# So what are the first thirty-three rules? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 6, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551 "2009-08-06T17:43:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/1 "2009-08-06T17:43:50Z")
There’s Rule 34, of course. According to TV Tropes, there’s Rule 36 (“There’s a fetish for everything”). What other rules our there? Where did they come from? What’s Rule 1 (aside from [“Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!”)](http://www.lspace.org/books/pqf/thief-of-time.html)? How high to they go up to? What does it say about me that I spend time thinking about this? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/2 "2009-08-06T17:48:10Z")
I would say that Rule Number Two is “More than two shakes and you’re playing with it.” ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/3 "2009-08-06T17:50:36Z")
[Rules of the Internet](http://www.rulesoftheinternet.com/index.php5?title=Main_Page). Beware, memes lurk behind every rule. It helps if you’re familiar with 4chan. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/4 "2009-08-06T18:55:44Z")
[Counting down to the first \*Fight Club \*reference…] ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_Astronaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bad\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/5 "2009-08-07T04:48:20Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > [Rules of the Internet](http://www.rulesoftheinternet.com/index.php5?title=Main_Page). Beware, memes lurk behind every rule. It helps if you’re familiar with 4chan. This is the complete and exact answer to the OP. You may be disappointed. > [@Quercus](#): > > [Counting down to the first \*Fight Club \*reference…] Technically there was a reference before you even posted since the first two rules of the internet (in Bosstone’s link) are: > [@](#): > > 1. do not talk about /b/ > > 2. do NOT talk about /b/ ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/6 "2009-08-07T04:57:15Z")
It should be mentioned that there lists everywhere, and none of them are really consistent. The only constant ones are rules 34 and 35 (which is basically a corollary to 34) and USUALLY 1 and 2. Look at the differences just between Bosstone’s link and [this](http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/50/Rules_of_the_internet1.gif) list from Encyclopaedia Dramatica (it’s a stand alone gif so it’s SFW, don’t worry), it starts off similar, but the later numbers get more and more different. ---
**Author:** ![Scruff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Scruff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruff)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/7 "2009-08-07T05:43:33Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > **It helps if you’re familiar with 4chan.** There’s a phrase you don’t see that often. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_Astronaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bad\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/8 "2009-08-07T06:02:00Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > It should be mentioned that there lists everywhere, and none of them are really consistent. The only constant ones are rules 34 and 35 (which is basically a corollary to 34) and USUALLY 1 and 2. Look at the differences just between Bosstone’s link and [this](http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/50/Rules_of_the_internet1.gif) list from Encyclopaedia Dramatica (it’s a stand alone gif so it’s SFW, don’t worry), it starts off similar, but the later numbers get more and more different. Yes - the main point is it’s just a bunch of inside jokes and random junk that won’t make sense to the vast majority of internet users. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/9 "2009-08-07T06:03:29Z")
> [@Scruff](#): > > There’s a phrase you don’t see that often. SHUT UP NEWFAG!! [sub]This post has been brought to you by the 4Chan Diamond Account outreach committee, _THE HARDEST COMMITTEE KNOWN TO MAN_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/10 "2009-08-07T06:06:45Z")
Rule 6: There is NO rule Six! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/11 "2009-08-07T06:23:39Z")
1. Tugging on the capes of Kryptonians is contra-indicated. 2. Spitting into the wind is foolish, and messy. 3. Leave Clayton Moore alone, you bastards. 4. Slim says “Do you feel lucky, Punk?” ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/12 "2009-08-07T06:25:43Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > 1. Tugging on the capes of Kryptonians is contra-indicated. > 2. Spitting into the wind is foolish, and messy. > 3. Leave Clayton Moore alone, you bastards. > 4. Slim says “Do you feel lucky, Punk?” 1. Never pet a burning dog. Inspired by number 2, that and mine were both in the “tips” menu for Warcraft 2. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/13 "2009-08-07T06:45:04Z")
1. Hi Opal 2. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court. 3. No one shall speak to the Man at the Helm (and the Man at the Helm shall speak to no one). ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/14 "2009-08-07T18:18:09Z")
> [@Bad\_Astronaut](#): > > Yes - the main point is it’s just a bunch of inside jokes and random junk that won’t make sense to the vast majority of internet users. I dunno. These: > [@Rules of the Internet](#): > > 1. There are no real rules about posting. > 2. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your ban. may seem pretty familiar to some folks around here … Also, posts 6 & 17 in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=527168) are people noticing that: > [@Rules of the Internet](#): > > 1. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post. > 2. Any topic can be turned into something totally unrelated. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/15 "2009-08-11T14:39:47Z")
_Rule d_ Tech questions are never off-topic unless expressly banned. (_Corollary d’_: Even then, they’re likely to get a response or two.) _Rule d+1_ The longer any discussion continues, the less it is about the topic and the more it is about the discussants. _Rule d+2_ Respect the OP, but above that, respect the hivemind. The quicker a thread goes off-topic, the less likely your on-topic post will be responded to, or regarded as anything more than noise. _Rule d+3_ People with truly interesting points of view cannot express them clearly. (_Corollary (d+3)’_: If they can, they’re batshit crazy.) _Rule d+4_ Question the hivemind too trenchantly and you will be swarmed. Trolls are a nuisance, but questioners are a threat. (_Corollary (d+4)’_: Any meeting of minds, common ground, etc., can be reached only \*after \*a swarming.) _Rule d+5_ The longer any discussion continues, the more it evolves/devolves into a shoving match of a. legalistic reasoning or b. supposedly-empirical evidence. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/16 "2009-08-11T14:53:03Z")
**Doug,** those sound more like laws than rules. But, they ring ever so true. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/17 "2009-08-11T17:13:56Z")
Rule kvin: never dance in hiking boots. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/18 "2009-08-11T17:20:12Z")
The first Ferengi Rule of Acquisition is: “Once you have their money, you never, ever, give it back.” ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/19 "2009-08-11T17:25:26Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > The first Ferengi Rule of Acquisition is: “Once you have their money, you never, ever, give it back.” Yes, indeed. The Rules of Acquisition are listed [here](http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Rules_of_Acquisition). ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551/20 "2009-08-11T17:42:07Z")
Listen to Ivanova. Do not ignore Ivanova’s recommendations. Otherwise, Ivanova will tear your lungs out! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-the-first-thirty-three-rules/505551.md?page=2)