# So this guy has the power to cure cancer, but there's this tiny little problem... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 7, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657 "2010-03-07T21:38:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/41 "2010-03-08T19:33:28Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Doesn’t the OP basically describe an exaggerated version of the deal the American people had with Dick Cheney? > > My take on the guy (in the OP, not specifically Dick Cheney) is that if we make some kind of deal to leave him alive and let him heal people, he will eventually (on his deathbed) reveal that he’s scammed us all along. He could really have healed an _unlimited_ number of people _effortlessly_ – so while we thought he was laboriously healing a few hundred over the course of decades, he was actually killing _every other cancer patient on Earth_ at the time (through inaction) except the few he healed for appearances, thus furthering his serial-killing career to unheard-of totals. But I was raised in the Twilight Zone. I don’t get this analogy at all. Who did Cheney ever heal? Who COULD he even heal that he didn’t? He shot his buddy in the face, fer chrissakes. Cheney is a serial killer, with no redemptive powers, who never got locked away, ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/42 "2010-03-08T19:38:30Z")
One factor I haven’t seen mentioned in all of the “keep him alive” scenarios is security. The word will get out about this guy eventually, at which point the price on his (alive) head would undoubtedly be huge. Whole countries would band together to finance operations to nab this guy. Keeping him in a secure location probably wouldn’t be enough. He would probably need to be moved often (if not just being constantly on the move, which may hurt his healing mojo). There would have to be procedures whereby patients are taken to him in a manner such that the patients cannot determine his location and can’t be followed, and remember that some of the patients may not be physically able to go from a car to a hovercraft to a flying/diving sub/plane or whatever. So, bottom line, security presents a huge on-going cost that needs to be weighed against the benefits (which, of course, is difficult, given that some of the benefits are non-monetary). ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/43 "2010-03-08T19:47:27Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I don’t get this analogy at all. Who did Cheney ever heal? Who COULD he even heal that he didn’t? He shot his buddy in the face, fer chrissakes. And made him _apologize_. That’s the scary thing. It’s almost like a Chuck Norris joke. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/44 "2010-03-08T19:50:25Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > One factor I haven’t seen mentioned in all of the “keep him alive” scenarios is security. The word will get out about this guy eventually, at which point the price on his (alive) head would undoubtedly be huge. Whole countries would band together to finance operations to nab this guy. > > Keeping him in a secure location probably wouldn’t be enough. He would probably need to be moved often (if not just being constantly on the move, which may hurt his healing mojo). There would have to be procedures whereby patients are taken to him in a manner such that the patients cannot determine his location and can’t be followed, and remember that some of the patients may not be physically able to go from a car to a hovercraft to a flying/diving sub/plane or whatever. > > So, bottom line, security presents a huge on-going cost that needs to be weighed against the benefits (which, of course, is difficult, given that some of the benefits are non-monetary). And again we have to remember that _if_ we lose him we’re not just losing out on whatever miracles he can perform in his lifetime. If we lose the guy we’re missing out on the chance to dissect him when he dies and consequently a very good chance to discover the cure for cancer. It’s not worth it, off with his head. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/45 "2010-03-08T20:01:36Z")
> [@](#): > > One factor I haven’t seen mentioned in all of the “keep him alive” scenarios is security. The word will get out about this guy eventually, at which point the price on his (alive) head would undoubtedly be huge. Whole countries would band together to finance operations to nab this guy. > > Keeping him in a secure location probably wouldn’t be enough. Sure it would. We put him in Leavenworth. It’s a military prison inside an Army base in the middle of Kansas. Are the Russians or the Chinese going to invade just to break him out? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/46 "2010-03-08T20:08:16Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > What if fucking small children gave him his magical power to heal others? The children live through it, so it’s not like exchanging a life for a life. (Remember Mr Burns needed the blood of a young boy?) > > What then, huh? Huh? You could cut out the middleman in this moral dilemma. Just ask what would happen if raping a small child cured cancer. Surprisingly (and disturbingly) this is not a completely hypothetical question. There was a real belief a hundred years ago that having sex with a virgin could cure syphilis so sick men (in both senses of the word) paid to have sex with young girls. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/47 "2010-03-08T20:09:57Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > You could cut out the middleman in this moral dilemma. Just ask what would happen if raping a small child cured cancer. Surprisingly (and disturbingly) this is not a completely hypothetical question. There was a real belief a hundred years ago that having sex with a virgin could cure syphilis so sick men (in both senses of the word) paid to have sex with young girls. In some parts of Africa there is a belief that raping virgins will cure AIDS. Even you anti-death-penalty types are okay with me decapitating guys who do that, right? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/48 "2010-03-08T20:10:24Z")
I thought that was just a cover story. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/49 "2010-03-08T20:12:21Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Sure it would. We put him in Leavenworth. It’s a military prison inside an Army base in the middle of Kansas. Are the Russians or the Chinese going to invade just to break him out? I doubt they’d do a full Red Dawn style invasion, but I’m sure there would be lots and lots of covert ops. And a prison may be the worst place to hold him–there would be lots of people around (ie, other prisoners) who could probably be incentivised to help spring the guy. I don’t think those in charge at Leavenworth would want this monkey on their back. Come to think of it, whoever is responsible for this guy could probably trade the guy for a nice chunk of Chinese real estate and all the toys and doo-dads one could ever want. It would really be hard to trust anyone with him. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/50 "2010-03-08T20:15:53Z")
Nice, Dio–fighting the hypothetical and off-topic political sniping. You’re just a joy to be around. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/51 "2010-03-08T20:18:07Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > I doubt they’d do a full Red Dawn style invasion, but I’m sure there would be lots and lots of covert ops. And a prison may be the worst place to hold him–there would be lots of people around (ie, other prisoners) who could probably be incentivised to help spring the guy. I don’t think those in charge at Leavenworth would want this monkey on their back. > > Come to think of it, whoever is responsible for this guy could probably trade the guy for a nice chunk of Chinese real estate and all the toys and doo-dads one could ever want. It would really be hard to trust anyone with him. I don’t really buy this. I think most people, including me, would brush this aside as some kind of quasi-religious hysteria. I mean, who knows, it may already have happened (without the serial killer twist) – there are tons of anecdotal stories of people with the power to heal by touch. Maybe one actually could, but was dismissed, like wheat being tossed with the chaff. Honestly, if a story like this appeared on CNN, with a dozen healed people testifying and a doctor in a white coat saying, “It’s real and we can’t explain it”, I would shake my head and wonder how Glen Beck got in charge of CNN news. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/52 "2010-03-08T20:21:25Z")
> [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](#): > > Mystical nature of this guys power aside, what’s the difference between him and medical science? Things are routinely cured (or mitigated thus extending lifespan) today which were a death sentence in the very near past. Are you anti medicine in general? Indeed, the only difference is that we didn’t _build_ him—which actually makes him closer to Penicillin, or Cowpox vaccinations. How many people would properly died without those? For that matter, we have no reason to assume that the killer’s power’s aren’t entirely natural and scientifically understandable, but were simply unknown until now. With [sufficient study](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SufficientlyAnalyzedMagic), we might be able to replicate them in other people, or even with machinery. So what, do we throw away a new avenue of science because there _might_ be negative consequences? Because the weak aren’t being culled fast enough? Hell, if we’re content to _let_ people die because we’re afraid of what they might do, or what resources they could take up, why stop there? Just the pretense of keeping our hands clean—“_I_ didn’t kill him, your honor, the sudden stop at the end of the fall killed him”? ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/53 "2010-03-08T20:24:29Z")
I thought someone had been watching ST: Voyager, namely the episode where this … thing … invades B’Ellanna Torrez and the only one that can help her is a holographic recreation of what can best be described as the Cardassian version of Dr. Josef Mengele. Skilled surgeon, but B’Ellana, being of the heritage that’s on the wrong side of his “experimentations” wants nothing to do with him. I beleive that what they did was use his knowledge to cure her then delete his program from the medical library. Fiction, but I made the Mengele comment to make a point - the closest thing we have to a real-life application of the OP’s posit is Mengele himself, he may have done unspeakable crimes against humanity (I’d consider him possibly the vilest of the Nazis, and they aren’t a fun group to begin with) but his “research” did teach us some science with our ethics (which he had none of, apparently) would forbid us to do. I am not familiar, though, is anything that was learned from Mengele’s “experiments” used nowadays, or are we throwing the baby out with the bathwater? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/54 "2010-03-08T21:48:49Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I don’t really buy this. I think most people, including me, would brush this aside as some kind of quasi-religious hysteria. I mean, who knows, it may already have happened (without the serial killer twist) – there are tons of anecdotal stories of people with the power to heal by touch. Maybe one actually could, but was dismissed, like wheat being tossed with the chaff. > > Honestly, if a story like this appeared on CNN, with a dozen healed people testifying and a doctor in a white coat saying, “It’s real and we can’t explain it”, I would shake my head and wonder how Glen Beck got in charge of CNN news. People will flock to the side of a busy highway to look under a bridfe at a water stain that looks kindasorta like the virgin Mary. People still go to Portugal to see where some kids made up a story about seeing the virgin Mary (who only appeared to the kids, naturally). Nope. Word would get out, and this guy would have people clamoring to see him or nab him, and some of these people will be well-financed and well-incentivized. ---
**Author:** ![CaveMike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cavemike/32/16379_2.png) [@CaveMike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaveMike)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/55 "2010-03-09T00:04:53Z")
What if he is both The Green Mile and Pet Sematary? His patients are cured, but come out evil? It seems like this cure would have to go through the same process of approval as drugs do under the FDA. I guess you have some history from his prior results (or at least the sub-set of results you could confidently verify). I’m not sure that dissecting him would be useful. What if his powers are not obviously observable? Or require two or more parts of his body working in concert? He wouldn’t need to be dissected for DNA study. My vote is to stick him in supermax for life (easy since I don’t like the death penalty) and offer him the option to be studied. No incentive is offered other than he gets out of his cell more than the usual 1 hour a day solitary. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/56 "2010-03-09T00:31:12Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Nice, Dio–fighting the hypothetical and off-topic political sniping. You’re just a joy to be around. **Dio** doesn’t consciously suspend disbelief. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/57 "2010-03-09T00:34:23Z")
> [@](#): > > I doubt they’d do a full Red Dawn style invasion, but I’m sure there would be lots and lots of covert ops. And a prison may be the worst place to hold him–there would be lots of people around (ie, other prisoners) who could probably be incentivised to help spring the guy. I don’t think those in charge at Leavenworth would want this monkey on their back. The other prisoners? What are they going to do about it? If they knew how to get out of prison, they wouldn’t be there to talk to him. Prisons are designed to keep people inside. And they generally work. Especially when a prisoner is high-profile. Criminals like druglords, mafia bosses, and terrorist leaders have been successfully imprisoned for decades. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/58 "2010-03-09T02:48:09Z")
Here’s what actually happens. You don’t specify that he actually controls the power but it seems to be implied so I’ll go with that. Otherwise he could just shake hands with someone and a malignant melanoma will fall off their ass with no one the wiser. He’s taken to a research facility that doesn’t exist and treated to drug and psychological conditioning until he’s so Stockholmed that he has no free will. He will then be used on suitable members of the reigning regime and rich benefactors that contribute to the cause. J. Q. Public never has a clue. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/59 "2010-03-09T03:03:01Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I don’t get this analogy at all. Who did Cheney ever heal? Who COULD he even heal that he didn’t? He shot his buddy in the face, fer chrissakes. > > Cheney is a serial killer, with no redemptive powers, who never got locked away, My analogy wasn’t an exact parallel claiming Cheney could cure cancer, but just that we tried to harness his powers for our own uses despite knowing we were making a devil’s bargain. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657/60 "2010-03-09T13:19:33Z")
We’re really wandering off topic, but I also don’t see any Cheney analogy here. We didn’t derive any benefits from anything Cheney did. It was more like paying a guy to work on your lawn and then having him seduce your wife. You’d be angry at anyone who ruined your marriage but you’d be extra annoyed that he was working for you when he did it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-this-guy-has-the-power-to-cure-cancer-but-theres-this-tiny-little-problem/531657.md?page=4)