# So what does one (well, many) actually DO on a "girls' night"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2009, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665 "2009-02-06T04:16:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/61 "2009-02-07T20:37:46Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] …though I’m pretty sure I’m never actually going to do a girls night at this point (historically, about 80% of my friends have been guys, and hanging around with girls gets me lost because I don’t know what they’re talking about. How can you have a 30 minute discussion about shoes??). I think the thread has since run its course since it turned into whatever the hell it turned into, so there isn’t any point in giving more suggestions. Thanks. [/QUOTE] Oooohkaaayy. So much for women friends and the bonding idea. And Opal flounces off in a huff from yet another of her ask-for-advice threads. So…anybody wanna talk about shoes? I don’t like ones that pinch. Beyond that, I got nuthin’. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/62 "2009-02-07T21:11:20Z")
I like flip-flops. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/63 "2009-02-07T21:17:23Z")
I love shoes. I have lots of shoes. One of my favorites are my hot pink/light pink two toned mary jane wingtips. They are awesome. I got them at junkman’s daughter in ATL. I also have an assortment of chucks, but my staples are the standard black lowtops. At my last girls night we moved the furniture and did the cupid shuffle in the middle of the living room and drank mojitos. Before that we did car bombs. One time we did margaritas, rum and cokes, vodka and whatever we could find, and finally tequila shots. I woke up the next morning and begged someone to put a bullet in my brain to stop the headache. I actually crawled to my apartment on my hands and knees. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/64 "2009-02-07T21:19:49Z")
> [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](#): > > I had a post all composed, but any points I tried to make have since been covered, so screw it. I do have to wonder why you open these threads asking for advice, because you don’t seem to actually want it. You shoot down ideas presented for a variety of excuses, then take offense where none was intended, and the thread goes downhill from there. Why bother? And here we are with the selective comprehension again. I didn’t shoot down ideas, I was taking them in and enjoying them, and playing along with the silly ones, even. Then I got to the one saying that any plans at all were stupid since planned activities meant I thought my friends were children who would be eating furniture if they didn’t have every moment planned. From there I figured that chances are, planned events are probably stupid since my social planning history is very small compared to others. So I decided to abandon the idea. The contingent out there who thinks that I “don’t seem to actually want” advice should just stop reading my threads because you do not understand my mindset or my communication methods and I doubt that is ever going to change. I started the thread looking for ideas because I wanted them. I got several, and was kind of excited about it. Then I got shot down and lost confidence and threw in the towel. So shoot me for being a social recluse with a massive inferiority complex when it comes to social situations who has really been trying to resolve some of those issues (and thanks for reinforcing my fears, by the way, that’s kind of you) ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/65 "2009-02-07T21:21:40Z")
[QUOTE=Second Star to the Right] I like flip-flops. [/QUOTE] Great! Now we’re _bonding_, baby! Uh, those stupid rubber shoes, the brightly colored ones with holes all over? They’re pretty ugly. I don’t think they’d even be much good for gardening because mud would get in through all the holes. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/66 "2009-02-07T21:28:47Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > Oooohkaaayy. So much for women friends and the bonding idea. > > And Opal flounces off in a huff from yet another of her ask-for-advice threads. > > So…anybody wanna talk about shoes? > > I don’t like ones that pinch. > > Beyond that, I got nuthin’. I was going to wear my purple suede shoes to a party tonight, but now with all the meltage, I’m going to have to go with non-suede. Life is so unfair. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/67 "2009-02-07T21:43:24Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > Great! Now we’re _bonding_, baby! > > Uh, those stupid rubber shoes, the brightly colored ones with holes all over? > > They’re pretty ugly. > > I don’t think they’d even be much good for gardening because mud would get in through all the holes. Agreed. Those shoes aren’t good for anything except looking awful. > [@Shellibean](#): > > At my last girls night we moved the furniture and did the cupid shuffle in the middle of the living room and drank mojitos. Before that we did car bombs. One time we did margaritas, rum and cokes, vodka and whatever we could find, and finally tequila shots. I woke up the next morning and begged someone to put a bullet in my brain to stop the headache. I actually crawled to my apartment on my hands and knees. Good times! At my last girl’s night we played Guitar Hero on the Wii till about 3:30 am. Man that game is addictive. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/68 "2009-02-07T22:02:24Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Then I got to the one saying that any plans at all were stupid since planned activities meant I thought my friends were children who would be eating furniture if they didn’t have every moment planned. From there I figured that chances are, planned events are probably stupid since my social planning history is very small compared to others. So I decided to abandon the idea. Except that’s not what I said, which I explained in my later post. > [@OpalCat](#): > > The contingent out there who thinks that I “don’t seem to actually want” advice should just stop reading my threads \*\*because you do not understand my mindset or my communication methods \*\*and I doubt that is ever going to change. Reread that bolded part. Try applying it to people who aren’t you. Get past the notion that people who don’t express themselves in the exact way you prefer are being purposely hurtful. I like shoes, a lot. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2009, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/69 "2009-02-07T23:19:11Z")
I got a brand new pair of shoes this week. They are made for me - plum [Susan](http://www.target.com/Womens-Xhilaration-Susan-Pumps-Plum/dp/B0017KB38K/sr=1-1/qid=1234048692/ref=sr_1_1/182-4303292-7290440?ie=UTF8&index=target&rh=k%3Aplum%20susan&page=1) pumps. Curse this winter - I want to wear my new shoes! Snow, snow, go away… ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/70 "2009-02-08T00:02:39Z")
Move to Florida, susan. I wear my flops year round(except at work and when I have to dress up). Those are cute. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/71 "2009-02-08T00:27:07Z")
[QUOTE=susan\_foster] I got a brand new pair of shoes this week. They are made for me - plum [Susan](http://www.target.com/Womens-Xhilaration-Susan-Pumps-Plum/dp/B0017KB38K/sr=1-1/qid=1234048692/ref=sr_1_1/182-4303292-7290440?ie=UTF8&index=target&rh=k%3Aplum%20susan&page=1) pumps. [/QUOTE] Your plum Susan pumps, **Kalhoun’s** purple suede shoes, …see, some of us–me, more specifically–are really shoe challenged. I can’t even visualize what **ShelliBean’s** hot pink/light pink two toned mary jane wingtips would look like though they sound rather neat. Martha Washington, whose purple sequined wedding shoes were recently discovered, is obviously your spiritual ancestress. This might be age related but I quail at wearing colorful shoes. I frequently crack up at the Fug Girls coverage of fashion faux pas–like most fashions don’t mystify me anyway–but they often praise very colorful shoes and bags as perfect accents. I guess I get things not having to be matchy-matchy but bright yellow shoes with a blue dress etc. baffle me. I get the general concept but the actual application is beyond me. My shoes are black, save one pair of navy SAS loafers I wear with jeans. And I only remember the name because at first I thought the store was a British special forces outlet. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/72 "2009-02-08T00:32:18Z")
> [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](#): > > Move to Florida, susan. I wear my flops year round(except at work and when I have to dress up). Those are cute. Been there, done that. 4 1/2 years in Fort Lauderdale. It was fun to go to Christmas picnics, no question. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/73 "2009-02-08T00:59:53Z")
[These](http://i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr282/ShelliBeanAllen/184828.jpg) are my shoes that I was talking about. I am a shoe girl. I don’t know if it’s age related - I don’t know how old you are. I am 33. I have a theory about shoes: fat girls love shoes. I am a former fat girl and it was one of those things that didn’t involve emotional conflict and a fight with the dressing room when I tried them on. The shoe thing stuck. I noticed after I lost weight that I didn’t care as much anymore because I focused on the clothing fitting correctly. When I gained weight again, out came the shoes. The pink ones were bought during a “big girl” time. Yes, I am half kidding. No, I am not Oprah. But I could be with the weight thing. One year a size 14, next year a size 5. It’s up and down like that all the time… ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/74 "2009-02-08T02:36:46Z")
I just got my second pair of Dansko clogs. The first pair was a nice deep red shiny patent leopard print. The second pair is the same print in a more neutral brown. I am trying to convince my coworkers that leopard print is SO a neutral. I can’t wear high heels after I broke my ankle a couple of years ago, so clogs are officially my cute shoes. Oh well. The prints are something else. I’ve never had so many favourable remarks as on the red leopard ones! ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/75 "2009-02-08T03:19:29Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > The contingent out there who thinks that I “don’t seem to actually want” advice should just stop reading my threads because you do not understand my mindset or my communication methods and I doubt that is ever going to change. I started the thread looking for ideas because I wanted them. I got several, and was kind of excited about it. Then I got shot down and lost confidence and threw in the towel. Selective comprehension, my ass. This happens in every single “Opal asks for advice” thread I can remember from as far back as I can remember. You ask a very generalized question, dozens of dopers come in with cheerful suggestions which you subsequently berate for not being specifically what you need, based on details of the situation that were not made clear. Or, they were made clear but people were trying to give you many more options that you needed so you could pick and choose. The result is, you get huffy and defensive, basically wonder aloud why you even asked us all in the first place, and presumably leave pissed off without having accomplished anything. I picture you throwing something and saying “Why do I even bother with you idiots anyway if you can’t FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT?!” Well, nobody does know what you want, even you allegedly. Chill the fuck out already, woman. Then you play the victim when everyone wonders why you are acting this way. “Don’t blame me,” you seem to say. “I’m just asking for advice.” Yeah, in possibly the most bitchy and unappreciative way possible. Does that about sum it up? So to say, “You all should stop reading my threads because you don’t understand me or how I communicate”, should probably be amended to “I should really stop creating these threads because it always results in the same level of frustration for them and lack of progress for me.” You’ve been pitted for this nonsense once before, and I’m sure many of us have contemplated pitting you for it over the years when the behavior kept popping up. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/76 "2009-02-08T03:43:08Z")
**ladyfoxfyre** , get the fuck over it. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/77 "2009-02-08T03:45:15Z")
Yeah, you’re right. Yours seems a much more valid contribution to the discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/78 "2009-02-08T03:47:50Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Then I got to the one saying that any plans at all were stupid since planned activities meant I thought my friends were children who would be eating furniture if they didn’t have every moment planned. From there I figured that chances are, planned events are probably stupid since my social planning history is very small compared to others. So I decided to abandon the idea. > > The contingent out there who thinks that I “don’t seem to actually want” advice should just stop reading my threads because you do not understand my mindset or my communication methods and I doubt that is ever going to change. I started the thread looking for ideas because I wanted them. I got several, and was kind of excited about it. Then I got shot down and lost confidence and threw in the towel. > > So shoot me for being a social recluse with a massive inferiority complex when it comes to social situations who has really been trying to resolve some of those issues (and thanks for reinforcing my fears, by the way, that’s kind of you) No one said “any plans at all were stupid since planned activities meant I thought my friends were children who would be eating furniture if they didn’t have every moment planned” except in your own mind. You chose to read **DianaG** ’s post that way instead of reading what she was actually saying. Now you’re playing the “you just don’t understaaaaand me” card, and you actually decided to scrap getting together with IRL friends over posts on a message board that you read the wrong way. You’re an adult, if you have that many issues, seek help and quit dragging them on the dope. I mean that sincerely. How my (relatively mild, IMO) first post in this thread served to reinforce your fears, I’ve no idea, but, well, see above. On preview: what **ladyfoxfyre** said, and, **Jeff** , get the fuck over what? What did **lady** say that was untrue? ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/79 "2009-02-08T03:56:31Z")
> [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](#): > > On preview: what **ladyfoxfyre** said, and, **Jeff** , get the fuck over what? What did **lady** say that was untrue? What did she say that was necessary? She just dropped into the thread to take a potshot. Congratulations to her for being an outraged bystander, it’s quite an accomplishment. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2009, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665/80 "2009-02-08T04:03:48Z")
I think the more worrisome underlying issue is…there’s a contingent? Huh. Oh well. And shoes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-does-one-well-many-actually-do-on-a-girls-night/484665.md?page=5)