# So what do you figure Tarzan's up to these days? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 7, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288 "2010-06-07T16:32:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/1 "2010-06-07T16:32:38Z")
For purposes of this thread, let us pretend that every freaking word in Philip Jose Farmer’s _Tarzan Alive!_ was the Thor’s-honest truth. This means that not only was Burroughs writing the fictionalized biography of a real person, but that person may well be alive even though he was born in the late 1800s, having taken a potion early last century that granted him eternal youth. Moreover, His main supporting cast–Jane, Korak, Miriam, even Jad-bal-ja–eventually got access to similar miracles. What would you think he’s up to now? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/2 "2010-06-07T16:35:49Z")
Web surfing and posting at SDMB under an assumed name. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/3 "2010-06-07T17:13:43Z")
I’d like to think he’s not doing martial arts with giant grasshoppers, but I know that’s a vain hope. He’s probably not solving mysteries with a rejuvenated Sherlock Holmes, either. More than likely he’s bankrolling political movements he approves of in Africa and helping to keep game preserves going and trying to stay out of the spotlight. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/4 "2010-06-07T17:15:24Z")
First he got Aids then Ebola from being too familiar with his ape friends, then he was severely injured when he got caught in one of many African civil wars but before he could succumb to any of those diseases or injuries he was killed by poachers. Somewhere someone has an umbrella stand made from Tarzan’s left leg. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/5 "2010-06-07T17:18:28Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > First he got Aids then Ebola from being too familiar with his ape friends, then he was severely injured when he got caught in one of many African civil wars but before he could succumb to any of those diseases or injuries he was killed by poachers. Somewhere someone has an umbrella stand made from Tarzan’s left leg. Fool of a Took! He is Tarzan. Immune to all terrestrial diseases. My post is my cite. And the poacher who can take Tarzan hasn’t been born. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/6 "2010-06-07T18:04:20Z")
He works at the place where Cheeta retired. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/7 "2010-06-07T18:06:58Z")
Waiting for She Who Must be Obeyed to be re-incarnated? Whoops, mixing realities, sorry! [sub]I still have PJ’s “Tarzan Alive” in my library…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/8 "2010-06-07T18:20:20Z")
Attending to his duties in the House of Lords. His quieter moments are spent painting bucolic jungle scenes, inspecting his respectably sized dagger collection, and corresponding with gorillas. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/9 "2010-06-07T18:43:34Z")
[quote=“Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan, post:7, topic:542288”] Waiting for She Who Must be Obeyed to be re-incarnated? Whoops, mixing realities, sorry! [quote] Like La of Opar wasn’t just She’s travelling name. It disturbs me that you seem to think he’s thrown over Jane (or the reverse). Next you’ll be saying that Frodo and Sam eventually broke up. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/10 "2010-06-07T18:55:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Fool of a Took! > > He is Tarzan. Immune to all terrestrial diseases. My post is my cite. And the poacher who can take Tarzan hasn’t been born. It’s a whole different Africa from Tarzan’s days. Oh, and thanks, Pippin is my favorite hobbit. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/11 "2010-06-07T19:01:22Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > It’s a whole different Africa from Tarzan’s days. > > Oh, and thanks, Pippin is my favorite hobbit. Fool of a … wait, already did that one. Silly rabbit! Tarzan’s day never ended. He is 25 forever, or until he gets shot in the back of the head by a sniper. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/12 "2010-06-07T20:08:03Z")
\*He’s free as the breeze, He’s always at ease He lives in the jungle and hangs by his knees As he swings through the trees without a trapeze In his B.V.D.'s He’s got a union card and he’s practicing hard\* \*To play the guitar Gonna be a big star, yeah, he’s gonna go far And carry moon beams home in a jar \*He is [Guitarzan](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdbktulCOFw). ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/13 "2010-06-07T20:14:29Z")
He’s probably a Somali warlord. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/14 "2010-06-07T20:18:22Z")
Changed his name slightly, became a mercenary, worked for Cobra. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/15 "2010-06-07T20:20:17Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > He’s probably a Somali warlord. :eek::mad: ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/16 "2010-06-07T21:56:10Z")
[quote=“Skald\_the\_Rhymer, post:9, topic:542288”] [quote=“Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan, post:7, topic:542288”] Waiting for She Who Must be Obeyed to be re-incarnated? Whoops, mixing realities, sorry! > [@](#): > > Like La of Opar wasn’t just She’s travelling name. > > It disturbs me that you seem to think he’s thrown over Jane (or the reverse). Next you’ll be saying that Frodo and Sam eventually broke up. Actually, he probably retreated into Opar as the poachers and farmers moved into the jungle, and having his mansion became too damn colonial. I could see him exercising his lordly influence against global warming - I bet he emails Al Gore all the time. The Phantom seemed to be able to work with post-colonial governments - Greystoke just wasn’t that comfortable with civilization, at least not deep down. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/17 "2010-06-07T22:10:22Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > The Phantom seemed to be able to work with post-colonial governments - Greystoke just wasn’t that comfortable with civilization, at least not deep down. One needn’t go down deep to find Tarzan’s discomfort for civilization. Though I think _contempt_ migh tbe a better word. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/18 "2010-06-07T22:23:55Z")
**Skald** : Why do you think Gabon, of all the improbable places, is the shining-light success story of post-independence sub-Saharan Africa? I need to point out two other things to you as well: 1. His Grace of “Greyminster”'s instructions to Farmer to treat his discoveries as a variant on “the Great Game” of the Baker Street Irregulars, and avoid giving too much away. 2. What Josie Bauer _really_ does for a living. A word to the wise…? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/19 "2010-06-07T22:33:07Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > **Skald** : Why do you think Gabon, of all the improbable places, is the shining-light success story of post-independence sub-Saharan Africa? > > I need to point out two other things to you as well: > > 1. His Grace of “Greyminster”'s instructions to Farmer to treat his discoveries as a variant on “the Great Game” of the Baker Street Irregulars, and avoid giving too much away. > > 2. What Josie Bauer _really_ does for a living. > > A word to the wise…? 😉 Oh, “Lord Greystoke” was clearly not born in Gabon. Burroughs spoke with him before publishing anything, and obviously Lord G. would have required that his reported birthplace be changed. Just as obviously, Burroughs, given an instruction by Tarzan, said, “Yes, sir. anything else?” Who is Josie Bauer? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288/20 "2010-06-07T23:03:14Z")
Josie Bauer is a semi-regular at Callahan’s. She is a temporal causality enforcement officer, and is likely to be one of her own ancestors. Consider what Bauer means in German for the connection. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-do-you-figure-tarzans-up-to-these-days/542288.md?page=2)