“Pickin’ up the field mice,
Squash 'em in his hand”
is what I learned, in GA, age 53
Bunnies don’t have hands!
Boppin’ Female, 24, northern Idaho
Oh how I loathe that song. E-vile kindergarten teachers made us sing that precious little ditty ALL THE TIME. When we were feeling snarky we would sing Tom the Toad instead.
*Oh Tom the Toad, oh Tom the Toad,
Why did you step out in the road?
You did not see the coming car,
And now you are a piece of tar.
Oh Tom the Toad, oh Tom the Toad,
Why did you step out in the road?
You used to be so green and fat,
and now you are all dead and flat.*
– To the tune of Oh Christmas Tree –
Boppin’, female, 32.
I didn’t learn this as a wee little kid. At a regional honor society meeting, a speaker was met by a sea of blank stares when he mentioned this song, so he set about teaching 500 teenagers a song most people seem to learn in preschool.
OK, OK, due to popular demand…
I learned:
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell down and broke his head.
Went to the doctor and the doctor said,
“That’s what you get for jumping on the bed”.
My adorable little nephew knows the new version and could sing it, sort of, by the time he was 20 months old:
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell down and bumped his head.
Went to the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”
Now, imagine a head getting broken with monkey brains everywhere compared to the relative mildness of “bumped his head”. Since this song is meant to be sung while the kid is indeed jumping on the bed, the thrill is lessened. Also, the stern Victorian logic of the unsympathetic doctor is replaced by a feeble hand-waving suggestion to the precious snowflake monkeys that they please not jump on the bed, if they would be so kind. Even though Joshie shakes his little finger and looks stern at that line, it’s not the same.
</hijack>
Oh yeah, anybody else learn it as “Little RABBIT Foo Foo?” I just remembered that’s how we said it. And we didn’t wonder why there were field mice in the forest that he was bopping through, we were in the Bronx and didn’t see either critter. Plenty of rats, though.
I always heard it as “No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”
I don’t remember if we learned broke or bumped. Still, I guess I always assumed breaking your head was just hyperbole. Brains?!
Bopping here. Female, 34, Maryland.
Nope, you’re not. Female, central Texas, 70s.
This is a goon. 
Boppin’, Female, 36, Michigan
Boppin’, male, 35, upstate NY. And I taught my little sister, now 15, Greasy Grimey Gopher guts when she was 8 so now some kids in Florida might know that one too 
why, did that get gelded, too, or did it just disappear?
Boppin’em, 80’s, NY
We did ‘Momma had a baby’ with the dandelions, too. And GreasyGrimyGopherGuts. How the hell could that be made less gross? And why? It’s supposed to be gross.
I learned the version he did, and I’m in my 30s.
GreasyGrimyGopherGuts?
We don’t have that one, someone expound please.
It’s a gross-out-the-grownups song, sung to the tune (more or less) of “The Old Grey Mare”. When I was a kid, it went:
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
itty bitty birdy feet
great big vats of all purpose porpoise puss
and me without a spoon!
(I’m uncertain of the words in grey)
My daughter has a CD which has the words all wrong. Of course, she’s sleeping at the moment, so I can’t transcribe them, but I’ll try to do it tomorrow.
I learned:
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
Little birdies’ dirty feet
French fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood
and I forgot my spoon
[sometimes followed with] …but I brought my straaaaaaaaw!
Thanks guys!
“all purpose porpoise puss” and “…but I brought my straaaaw!” Good stuff man, good stuff.
This has come up before, and I thought I’d straightened you all out then, but apparently it needs repeating: the line after “mutilated monkey meat” is “DIRTY TURDY BIRDIE FEET.” Get it right, people!
Bopping, Male, 70s, Minnesota/North Dakota.
Okay, straight off my daughter’s “Gross and Silly Songs” CD, it’s:
*Great big glob of greasy grimy gopher guts
jubilated monkey meat
concentrated birdy feet
a great big jar of all purpose porpoise puss
and me without a spoon!
*
So I guess it’s not so far off what we knew, but…jubilated? WTF does that even mean?
Never heard the song. Male, 48 grew up in Virginia, Vermont and New York.