# So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361 "2010-10-07T15:05:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/41 "2010-10-07T20:59:58Z")
Reminds me of the old joke… A knock on the pope’s door… Your Holiness, I have good news and bad. What is it my son… It’s Jesus, he’s returned. Well then how can there be any bad news my son? But Your Holiness, he’s in Salt Lake City… ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/42 "2010-10-07T21:33:34Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > > [@bucketybuck](#): > > > > He will return, when YOU accept him into your heart. > > > > Its on you my friend. > > So basically all us heathens are keeping him away? No, just **Annie-Xmas** , apparently. Probably something to do with that whole, “taking the ‘Christ’ out of ‘Christmas’” thing. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/43 "2010-10-07T22:27:32Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > [knopfler] Two men say they’re Jesus; one of them must be wrong [/knopfler] [Sometimes three is insufficient to convince.](http://www.slate.com/id/2255105/) ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/44 "2010-10-07T22:33:32Z")
Same as ever : Soon ™. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/45 "2010-10-08T00:53:49Z")
2012 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/46 "2010-10-08T01:16:50Z")
What makes you think I’m not here already? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/47 "2010-10-08T01:30:28Z")
A cardinal rushes into the Pope’s office and says, “Holy Father! I’ve got good news and bad news! Christ has come again!” “What?! Glory to God! We’ve been waiting 2,000 years! How could that possibly be bad news?!” “The call came in from Salt Lake City.” ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/48 "2010-10-08T01:32:16Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > A cardinal rushes into the Pope’s office and says, “Holy Father! I’ve got good news and bad news! Christ has come again!” > > “What?! Glory to God! We’ve been waiting 2,000 years! How could that possibly be bad news?!” > > “The call came in from Salt Lake City.” So, that was the [Second Coming](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13001202&postcount=41) then, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/49 "2010-10-08T01:43:02Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Lenny Bruce in “Christ and Moses” had them coming back and visiting St. Patrick’s in New York. (Words don’t appear to be online.) Cardinal Spellman calls up Pope John to tell him. > > “Some guys dropped in. I can’t talk now. Who? \ ‘With a cross of um um’. No, not Zorro!” > > And, as chaos ensues as the lepers arrive, Spellman ends with > “What are we paying protection for, anyway?” My favorite Lenny Bruce routine about Christ (paraphrased): They say we Jews killed Christ. And I admit it. They’re right. We did. And if he tries to come back, _we’ll kill him again._ ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/50 "2010-10-08T01:48:21Z")
He’s actually taking out local boy bands, thank GOD! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/lAYpH0a-cqo/maxresdefault.jpg "Hot Chip - I Feel Better (HD)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAYpH0a-cqo) Unfortunately he got cancer a few centuries back. He’s on chemo now, and feeling better. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/51 "2010-10-08T01:55:37Z")
Lord. Some woman named Agee has been giving out dates for 12 years now. Her published book said May 31, 1998. Apparently, she was wrong and has a website and keeps finding a new date, sometimes two, each year, The latest is Oct. 25th. M.J. Agee ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/52 "2010-10-08T02:47:18Z")
Jesus just left Chicago and he’s bound for New Orleans Yeah yeah ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/53 "2010-10-08T02:52:31Z")
I say, we give him another fifteen minutes, and then start without him. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/54 "2010-10-08T05:10:06Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > > [@BrainGlutton](#): > > > > A cardinal rushes into the Pope’s office and says, “Holy Father! I’ve got good news and bad news! Christ has come again!” > > > > “What?! Glory to God! We’ve been waiting 2,000 years! How could that possibly be bad news?!” > > > > “The call came in from Salt Lake City.” > > So, that was the [Second Coming](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13001202&postcount=41) then, huh? OK, an altar boy walks into the sanctuary and he sees Jesus kneeling at the altar. He runs into the priest’s office. “Father! Our Savior is here, in our church, praying!” He pulls the priest into the sanctuary. Jesus is still at the altar, his head down. “What should we do, Father?” “Look busy!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/55 "2010-10-08T19:08:07Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > > [@Wile\_E](#): > > > > So basically all us heathens are keeping him away? > > No, just **Annie-Xmas** , apparently. Probably something to do with that whole, “taking the ‘Christ’ out of ‘Christmas’” thing. Man, I get blamed for _everything_😃 ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/56 "2010-10-08T19:21:29Z")
The three men I admire most, The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, They caught the last train for the coast The day the music died. ---
**Author:** ![Cumberdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Cumberdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumberdale)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/57 "2010-10-08T19:38:30Z")
Probably just before Cthulhu awakens. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/58 "2010-10-08T19:46:31Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > > [@Voyager](#): > > > > Lenny Bruce in “Christ and Moses” had them coming back and visiting St. Patrick’s in New York. (Words don’t appear to be online.) Cardinal Spellman calls up Pope John to tell him. > > > > “Some guys dropped in. I can’t talk now. Who? \ ‘With a cross of um um’. No, not Zorro!” > > > > And, as chaos ensues as the lepers arrive, Spellman ends with > > “What are we paying protection for, anyway?” > > My favorite Lenny Bruce routine about Christ (paraphrased): > > They say we Jews killed Christ. > > And I admit it. They’re right. We did. > > And if he tries to come back, _we’ll kill him again._ I heard a version that said “Sure we killed Christ. He didn’t want to become a doctor.” And a less funny version about it happening in a basement during a party. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/59 "2010-10-08T19:48:28Z")
I think the real problem is that he owes Chris Rock twelve bucks. ---
**Author:** ![pikey\_pete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pikey\_pete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pikey_pete)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/60 "2010-10-09T04:15:21Z")
Jesus already came back. In fact I know where he is. Its a mental ward in Atlanta, Georgia. With all that 'love your neighbor," “feed the poor,” and “forgive your enemies,” stuff, the good citizens of Atlanta figured he was a raving looney, and had him put away for his own good. He did get lucky though, he found one Apostle with 12 personalities. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=4)