# So... now your job is writing fortune cookie fortunes. What do you write? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952 "2017-02-16T01:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/41 "2017-02-16T22:42:51Z")
The antichrist has risen. Your soul will be tormented for 1000 years. Puke ensues. Extra MSG ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/42 "2017-02-16T23:15:03Z")
Some will die on the way home. Beware your next airplane flight. You will not accomplish your goals. Do not leave the restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/43 "2017-02-16T23:18:52Z")
Listen to your dog. He knows what you should do. Sex with prostitutes is free if you kill them afterward, or during. Or before. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/44 "2017-02-17T02:22:42Z")
“Live like you are the front end of the pantomime horse, even if you are the rear end.” “You will conquer many countries and subjugate entire peoples to achieve success.” “Be on the lookout for falling pianos; They cast their shadows beforehand.” “You will receive some high prize or award or “Congratulations! You’ve won a prize.” letter.” “Your neighbor’s cat will shit in your flowerpot and make you angry today.” “Don’t touch the rod while it is still hot.” “A short stranger will soon enter your life and ask you to reach for something from the top shelf.” “Land is always on the mind of a flying hippopotamus.” “What breaks in a moment may take hours for the smell to fade.” “You are not a goat.” “Discover the poo within yourself.” “You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can change your underpants.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/45 "2017-02-17T02:28:30Z")
You will crush your enemies under your chariot wheels, and hear the lamentations of their women. ---
**Author:** ![Weisshund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba8739/32.png) [@Weisshund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weisshund)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/46 "2017-02-17T02:40:10Z")
Help, i am trapped in a Chinese bakery! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/47 "2017-02-17T02:48:18Z")
“Do not react to this. Pretend everything is normal. Your house is bugged. Your phone is bugged. They are always watching. Destroy this message. Leave via the back. We will be in touch.” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/48 "2017-02-17T04:24:24Z")
“The final Pokemon Go location is 300 meters north of the remains of the Menri monastery, approximately 29.509°N 89.535°E” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/49 "2017-02-17T04:38:55Z")
“Sorry - your fortune is in another cookie” ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/50 "2017-02-17T05:19:34Z")
This cookie is known to the State of California to cause cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/51 "2017-02-17T18:05:37Z")
You will soon meet a tall, dark cliche. ---
**Author:** ![GoodOmens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@GoodOmens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GoodOmens)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/52 "2017-02-19T11:36:58Z")
The harmonic series diverges. However, the alternating harmonic series converges, specifically to ln(2). ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2017, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/53 "2017-02-20T10:02:13Z")
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/54 "2017-08-10T02:38:28Z")
Most people around you know more languages than you do. Change your password NOW. Do not step on the orange floor tile. You will be the subject of a headline. Next time, order the 蘑菇雞片. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/55 "2017-08-10T02:48:35Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Or, one of my all-time favorites: > > “That wasn’t chicken.” OH SHIT ! I don’t think I going to eat Chinese food anymore ! LOL! ---
**Author:** ![GoodOmens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@GoodOmens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GoodOmens)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/56 "2017-08-10T21:01:05Z")
“The alternating harmonic series converges to ln(2).” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/57 "2017-08-11T00:39:33Z")
Mmmmmm, mushroom chicken. Your doctor missed something important. You will find the love of your live in Mogadishu. Everything you love will become a burden to you. No one knows what you did, yet. You have already met your assassin. Kim Jong Un will vaporize your house. Trump will blame Hilary. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/58 "2017-08-11T01:34:30Z")
Being lazy and having Internet access, I’ll simply rip off lines from country music Your cheatin’ heart will make you weep Worry, why do you let yourself worry, wondering what in the world did you do? Don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys Stand by your man Blue ain’t your color ---
**Author:** ![Dereknocue67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dereknocue67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dereknocue67)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/59 "2017-08-11T08:52:58Z")
I would write, "Anything your read in a fortune cookie is, depending on your age, either horseshit or bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![antechinus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@antechinus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antechinus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952/60 "2017-08-11T10:59:10Z")
Put everything on horse 9 in race 5 at Royal Randwick next Saturday The young lion will overcome the older one Try again [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-now-your-job-is-writing-fortune-cookie-fortunes-what-do-you-write/779952.md?page=4)