# So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361 "2010-10-07T15:05:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/1 "2010-10-07T15:05:21Z")
Happened again this morning–someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.” I’ve been hearing about Jesus “coming back” for the past fifty years. WTF is he getting here? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/2 "2010-10-07T15:09:54Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Happened again this morning–someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.” > > I’ve been hearing about Jesus “coming back” for the past fifty years. WTF is he getting here? He’s here. [http://www.metacafe.com/watch/978697/the\_big\_lebowski\_jesus\_quintana/](http://www.metacafe.com/watch/978697/the_big_lebowski_jesus_quintana/) ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/3 "2010-10-07T16:23:40Z")
From previous experience, I’d say around noon Sunday – he appears to me every other Sunday about that time to cut my lawn, trim the hedges, etc. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/4 "2010-10-07T16:35:59Z")
He’s around, I saw him blowing leaves in the parking lot at work. At least his name tag said Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/5 "2010-10-07T17:48:55Z")
After Eli and Quinn the Eskimo but before those four guys on horses. I’m guessing 7:30 next Tuesday. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/6 "2010-10-07T17:52:28Z")
He will return, when YOU accept him into your heart. Its on you my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/7 "2010-10-07T17:57:16Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > He will return, when YOU accept him into your heart. Naw, that’s Huitzilopochtli. Only, you accept him into other people’s hearts. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/8 "2010-10-07T17:59:19Z")
He’ll probably show up in a double feature with the [Great Prophet Zarquon](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zarquon). ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/9 "2010-10-07T18:00:41Z")
Maybe never, unless you learn to ask _nicely_… ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/10 "2010-10-07T18:01:56Z")
The Earth is 14.6 billion years old. Jesus was just here 2,000 years ago… he just left a second ago, cosmically speaking. What’s the rush? ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/11 "2010-10-07T18:07:19Z")
He came back in the early '70s. He was born to a young Irish woman in Boston and grew up with a serene wisdom that touched all those around him. But after being repeatedly raped by the Catholic priest at his local church he killed himself at 16. Sadly that’s a mortal sin, so he’s in hell for the rest of eternity. Ironically, being raped by priests. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/12 "2010-10-07T18:07:41Z")
[He’s back](http://www.flickr.com/photos/hansol/278826147/), and He cooks up some good authentic Mexican cuisine. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/13 "2010-10-07T18:13:40Z")
Lenny Bruce in “Christ and Moses” had them coming back and visiting St. Patrick’s in New York. (Words don’t appear to be online.) Cardinal Spellman calls up Pope John to tell him. “Some guys dropped in. I can’t talk now. Who? \ ‘With a cross of um um’. No, not Zorro!” And, as chaos ensues as the lepers arrive, Spellman ends with “What are we paying protection for, anyway?” ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/14 "2010-10-07T18:25:45Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > WTF is he getting here? Next Friday, I’ve got an appointment with him. > [@Bricker](#): > > The Earth is 14.6 billion years old. Not acording to the Jehovas Witness…so, thats like 6000 years only. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/15 "2010-10-07T18:30:46Z")
Polycarp, care to share your interesting viewpoint on this subject? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/16 "2010-10-07T18:38:07Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > The Earth is 14.6 billion years old. > > Jesus was just here 2,000 years ago… he just left a second ago, cosmically speaking. What’s the rush? Be fair, homo sapiens has only been around for a couple of hundred thousand years, so it was about 14 or 15 minutes ago, humanly speaking. Who expects anyone to wait that long? Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/17 "2010-10-07T18:46:39Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > > [@Bricker](#): > > > > The Earth is 14.6 billion years old. > > > > Jesus was just here 2,000 years ago… he just left a second ago, cosmically speaking. What’s the rush? > > Be fair, homo sapiens has only been around for a couple of hundred thousand years, so it was about 14 or 15 minutes ago, humanly speaking. Who expects anyone to wait that long? > Roddy It depends. Does Jesus have tenure? ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/18 "2010-10-07T18:50:26Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > [He’s back](http://www.flickr.com/photos/hansol/278826147/), and He cooks up some good authentic Mexican cuisine. He seems to be closed on Sundays. I hear Satan’s is open all day everyday. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/19 "2010-10-07T18:57:13Z")
When will Jesus come? Well, Annie, you know, when two guys love each other very, very much… ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/20 "2010-10-07T19:01:04Z")
Why’d he leave in the first place? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=2)