your job is writing fortune cookie fortunes. What do you write? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952 "2017-02-16T01:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/21 "2017-02-16T12:22:41Z")
Checked by operator 83. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/22 "2017-02-16T12:23:37Z")
I like the Homer Simpson approach: “You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial.” “The price of stamps will climb ever higher.” “You will invent a humorous toilet lid.” “You will find true love on Flag Day.” “Your store is being robbed, Apu.” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/23 "2017-02-16T12:46:55Z")
A rare form of adult-onset dyslexia is about to dfmmpf kdrsajrek shdfa fjklew ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/24 "2017-02-16T13:06:30Z")
I’d stick to only doing actual fortunes. And little ones at that. Instead of the classic “You will find true love on Flag Day.” I’d write something less specific like “Your love life will improve by Flag Day.” I hate those non-fortunes. Bits on lame wisdom. Random sayings. “Cold reading” quotes (“You are a kind but misunderstood person.”) Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/25 "2017-02-16T14:10:28Z")
"Flowers gathered in the morning, "Afternoon they bloosom on, "Still are withered in the evening, “You can be me when I’m gone.” ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/26 "2017-02-16T16:05:57Z")
_You can’t try to walk down two different roads and look to both of them to bring you home._ (I stole that from Mike Nesmith) ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/27 "2017-02-16T17:18:14Z")
“Don’t order the duck” ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/28 "2017-02-16T17:22:51Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > “Don’t order the duck” Or, one of my all-time favorites: “That wasn’t chicken.” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/29 "2017-02-16T17:34:29Z")
“Free advice is often worth what you pay for it” “Beware the false Lama” “This fortune slip is dosed with blotter acid. Enjoy” “cash value 1/100 yuan” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/30 "2017-02-16T17:56:51Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You will not be able to add the words “in bed” to this fortune in bed. > > Still works. Sorry, dude. “You will have regular bowel movements.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/31 "2017-02-16T18:08:40Z")
help im locked in the basement they do things to me at night help please oh god theyre comi ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/32 "2017-02-16T18:12:50Z")
I would make them incredibly specific. “Paul, your wife is sleeping with David” “Your silver Nissan Altima will soon be recalled” “Yes, Brenda was making fun of you at that party” “Your thrift store sportcoat has $300 sewn into the lining” 99% of the time, nothing, but once in a while…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/33 "2017-02-16T18:29:24Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > “Don’t order the duck” Don’t duck the order. -You are too old to believe in fortune cookies. -If you got this fortune out of the cookie with no breakage, using your tongue only, call me now at 555-1212. -You will be -This space intentionally left blank. -You will be the subject of a celebrated write up in a major medical journal. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/34 "2017-02-16T18:38:56Z")
The waiter knows kung fu. Tip well. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/35 "2017-02-16T18:47:09Z")
“I licked the inside of this cookie.” ---
**Author:** ![Rain\_Soaked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rain\_Soaked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rain_Soaked)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/36 "2017-02-16T19:10:39Z")
Please Pay Your Server ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/37 "2017-02-16T20:10:21Z")
I am entertaining myself turning these into Trump fortunes by adding “Sad!” to the end of all of them. Bee’s love you even if you don’t love them back. Sad! ( **astro** ) You have a particular set of skills. Sad! ( **snfaulkner** ) etc. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/38 "2017-02-16T20:56:42Z")
It’s spelled “segue” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/39 "2017-02-16T21:00:51Z")
“Thank you for your custom. We hope you enjoyed your meal. Now fuck off.” ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/40 "2017-02-16T21:27:47Z")
I got one once that said; “Embarrassing photos will surface.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952.md?page=3)