# So, what are your thoughts on virginity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799 "2006-08-30T16:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/61 "2006-09-01T18:36:58Z")
I’m a nearly 40 year old male virgin - hell, I’ve yet to manage so much as a kiss - and I can’t say it really bothers me now. Sure, I’m disappointed that it hasn’t happenned, but life’s sometimes like that. Even when some young ladies had a house almost opposite me, I never felt tempted. Still, it means I can do my very best for my nephew. ---
**Author:** ![x\_lenia\_x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/5daacb/32.png) [@x\_lenia\_x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x_lenia_x)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/62 "2006-09-01T20:58:48Z")
[QUOTE=FormerMarineGuy] Well, lol to you, too. How old are you now? Because I am curious to see what a young person’s perspective on virginity is nowadays. When I lost mine, I was a stud, and the girl was a ‘whore’. (Not my perspective before everyone jumps down my throat!). [/QUOTE] i’ve just turned 16 🙂 and it’s still that way really, the guy being a stud and the girl a whore. i can’t stand feminists but sometimes they have a point… that’s just unfair! lol ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/63 "2006-09-02T01:34:07Z")
I lost my virginity when I was a senior in high school and it was with a guy I dated for over a year at the time. My husband is the 3rd person I have ever had sex with. Mr. Geek on the other hand was a “virgin”, but not because he didn’t want to have sex, he just hadn’t found anybody worth a damn… until me 😃 As far as the whole “saving yourself for marriage” thing… whatever works for you, your choice, but for me it would be like buying a car without a test drive. I would want to know that there was compatability. ---
**Author:** ![Victorian\_Squid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5a626/32.png) [@Victorian\_Squid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Victorian_Squid)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2006, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/64 "2006-09-02T02:37:26Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] Is it really that bad to think people over the age of 20 holding on to their virginity is silly? I think it is possible to be respectful of their wishes without thinking it is a really neat idea. If it makes me a bad person by merely wishing it weren’t so, and having a modicum of sexual interest, then so be it. I am the scum of the earth. Never had a one night stand, never dated a girl just to sleep with her, and never broke up with a girl cause she didn’t put out, but thinking her choice is silly and wishing I could have sex like a normal person with the girl I love tips the scale and makes me a monster. [/QUOTE] No, I completely agree. But, then, I think religion makes people do a lot of stupid things. I guess I just don’t get what the big deal about marriage is. What’s more important to you, experiencing your humanity to its fullest, or some dippy ceremony? ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/65 "2006-09-05T13:11:48Z")
[QUOTE=Victorian Squid] … But, then, I think religion makes people do a lot of stupid things. … [/QUOTE] Yeah, like not stealing, or lying or murdering. Stupid religion. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/66 "2006-09-05T13:57:11Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I’ve always hated the term “lose your virginity”. I didn’t lose it, I know exactly where I left it. Well the other day I was rock climbing, I dropped a piece of gear (a belay device and a carbineer if it matters) in a deep crack in a rock, I could see it, about 15 feet down, but no way to get it. I have lost it, though I knew exactly where I left it. > [@gfloyd](#): > > I just don’t understand it. There are only a few people that I know that are waiting for marriage. If you come from the prospective of marriage is till death I think it’s pretty obvious, sex runs all sorts of long term risks, both emotionally and physically. Not only STD’s but the risk of pregnancy, razing a child, giving your child away forever to another couple to raise if adopted out, or potentially you having live with your choice to have your unborn child killed during an abortion. Some may want to have a lifelong partner before taking such a risk.. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/67 "2006-09-05T14:14:16Z")
I meant that the phrase “losing your virginity” implies that there was some carelessness involved. There wasn’t. And for future reference, I can’t recommend razing your children. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/68 "2006-09-05T14:26:13Z")
Meh. That first part was supposed to read: The phrase “losing your virginity” implies that there was some carelessness involved, _and that I’m worse off without it_. There wasn’t, _and I’m not_. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/69 "2006-09-05T14:50:35Z")
It makes sense to me that there’s nothing _objectively_ undesirable - or desirable - about sexual inexperience. But I’ve become _subjectively_ convinced, through social and cultural conditioning, that unless you’re one of the tiny minority-within-a-minority who are completely _a_sexual, it is going to affect how you see yourself as a person, and consequently, how others see you. I’m particularly convinced that that oft-cited “smell” of undefinable desperation or lack of confidence is going to cling to a sexually inexperienced male over a certain age. Whether or not he _feels_ particularly desperate or unconfident, others are likely to _perceive_ him so, and react accordingly. The “smell” can probably be scrubbed away, but a one-night stand with someone equally desperate isn’t going to work magic. It probably takes months or years of hard emotional work that is likely to make you feel worse, not better, until you get the hang of it. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/70 "2006-09-05T15:58:16Z")
Thanks to everyone for contributing to this thread. 🙂 I have learned a lot from all of you. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/71 "2006-09-05T19:29:45Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] I meant that the phrase “losing your virginity” implies that there was some carelessness involved. There wasn’t. [/QUOTE] Ok, in that context it makes sense, you intentionally threw away your belay device and a carbineer into the crevice, instead of accidentally hitting your hand on a rock and dropping them in the crevice. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/72 "2006-09-05T19:40:54Z")
A hymen is not something your life depends on. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/73 "2006-09-06T13:04:19Z")
IMO, virginity has no value. Deciding you want to stay a virgin until you meet That Special Someone is like deciding you’re going to be a vegetarian until you find a steakhouse you really, really like - and you’re going to choose a steakhouse before you ever taste their cooking (or in the more extreme cases, before you even look at the menu). That’s the only steakhouse you’ll ever eat at, so your whole idea of what steak is all about will be based only on that particular restaurant. I wouldn’t even consider marrying someone I hadn’t already had sex with, lived with, etc. I think getting married should be about affirming that you’ve found exactly what you want, not about taking a permanent plunge into the unknown. [QUOTE=BMalion] Yeah, like not stealing, or lying or murdering. Stupid religion. [/QUOTE] Heh. Atheists are less likely than believers to be criminals, and also less likely to divorce… just so you know. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/74 "2006-09-06T18:17:33Z")
[QUOTE=Mr2001] IMO, virginity has no value. Deciding you want to stay a virgin until you meet That Special Someone is like deciding you’re going to be a vegetarian until you find a steakhouse you really, really like - and you’re going to choose a steakhouse before you ever taste their cooking (or in the more extreme cases, before you even look at the menu). That’s the only steakhouse you’ll ever eat at, so your whole idea of what steak is all about will be based only on that particular restaurant. [/QUOTE] You’re not seriously likening sex to meat, are you? :dubious: I would like to think it has a little more significance than that. I’ve stayed a virgin not because I value my virginity, but because I value the act of sex. I would to share it with someone I care about and who cares about me - at least, that’s how I feel about it now. When I actually do the deed I suppose I might change my mind. Be that as it may, I don’t feel like my virginity is doing me any favors - like Eddie Izzard said, it feels like two huge suitcases that I have to drag around with me all the time. I would like to get rid of them, but I don’t want to throw them in the dumpster. Does this make sense? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/75 "2006-09-06T23:12:48Z")
I think it’s overrated. Lovemaking with someone you really care about is special whether it’s your first time or your one thousandth. And getting hung up over “saving your virginity” is needlessly giving yourself mental grief – but if someone _wants_ to agonize over it, that’s their business. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/76 "2006-09-06T23:37:46Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] You’re not seriously likening sex to meat, are you? :dubious: I would like to think it has a little more significance than that. [/quote] Yeah, I thought that way when I was a virgin too. (I also thought driving a car was a lot more significant before I got my license.) But really, sex isn’t magic, it’s just a thing you can do with someone else. It can be special or it can be ordinary. If it isn’t special the first time, that doesn’t mean it can’t be special the next time. And unlike eating steak, sex is something that benefits from experience - if you know what you’re doing, you and your partner will both have a much better time. > [@](#): > > I’ve stayed a virgin not because I value my virginity, but because I value the act of sex. I would to share it with someone I care about and who cares about me - at least, that’s how I feel about it now. Well, that’s understandable. No reason to have sex with someone you don’t like.. but there’s a difference between waiting for someone who cares about you, and waiting for The One. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/77 "2006-09-06T23:43:54Z")
[QUOTE=Mr2001] Yeah, I thought that way when I was a virgin too. (I also thought driving a car was a lot more significant before I got my license.) But really, sex isn’t magic, it’s just a thing you can do with someone else. It can be special or it can be ordinary. If it isn’t special the first time, that doesn’t mean it can’t be special the next time. And unlike eating steak, sex is something that benefits from experience - if you know what you’re doing, you and your partner will both have a much better time. [/QUOTE] I heartily agree. I’m very glad that both my SO and I had experience before we got together. Made our first time even better. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2006, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/78 "2006-09-07T00:23:40Z")
[QUOTE=x\_lenia\_x] i’ve just turned 16 🙂 and it’s still that way really, the guy being a stud and the girl a whore. i can’t stand feminists but sometimes they have a point… that’s just unfair! lol [/QUOTE] Careful there. If you think there’s a double standard for men and women, you may very well be a feminist yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2006, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/79 "2006-09-07T02:58:24Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] A hymen is not something your life depends on. [/QUOTE] I like this! Some places in the world, a woman’s life _does_ depend on her hymen. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799/80 "2006-09-07T03:09:38Z")
[QUOTE=Mr2001] No reason to have sex with someone you don’t like.. but there’s a difference between waiting for someone who cares about you, and waiting for The One. [/QUOTE] I am waiting for many Ones, hopefully. 😉 Honestly, it’s not like I don’t want to get laid. I just don’t want to get rid of my virginity for the sake of getting rid of virginity. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-are-your-thoughts-on-virginity/370799.md?page=5)