# So we've got this Adolf Hitler clone. What shall we do with it? (Him?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359 "2014-04-17T18:36:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/1 "2014-04-17T18:36:08Z")
Yes, it’s an absurd hypothetical. If you don’t wanna play, then don’t. Recently the personal representative of a billionaire white supremacist approached Rhymer Enterprises about our building a kill-all-jews-blacks-and-arabs-in-Manhattan-ray. Now, RhE is evil, but we’re not, you know, _evil_, so I gave the guy a listen to, told him what he wanted certainly sounded feasible, explained our fee schedule, and as soon as the wire transfer cleared shot him in the kneecaps. That was as far as I was willing to take the matter; nobody was paying us to take down this racist pig, and RhE is not in the hero business. But I wasn’t done being treacherous, so I called up a group of [do-gooder technomages](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=677145) and suggested they might want to go save some lives. That was a mistake. Oh, the heroes did their bit–raiding the billionaire’s island lair, destroying his kill-sats, freeing a couple thousand slaves, the usual stuff–but there was a complication. Two, actually. One, a good number of the billionaires’ worshipful, racist goons escaped; and two, the do-gooder technomages discovered that the billionaire _had a clone of Adolf Hitler_ on hand. An actual freaking Hitler clone, chronologically two weeks old but force-grown to be physiologically in his mid-fifties. Moreover, the HC has been technomagically impressed with all of the originals memories, personality, and abilities, and made to think that it IS Hitler kept in suspended animation since the war and only recently revived, eager to resume the original Adolf’s ambitions. Now had RhE undertaken this op , we’d have immediately fed the HitlerClone into the nearest wood chopper. But the do-gooders have doubts. One of them points out that the HC, despite its odious origin and nature, is still technically innocent of Hitler’s sins. Another goes further than that, spouting the ridiculous opinion that the clone is a he, not an it–and that “he” is as much a victim of the racist billionaire as the slaves they rescued. That particular do-gooder wants to try to readjust the clone so it doesn’t believe itself to be the original and won’t try to raise an army or start another holocaust, but says its wrong to murder or even indefinitely imprison it unless it actually starts some shit. Fooey on that, I say. The technomagic memory implantation used on the HC, I happen to know, is state of the art; there’s no known way at present to undo it (unless you count bashing its head in with a sledgehammer) and no guarantee that a reversal process can be developed. If the HC weren’t at the do-gooder’s headquarters I’d sent out a team to mulch it–but it IS at their headquarters, and RhE has a strict policy of not starting fair fights. Anywho–let’s say you’re an member of the the do-gooders’ guild. Do you argue for the elimination of the HitlerClone? Confining until it can be reprogrammed? Releasing it into the wild? No matter what, why do you argue as you do? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/2 "2014-04-17T18:43:44Z")
Nuke him from orbit. No hesitation, no remorse. Not worth the slightest chance of him ever escaping or serving as a rallying point for the baddies. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/3 "2014-04-17T18:44:58Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Nuke him from orbit. > > No hesitation, no remorse. Not worth the slightest chance of him ever escaping or serving as a rallying point for the baddies. Why from orbit? Nukes cost money and there’s no reason to think a shotgun won’t do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/4 "2014-04-17T18:46:37Z")
Another excuse for sadism ? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/5 "2014-04-17T18:50:17Z")
A Hitler-clone in 2014 would be about as likely to restart the Nazi empire as a Ghenghis Khan clone in 2014 would be to restart the Mongol Empire. In short, their most likely fates would be to end up in the looney bin, or as some homeless dude picking through the garbage for a meal - as indeed, Hitler very nearly became in real life, as a failed artist in Vienna. Taken out of their time and society, neither would pose much threat to anyone. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/6 "2014-04-17T18:50:29Z")
I checked the boxes for imprisoning and too complicated. Imprisoning is basically what I’d do, but I’d call it more like being involuntarily committed to a mental institution. My approach would be “We’re very sorry you’ve been cloned and imprinted with memories against your will. We’d like to help you discover your self apart from your cloned identity and give you the skills needed to adjust to technology and culture 70 years after the last thing you remember.” So it’s not just a prison. It’s not even some kind of forced reconditioning. We’re not treating him like a criminal until he’s acted like one. However, we’re also not just sticking him out on the street until he can demonstrate to some professionals that he can handle himself in modern life, and that definition of “handle himself” means computers and ATMs as much as it means refraining from inflammatory speeches and genocide. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/7 "2014-04-17T18:55:42Z")
Not sure it’s right to imprison him. Actually I am sure it’s not right to imprison him, he hasn’t done anything wrong. Let not the clones suffer for the sins of their cell donors. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/8 "2014-04-17T19:03:54Z")
Community service. Jewish community. But he gets to keep his swastika sewn to his cloths so kids will recognize who he is. Also he must be circumcised by a blind Rabbi with advanced Parkinson disease. And forced to only listen to Madonna performing Jewish songs. And instead of starving him he must be force fed by a good Jewish mother until he is over 400 lbs. And then the punishment phase will start . . . ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/9 "2014-04-17T19:08:23Z")
Let it/him learn how the 3rd Reich ended. Then make it/him watch every single one of those _Downfall_ parodies. “That, Mr. Hitler, is how the world today sees you.” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/10 "2014-04-17T19:09:02Z")
Hand him a paint brush. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/11 "2014-04-17T19:11:05Z")
The clone is innocent. Just keep an eye on him and when he starts to do evil (one goosestep in the wrong direction), lock him away. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/12 "2014-04-17T19:12:31Z")
**dracoi** put it pretty well. There are still enough neo-Nazis, anti-Semites and hateful, messed-up people in the world that I wouldn’t want to just let Hitler 2.0 wander out the door. He also would become an instant target for the Jewish Defense League and Mossad, so releasing him wouldn’t be doing him any favors. So I give him a chance to learn about the world of 2014, to grow and to jettison all the hateful Nazi ideology crammed into his head. If he doesn’t, and seems determined to go out there and put his organizational skills and charisma to work for a New Final Solution, then… well, I guess, with some reluctance, I’d kill him. BTW, if you’re not already watching the hilarious spy spoof _Archer_ on FX, you should be. They have a Hitler clone already on staff, and in a recent episode he met even more of his kind. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/13 "2014-04-17T19:15:16Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > A Hitler-clone in 2014 would be about as likely to restart the Nazi empire as a Ghenghis Khan clone in 2014 would be to restart the Mongol Empire. I dunno. Some of the billionaire’s worshipful minions escaped, after all, and I think it’s likely that they’d be willing not only to support the HC’s dark ambitions but to try to free it. Presumably they have resources, and obviously the do-gooders aren’t infallible. Plus they’re NICE. I bet they didn’t off the evil billionaire either, and while RhymerEnterprises will obviously be working to steal as much of his fortune as possible, I can’t guarantee that our accountants are better than his. > [@TriPolar](#): > > Not sure it’s right to imprison him. Actually I am sure it’s not right to imprison him, he hasn’t done anything wrong. Let not the clones suffer for the sins of their cell donors. 1. The HC won’t object on that ground. It believes it IS Adolf. 2. Are you sure it isn’t Adolf? It’s genetically identical to the Austrian scumbag; it has all his memories. What is a man if not his memories and body? > [@Loach](#): > > Hand him a paint brush. 😕 Oh, the artist thing. I was thinking a house-painter’s brush. > [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > Community service. Jewish community. But he gets to keep his swastika sewn to his cloths so kids will recognize who he is. Also he must be circumcised by a blind Rabbi with advanced Parkinson disease. And forced to only listen to Madonna performing Jewish songs. And instead of starving him he must be force fed by a good Jewish mother until he is over 400 lbs. And then the punishment phase will start . . . :: puts Evil!Skald helmet back on :: I’m going to need you to retract implied Madonna slander. I love Madonna and always have, and listening to her sing is NOT a punishment. I have dispatched the Kristin Chenoweth-model slapbot to explain your error to you. :: removes ESH, resumes baking cookies :: ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/14 "2014-04-17T19:18:03Z")
First of all, why don’t I ever get the Kristen Chenowith slap-bot? Secondly, I think a more interesting question is what we’d do with a clone of Skald. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/15 "2014-04-17T19:23:34Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > If he doesn’t, and seems determined to go out there and put his organizational skills and charisma to work for a New Final Solution, then… well, I guess, with some reluctance, I’d kill him. Your way leaves open the possibility of him starting a little war in, oh, North Carolina or Kansas or someplace. My way leaves the RhE sharks well fed. Why do you hate sharks? > [@](#): > > BTW, if you’re not already watching the hilarious spy spoof _Archer_ on FX, you should be. They have a Hitler clone already on staff, and in a recent episode he met even more of his kind. I agree that Archer’s hilarious; I almost injured myself laughing at it. But spoilers, man! (I’ve only season the current season, so I don’t know how big a secret the hitler clone thing is.) > [@TriPolar](#): > > First of all, why don’t I ever get the Kristen Chenowith slap-bot? I must inform you that the KC slapbots all think they are KC and thus do not work in the nude. Rarely even bikinis, but that’s not unheard of. [http://2-ps.googleusercontent.com/x/www.thehollywoodgossip.com/images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/t\_large\_p/xkristin-chenoweth-photo.jpg.pagespeed.ic.1oAnQrCMOJ.jpg](http://2-ps.googleusercontent.com/x/www.thehollywoodgossip.com/images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/t_large_p/xkristin-chenoweth-photo.jpg.pagespeed.ic.1oAnQrCMOJ.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/16 "2014-04-17T19:24:25Z")
So you’ve got a guy who looks exactly like Adolf Hitler, sounds exactly like Adolf Hitler, and acts exactly like Adolf Hitler. Somehow, I don’t think anyone of consequence is going to take him seriously in 2014…especially if he goes around insisting that he \*is \*Adolf Hitler. I say give him a scholarship to an art school, and let him be the NSA’s problem. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Some of the billionaire’s worshipful minions escaped, after all, and I think it’s likely that they’d be willing not only to support the HC’s dark ambitions but to try to free it. and if the minions pose a problem, we can always light up the Skald Signal. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/17 "2014-04-17T19:42:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m going to need you to retract implied Madonna slander. I love Madonna and always have, and listening to her sing is NOT a punishment. > > I have dispatched the Kristin Chenoweth-model slapbot to explain your error to you. > > :: removes ESH, resumes baking cookies :: I love Madonna too, I just don’t think that HC will digg on Issac that much. 🙂 Still I loves me some Kristen Chenowith slapbot! When should I expect her to come over? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/18 "2014-04-17T19:45:20Z")
While the other do-gooders are arguing, I shoot the clone in the head. Twice. With hollow points. That’s the biz, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/19 "2014-04-17T19:59:45Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > So you’ve got a guy who looks exactly like Adolf Hitler, sounds exactly like Adolf Hitler, and acts exactly like Adolf Hitler. Somehow, I don’t think anyone of consequence is going to take him seriously in 2014…especially if he goes around insisting that he \*is \*Adolf Hitler. > > I say give him a scholarship to an art school, and let him be the NSA’s problem. > and if the minions pose a problem, we can always light up the Skald Signal. I am not Batman. Cash up front. > [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I love Madonna too, I just don’t think that HC will digg on Issac that much. 🙂 Still I loves me some Kristen Chenowith slapbot! When should I expect her to come over? Due to an error in programming, the Chenoweth-model slapbots all believe themselves to be the genuine Kristen (though they are also all super-strong and filled with rage, as is necessary for slapbots) and thus they sometimes stop on the way to a job to do some cabaret singing. This is tolerated, as they all look and sound like Kristen Chenoweth. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359/20 "2014-04-17T20:24:16Z")
Now, just to make things more complicated, the do-gooders come across a top secret memo in the billionaire’s headquarters. It’s a report from one of his scientists saying their cloning experiments continue to fail. They can produce a physical replica of Hitler but they can’t duplicate his mind. But they’ve come up with a new idea. One of their other projects has been to develop a time machine and they’ve had some limited success. They’ve almost figured out how to exchange two copies of a near-identical object across time. So with a little more development, they figure they can use their time machine to send a mindless Hitler clone back to 1945, have the real Hitler fake his suicide using the clone, and then bring the real genuine Hitler back to the present day. Searching through the records reveals no further information about this. So now the do-gooders aren’t sure. Did the scientists solve the cloning problems and create a clone that thinks it’s Hitler? Or did they solve the time travel problems and rescue the real Hitler, who’s now just pretending to be a clone of himself in an effort to avoid punishment for his crimes? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-weve-got-this-adolf-hitler-clone-what-shall-we-do-with-it-him/686359.md?page=2)