# So, what would you do if you discovered your 16 year old smoking pot? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263 "2014-06-21T03:02:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/41 "2014-06-22T11:27:02Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > And keep her away from your friends that smoke pot and are successful!!! That will send the wrong message! > > :rolleyes: Some people are stuck with 1980 stereotypes. Or some people know a lot of lazy ass potheads. The idea here isn’t to give the kid a fair and balanced view of pot. The goal is to encourage her to moderate her experimentation and hopefully not become a daily pot smoker while in high school. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/42 "2014-06-22T12:22:50Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Ok smartass. Your daughter is distraught over your inability to reconcile your marriage with her mother, and is coping through the use of cannabis. > > It’s all your fault. Her life is ruined because of you. Your lack of relationship skills has set her on a path to addiction, promiscuous sex, and unhealthy relationships that errantly strive to create what you failed to provide for her. > > Have a fan-fucking-tastic day. Wow. That wasn’t over the top at all. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/43 "2014-06-22T12:35:29Z")
Show her what happens to someone crazy enough to inject themselves with the marijuana. Google [Faces of Marijuana](http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/490/446/fc8.jpg) and scare the girl straight. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/44 "2014-06-22T12:51:07Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > …There’s no random drug testing in Canada… :dubious: I admit to being kind of curious about this. Is it true? My teacher has told me stories about people being drug tested. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/45 "2014-06-22T13:12:51Z")
Despite the fact that you believe this was an isolated incident in “a good kid, a good student” I’d still be concerned that there _may_ be more going on. There are good kids, good students who are doing lots more than you would think. Not saying your kids but I have known of good kids, good students, who died of heroin overdoses. Parents had been unaware until the problem was huge. Athletes too. We parents should be aware of our huge ability to not see things. Smoking by herself in her room may be an innocent way of experimenting once or twice … but in general it should be a red flag marking a regular user. One eyebrow should stay raised just a bit. That said I think you handled it very well. Approaching a 16 year old on the emerging adult level and with some (qualified) trust is a less ineffective tactic than laying down the hammer in most cases … but … 1. You do have to be careful to not let this become a wedge issue with your ex. I am sure you realize the importance for some consistency of approaches between parents, especially during teen years and especially in separate homes. One hopes your conversation was supportive of Mom’s being very upset even while you dealt with it in a more restrained manner. 2. Think ahead to what you will do if, having now stated the “not in my house” limit, you catch her again, either alone or with friends. And discuss/negotiate that plan with her mother as well. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/46 "2014-06-22T14:50:59Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > It was homemade, by her, using water bottles and tin foil. She found the directions on the Internet. > > Did I say this was an isolated incident? She admitted to trying it a few times. She is a good kid, a good student, is kind to animals and strangers and stays out of trouble. > > That’s why I’m not the freaking out parent. I know what pot smells like (obviously) and I know what stoned looks like. I’ve never encountered either and she stays with me every weekend. Right, but if she really is smoking pot every day, way more than any of her friends (so she ends up smoking alone), this is exactly the story she would tell you. She wouldn’t fess up that she’s a pothead–she’d tell you just enough to chill you out. I would ask you to consider the possibility that she really is desperately unhappy and self-medicating in what I think is the worst possible way–learning that the way to deal with misery is to find a way to be . . .not happy, but not unhappy, for a couple hours a day, and that if you can have those couple hours of not-misery, you can function, you don’t have to fix anything She’s going through a horrible time, and a good kid, a kid that wants to be kind and helpful and wants her parents to approve of her is exactly the kid who would hide their misery because they don’t want to disappoint you both with her inability to deal. It’s hubris to assume you’d recognize the signs if she were smoking regularly, especially if you just see her on the weekends (when she may not smoke). ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/47 "2014-06-22T16:16:19Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > :dubious: I admit to being kind of curious about this. Is it true? My teacher has told me stories about people being drug tested. I think drug testing may apply to certain members of the military, police services, etc. but I have worked for 30 years in Ontario and have never had a drug test. I currently work for the federal government in a nuclear facility: no drug testing. ---
**Author:** ![Whitney\_Harper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@Whitney\_Harper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whitney_Harper)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/48 "2014-06-22T18:07:19Z")
I cannot convince you otherwise, because I think you are correct. I started smoking cigarettes at about age 16, and my father was adamant that I stopped. I didn’t, and his wanting me to stop made me want to smoke all the more. I know my father meant well, and looking back on it, I totally understand. I don’t smoke cigarettes now. Hopefully, it is just a passing phase with your daughter. I don’t think it is that big of a deal. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/49 "2014-06-22T18:35:01Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Do you have any pot smoking friends? The kind who love in dingy apartments and subsist off frozen pizza? Take her there to visit, and after, tell her that pot makes you lazy and while the occasional joint at a party won’t ruin her life, regular smoking will sap her potential. “Hey, Steve! How you doing, man?..Awesome. Listen I’ve got a favor to ask you. You know how you’re a fucked up pothead and you live in a shitty apartment and don’t eat anything but frozen pizza? Well my kid was smoking a little pot and I don’t think it’s a super big deal, but I thought I’d bring her to your place to make sure she knows what a fucked up loser she could become. Sort of a scared straight kind of thing. Does Tuesday work?” ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/50 "2014-06-22T18:51:06Z")
Personally, I wasn’t to know about this homemade bong. A fun pastime of all kids coming of age. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/51 "2014-06-22T19:41:24Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > My wife and I are separated. > > Last night my wife walked into our 16 year old daughter smoking marijuana through a home-made bong in her bedroom. > > My ex is making a huge deal about it, and well, I’m not. > …snip… > Ah, shit. After typing this out, I know I’m 100% correct and my ex is wrong. Convince me otherwise. She’s right, you’re wrong. We went through the same issues with my stepson, but the roles were reversed; she was the do-nothing enabler. He fucked his life up for years because we did it her way. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/52 "2014-06-22T20:33:01Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Ok smartass. Your daughter is distraught over your inability to reconcile your marriage with her mother, and is coping through the use of cannabis. > > It’s all your fault. Her life is ruined because of you. Your lack of relationship skills has set her on a path to addiction, promiscuous sex, and unhealthy relationships that errantly strive to create what you failed to provide for her. > > Have a fan-fucking-tastic day. Don’t call other posters names outside of the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/53 "2014-06-22T23:20:06Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > “Hey, Steve! How you doing, man?..Awesome. Listen I’ve got a favor to ask you. You know how you’re a fucked up pothead and you live in a shitty apartment and don’t eat anything but frozen pizza? Well my kid was smoking a little pot and I don’t think it’s a super big deal, but I thought I’d bring her to your place to make sure she knows what a fucked up loser she could become. Sort of a scared straight kind of thing. Does Tuesday work?” Give him an eighth of a decent strain. He’ll be on board. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/54 "2014-06-22T23:26:38Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > She’s right, you’re wrong. We went through the same issues with my stepson, but the roles were reversed; she was the do-nothing enabler. > > He fucked his life up for years because we did it her way. Point taken, but one piece of anecdotal evidence doesn’t point to a trend. I’m biased, of course, but I don’t believe my daughter is on a path to destruction. She wants me to take her and a friend to feed the birds (by hand) next weekend, and then to the zoo. She’s a good kid. I’m biased; I know. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/55 "2014-06-22T23:26:55Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > She’s right, you’re wrong. We went through the same issues with my stepson, but the roles were reversed; she was the do-nothing enabler. > > He fucked his life up for years because we did it her way. His life fucked up all over that one issue? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/56 "2014-06-23T00:12:37Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > His life fucked up all over that one issue? It’s totally plausible! Haven’t you seen Reefer Madness? ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/57 "2014-06-23T00:26:20Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > The idea here isn’t to give the kid a fair and balanced view of pot. Why not? > [@even\_sven](#): > > The goal is to encourage her to moderate her experimentation and hopefully not become a daily pot smoker while in high school. You can’t do this while being honest with your kids? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/58 "2014-06-23T01:02:18Z")
I’m not a pot smoker nor a parent, but I don’t think you should shrug this off as nothingness just because it was nothingness to you. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/59 "2014-06-23T01:10:06Z")
Well, I smoked pot for the first time at 16, so I’m unlikely to make any harsh judgments. And as long as the home made bong isn’t made from an actual skull… Eh, pretty much same response as some above. Find out why, find out if she’s getting it from and/or associating with sketchy people (which may put her in compromising situations), ask her what the fuck she was thinking smoking it in the house because she had to know you’d smell it. And then say “There’s a time and a place for everything, and that place is COLLEGE!” ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2014, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263/60 "2014-06-23T13:58:04Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > His life fucked up all over that one issue? No, his life was fucked up because of his addiction to pot. All he cared about was getting wasted. Dropped out of school, did other drugs as well. He’s 30 now and he’s only started to clean his act up a couple of years ago. Still got a ways to go. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-what-would-you-do-if-you-discovered-your-16-year-old-smoking-pot/691263.md?page=4)