# So what kind of shorts is real man supposed to wear? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 3, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773 "2010-06-03T14:48:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/61 "2010-06-04T00:18:27Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > So over here in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=565525) thread, I made note of the fact that I was wearing jean shorts. (not jorts!!) > > In return I got a good bit of friendly teasing for it from my fellow Dopers. So it left me wondering: What kind of shorts are the “cool” men wearing these days? I always thought they looked presentable myself. I’m just not see’n the tacky in my blue jean shorts. 🙂 > > So please enlighten me. > > BTW: For those of you who introduced me to the world of “jorts”; I will curse you til the day I die!! It’ll take me forever to get those images out of my head!! 😃 A REAL man doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about what he is wearing. He can rock whatever he wants to. 😃 BUT, word to the wise (from a woman), unless you are gay, skip the short-shorts. Unless you are a gang-banger, loose the baggy long shorts which are already falling off your ass (shouldn’t be hard..just wiggle a bit). Unless you are 65 or older, please avoid the pleated mid-length numbers. Hmm, guess that doesn’t leave you a lot to work with, huh? 😕 So revert to WEAR WHAT YOU WANT…you are a man, right? If you are enough of one, shouldn’t matter and no-one will dare give you shit over your fucking SHORTS! 🆒 (sorry for the outburst, but we have an ongoing massive environmental/economic catastrophy and we are debating which style of SHORTS a man should wear? :rolleyes:) ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/62 "2010-06-04T01:24:50Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Once the weather turns nice, I wear [Ex Offcio Amphi shorts](http://www.exofficio.com/product_details.aspx?item_cd=1030-5002&key=3ba9ba80-bdff-462e-9bd6-0276e89c4594) almost every day. I like those. Cargo shorts that are just about knee-length look good on a lot of guys. Don’t listen to the “guys shouldn’t wear shorts” crowd, it’s a damn shame to keep nice calves covered up all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/63 "2010-06-04T03:17:52Z")
I prefer the military-style cargo cutoff shorts as well. But to include the cargo pockets (as well as my big gut), I get the way large size. This means the shorts go below my knees. I know, they look baggy, but screw you. I’ve got lotsa pocket room. My current fave pair I found at the Army/Navy store for $5. They’re tiger stripe pattern. I think they look cool. ---
**Author:** ![Mongo\_Ponton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Mongo\_Ponton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mongo_Ponton)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/64 "2010-06-04T03:43:26Z")
Breton Reds. The very definition of Summertime. [Nobby](https://www.ecommercenantucket.com/secure/nobby/pants_ord.html) [O’Connell’s](http://www.oconnellsclothing.com/bermuda_shorts.php) [Brickman’s](http://www.brickmans.com/shorts-order.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/65 "2010-06-04T05:19:37Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > Anything that is comparable to what was worn by either the Brits or the Afrika Korps in WWII should be manly enough. More or less what I wear, via Orvis. Ladies say they like them, they are comfy and practical. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/66 "2010-06-04T15:27:07Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Pantywaist. > > Whatever you do, don’t wear cargo shorts unless you want to look like you’re 17. I only wear them around the local high school.😉 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/67 "2010-06-04T15:34:01Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Ralph Lauren Jean shorts for men? From when, 1990? I haven’t been to the Gap or A&f lately, but I had no idea they still sold Jean shorts. What? You don’t put on your jean shorts, slap a little Bel Biv Davoe into the CD player and cut loose? J Crew has some good ideas for shorts: [http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/MensBrowse/Men\_Shop\_By\_Category/shorts.jsp](http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/MensBrowse/Men_Shop_By_Category/shorts.jsp) ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/68 "2010-06-04T15:34:17Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Those of you men that shrug and say “meh, I’ll wear what I want”- yes, that is your right. However, we _will_ be pointing and laughing, and we _will_ be posting your picture on websites so that the rest of the world can join in. Know that. Real men don’t really give a g.w.f. about the opinion of some random person on the Internet with nothing better to do than captions random pictures and post them on a website called [ICanBeDorkz.com](http://ICanBeDorkz.com). Real men wear khakis, cut-off jean shorts, duck pants, BDUs, silk pyjamas, dungarees, jodhpurs, plaid breeches, taper-leg pants, togas, overalls, knickerbockers, tuxedos, single pleat chinos, hakamas, 'Seventes-era basketball short-shorts, judo-gis, parachute pants, sarongs, triple pleat plus fours, Class As, chaps, and kilts…as they see fit. Real men carry whatever kind of bag they need to carry their real man stuff, consisting mostly of tools, tech manuals, illumination devices, spare ammo, condoms, detonators and cannon fuse, Sharpies, and spearmint gum. and they don’t refer to it is a “man bag” or “murse”; the correct nomenclature is “gun satchel” whether or not it contains a firearm. Real men sneer at fashionistas with their ephemeral and arbitrary trends. Real men don’t use artificial creamer. Real men poke fun at Jack Bauer’s tactical incompetence. Real men can field strip and reassemble a Browning Hi-Power blindfolded in under 30 seconds. > [@Green\_Bean](#): > > [Obligatory link to Tom Selleck rocking the shortie shorts](http://www.chimpsahoy.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/images//2007/09/selleck_shorts.jpg). Tom is doing fine in his _Charlie’s Angels_ short-shorts there, but T.C. looks incredibly uncomfortable, and is clearly struggling to remain in the frame center while pulling his left arm nearly out of socket to make it absolutely clear that they’re not a couple of Village People groupies despite the fact that Selleck is leaning over him as if to get a solid shoulder and thigh brush. Either that, or Tom is trying to pick his pocket. You just can’t trust a Navy guy not to go for the strawberries, ya’ know. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/69 "2010-06-04T15:52:51Z")
> [@Mongo\_Ponton](#): > > Breton Reds. > > The very definition of Summertime. > > [Nobby](https://www.ecommercenantucket.com/secure/nobby/pants_ord.html) > > [O’Connell’s](http://www.oconnellsclothing.com/bermuda_shorts.php) > > [Brickman’s](http://www.brickmans.com/shorts-order.shtml) Those shorts just brim with raw, sexual energy. > [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Real men wear … cut-off jean shorts… I LOL’d at this. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/70 "2010-06-04T15:58:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Real men can field strip and reassemble a Browning Hi-Power blindfolded in under 30 seconds. A Browning Hi-Power? Feh. 9 mm’s are something you buy your daughter for her very first gun when she is a kid. No real man would ever carry one, even ironically, because real men don’t do that fag irony stuff. A real man can assemble a pistol using a proper cartridge that starts with a “4” in however long he feels like taking to do it; he sure isn’t going to rush through it just cause your candy ass is nagging at him to hurry up. ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/71 "2010-06-04T16:00:27Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Those shorts just brim with raw, sexual energy. So does Gary Glitter :o ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/72 "2010-06-04T16:01:37Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Real men wear khakis, cut-off jean shorts, duck pants, BDUs, silk pyjamas, dungarees, jodhpurs, plaid breeches, taper-leg pants, togas, overalls, knickerbockers, tuxedos, single pleat chinos, hakamas, 'Seventes-era basketball short-shorts, judo-gis, parachute pants, sarongs, triple pleat plus fours, Class As, chaps, and kilts…as they see fit. You have basically just described the annual Gay Pride Parade in NYC. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/73 "2010-06-04T16:22:22Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What? You don’t put on your jean shorts, slap a little Bel Biv Davoe into the CD player and cut loose? Never trust a big butt and a smile. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/74 "2010-06-04T16:55:53Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > A Browning Hi-Power? Feh. 9 mm’s are something you buy your daughter for her very first gun when she is a kid. No real man would ever carry one, even ironically, because real men don’t do that fag irony stuff Real men realize that it isn’t the size of the gun or caliber of round it chambers, but the skill at placing the round in the X-ring, be it a .460 Rowland or a .22 LR. A real man may prefer a .45 ACP (and every one of them I know does), but when it comes to getting the job done, “lt’s a toolbox. You put the tools in for the job.” > [@msmith537](#): > > You have basically just described the annual Gay Pride Parade in NYC. A real man isn’t afraid to say, “That queer can clean the clock of every man in this unit, so shut your pie hole, grab your steel, and follow his lead.” Real men also don’t give a good goddamn about political correctness, either. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/75 "2010-06-04T18:01:26Z")
> [@kushiel](#): > > If you’re under the age of 25 (or if you’ve managed to keep an attitude like Matthew McConaughey), you should be wearing [these](http://www.west49.com/products/guys/boardshorts-shorts/?&showFeatures=0&SKEY=c9ecb8). If I ever caught myself wearing those, I’d have to kick my own ass. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/76 "2010-06-04T18:34:52Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Real men realize that it isn’t the size of the gun or caliber of round it chambers, but the skill at placing the round in the X-ring, be it a .460 Rowland or a .22 LR. A real man may prefer a .45 ACP (and every one of them I know does), but when it comes to getting the job done, “lt’s a toolbox. You put the tools in for the job.” Real men don’t use guns. Our flicked toothpicks have all the stopping power we need. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/77 "2010-06-04T18:39:40Z")
> [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > So does Gary Glitter :o Is something rod like supposed to be inserted in that orifice below the eyes? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/78 "2010-06-04T18:59:32Z")
> [@Mongo\_Ponton](#): > > Breton Reds. > > The very definition of Summertime. > > [Nobby](https://www.ecommercenantucket.com/secure/nobby/pants_ord.html) > > [O’Connell’s](http://www.oconnellsclothing.com/bermuda_shorts.php) > > [Brickman’s](http://www.brickmans.com/shorts-order.shtml) > [@msmith537](#): > > What? You don’t put on your jean shorts, slap a little Bel Biv Davoe into the CD player and cut loose? > > J Crew has some good ideas for shorts: > [http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/MensBrowse/Men\_Shop\_By\_Category/shorts.jsp](http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/MensBrowse/Men_Shop_By_Category/shorts.jsp) WTF? $50-$60 for a pair of shorts? Real men don’t pay that shit. Real men go to Walmart and pay $15. > **[Robot or human?](https://www.walmart.com/blocked?url=L2lwL1dyYW5nbGVyLU1lbi1zLUNhcmdvLVNob3J0cy8xMDIyNjkwMw==&uuid=445f7216-d32c-11f0-83be-49175c29dd6f&vid=&g=b)** Then we get down on our knees and thank, with all of our hearts, the 7 year olds in china making $.07 a day who make those shorts.\* Then we take what’s left from that $50-$60 and get some hookers and blow and then get on our knees again and rethank those 7 year olds in china for the left over money we saved that we were able to use to get those hookers and blow. \*What? Children in china need to feed their families too. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/79 "2010-06-04T19:38:37Z")
Real women’s eyes glaze over when the real men start grunting over guns and ammo. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773/80 "2010-06-04T20:27:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > If you don’t mind looking like a doofus, carry on. Actually, we don’t mind at all, so long as we’re comfortable. I wear cutoffs all summer long. They’re comfortable, and they’re free. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-kind-of-shorts-is-real-man-supposed-to-wear/541773.md?page=5)