### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/2 "2001-07-25T17:04:12Z")
**NOOOOOOOOOOO**
What are you trying to do to me? I’ll be forced to speak to my children, interact with my husband. I’ll have to read or ::gasp:: actually go _outdoors_. I need my carmel covered crack!
Oh, the humanity.
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### Author:  [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/3 "2001-07-25T17:13:10Z")
\
I predict that we will see a spike in the number of Doper Births between April 20 and 22, 2002.
(Yes, I have a pregnancy wheel at my desk.)
Dr. J
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### Author:  [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/4 "2001-07-25T19:09:10Z")
Oooh! Oooh! Mista Kotta! Me too!
So, **Jerry** , whatcha gonna try? New hamsters? A brand-new Pinnacle Chip?
(Geez Doc, aren’t you off OB rotation yet?)
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### Author:  [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/5 "2001-07-25T19:24:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Biggirl \*
> **NOOOOOOOOOOO
> What are you trying to do to me? I’ll be forced to speak to my children, interact with my husband. I’ll have to read or ::gasp:: actually go _outdoors_. I need my carmel covered crack!**
well, **BigGirl** we can always fix the world via email (tho’ since we agree on 98%, that would only take us to noon on Saturday. No, you’re right, we need to scream. \*\* Nooooooooooo\*\*)
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/6 "2001-07-25T20:49:29Z")
Cool! I’m AFK from Friday morning through Sunday night anyway.
Excellent timing, **Zotti!** Here’s a shiny new dime for yourself.
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/7 "2001-07-25T20:56:07Z")
I too congratulate the SDMB administration. I’ve got one more weekend of working on my novel before the contest deadline and I can use all the help I can get staying focused.
I’d also like to say, thanks for trying whatever you’re going to try to make things better, on behalf of all of those who won’t think to appreicate the effort.
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/8 "2001-07-25T21:44:52Z")
**KneadToKnow** , who says the techs are trying to make things _better_? Enjoy the SDMB as it is, while you can! MWAHAHAHAHA.
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### Author:  [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/9 "2001-07-25T21:51:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Biggirl \*
> \*\ ***NOOOOOOOOOOO**
> What are you trying to do to me? I’ll be forced to speak to my children, interact with my husband. I’ll have to read or ::gasp:: actually go _outdoors_. I need my carmel covered crack!
> \*\*
“carmel covered crack”?
Am I the only one who doesn’t get this?
What’s the matter with you people?
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### Author:  [@jdavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jdavis)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/10 "2001-07-25T22:25:17Z")
We’re going to attempt to split the SDMB basically in half. A “live” version which will contain threads active within the last 12 months. A “read-only archive” version which will contain threads that haven’t seen any activity within the last 12 months. The read-only archive will not allow further modification to a thread but will still be available for searching and research. You’ll have to physically navigate to the archive so it’s not going to be totally transparent. A reduction in the searchable size of the live database is an absolute necessity though if we hope to gain any performance improvements.
So, about 40% of the content is going to move to a different web server, different database, different hardware. The theory is that we should then see some temporary performance improvement of what will be the “live” SDMB. If this works out as expected then about once a month we’ll be able to take the threads from the live database that haven’t seen any activity within the past year and move them over to the read-only archive. That way we’ll keep the live database at a more manageable size. Lather, rinse, repeat…
[Edited by jdavis on 07-25-2001 at 05:27 PM]
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### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/11 "2001-07-25T22:47:38Z")
_sighs_ This is bad. I’m supposed to be doing housecleaning this weekend and I was planning on using the board as an excuse for not having done it. _Now_ what am I going to use for an excuse to not clean the house?
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### Author:  [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/12 "2001-07-25T23:20:06Z")
**Jerry** ,
Sounds like a great idea - thanks for all the work you do to keep this place running. This place has turned out to be pretty important to me (and some other people, I imagine), so I just wanted to thanks.
I had a thought - did you consider leaving the old/new ratio alone and dividing the board by Forum instead? I don’t know if this is a better idea or not; I just know that it is a different one and options are a good thing. It seems to me that if you moved GD and MPSIMS onto one server and left everything else on the other, that would balance the load as well.
Just a thought - keep up the great work! 🙂
Thanks.
- **sdimbert**
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### Author:  [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/13 "2001-07-26T00:45:25Z")
I hope it all works. (Just now, it took me ten minutes to login and get to the Reply page.) I’m glad to know this ahead of time. I’ve been meaning to catch up on my activities on other boards. I rarely post here on Sundays, anyway.
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### Author:  [@Linear\_Crack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linear_Crack)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/14 "2001-07-26T01:46:42Z")
\*\*
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Biggirl \*
>
> “carmel covered crack”?
>
> Am I the only one who doesn’t get this?
>
> What’s the matter with you people? \*\*
I don’t quite understand this either.
From what _I’ve_ read, drug use in **Carmel** _has_ been on a steady decline since Clint Eastwood moved there. 😃
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### Author:  [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/15 "2001-07-26T01:50:49Z")
Excellent weekend choice! I’ll be moving this weekend and now I won’t feel so much 'Net withdrawal.
Maybe.
Add my thanks to the list. This sounds like a massive undertaking.
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/16 "2001-07-26T02:32:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by jdavis \*
> **We’re going to attempt to split the SDMB basically in half.**
It’ll never work.
Never trust the Science Guys. Dr. Josef Mengele was a Science Guy.
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### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/17 "2001-07-26T04:21:35Z")
Don’t let Jerry bs you, he’s replacing all the hamsters.
And feeding them speed.
your humble TubaDiva
Administrator
who will always, always tell you the truth.
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### Author:  [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/18 "2001-07-26T05:03:41Z")
This is clearly another instance of moderator and admin abuse of power.
The hamsters clearly should be fed crystal meth.
Wankers.
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### Author:  [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/19 "2001-07-26T06:05:09Z")
Dammit, and here I was hoping that they were going to install the NetSlap 2.14 software… you know, the program that allows you to smack someone who’s acting like a dork on the Boards? I dream of the day when we get that…
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [July 26, 2001, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-the-maintainance/73750/20 "2001-07-26T10:21:38Z")
Sounds like a hell of a good idea to me, Jerry. Best of luck with the cybersurgery!
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