# So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361 "2010-10-07T15:05:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/81 "2010-10-10T12:28:56Z")
When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name? ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/82 "2010-10-10T12:41:51Z")
In a five-minute search, I found two Joshua Bar-Joseph in the Israeli phone company’s on-line database, so I imagine a bit of Identity Theft wouldn’t be beyond His ability 😃 Now getting a visa to the US, that might be a bit more of a problem… But no problem making it to Rome! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/83 "2010-10-10T13:01:48Z")
Jesus, the ultimate anchor baby. ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/84 "2010-10-10T13:05:57Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > He will bring with him the first copy of Duke Nukem Forever. Haha! I was going to say pretty much exactly the same thing! ---
**Author:** ![adhay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@adhay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhay)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/85 "2010-10-10T21:11:48Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > > > Happened again this morning–someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.” > > > > I’ve been hearing about Jesus “coming back” for the past fifty years. WTF is he getting here? > > He’s here. > > [http://www.metacafe.com/watch/978697/the\_big\_lebowski\_jesus\_quintana/](http://www.metacafe.com/watch/978697/the_big_lebowski_jesus_quintana/) Jesus? I’m thinking Iron Man 2. I could settle on Lebowski, His Dudeness. Basically, He insists that we all relax. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/86 "2010-10-10T21:30:26Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name? I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/87 "2010-10-10T22:27:16Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name? It’s tough for Customs to intercept a guy who can walk on water. Besides, he can probably do the Jedi thing: \* \\* “This isn’t the Messiah you’re looking for.” ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/88 "2010-10-10T23:19:49Z")
Jesus don’t need no security line bullsheet. Jesus can resurrect anywhere Jesus wants to. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/89 "2010-10-11T05:43:04Z")
I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/90 "2010-10-11T05:52:56Z")
> [@anya\_marie](#): > > I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus! If it was Rolling Stone, you probably saw one of those ZZ Top guys. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/91 "2010-10-11T06:16:05Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > > [@Morgenstern](#): > > > > When he comes, do you really think he’ll get through customs with a 2000 year old passport and no last name? > > I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H. [Haploid](http://www.biology-online.org/dictionary/Haploid)? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/92 "2010-10-11T12:50:50Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > > [@anya\_marie](#): > > > > I saw him last on the cover of a magazine, but i recycled the magazine, bye Jesus! > > If it was Rolling Stone, you probably saw one of those ZZ Top guys. Or Willie Nelson. Edit: Did Jesus like country music? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/93 "2010-10-11T14:44:05Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > > > I thought his last name was Christ. It’s the middle name we’re uncertain of. All we know is his middle initial is H. > > [Haploid](http://www.biology-online.org/dictionary/Haploid)? Hallmark. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/94 "2010-10-11T15:05:06Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > He did come back. About a week after he first died. Then he died again. It’s all done. Other than the dying again (actually, He ascended into Heaven) YOU TOOK MY ANSWER! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/95 "2010-10-11T18:58:01Z")
> [@pope\_hentai](#): > > “hey god, why don’t you go back to visit earth?” > > Are you kidding, i visited once 2000 years ago, wound up knocking up some broad, and they STILL talk about it! That’s _Zeus_. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/96 "2010-10-11T19:57:41Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > > [@pope\_hentai](#): > > > > “hey god, why don’t you go back to visit earth?” > > > > Are you kidding, i visited once 2000 years ago, wound up knocking up some broad, and they STILL talk about it! > > That’s _Zeus_. 🙂 Hmmm… Jesus… Zeus… You don’t suppose…? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/97 "2010-10-11T19:59:31Z")
> [@Trans Fat Og](#): > > > [@Sunspace](#): > > > > That’s _Zeus_. 🙂 > > Hmmm… Jesus… Zeus… You don’t suppose…? Zeus: Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you? John McClane: Guy back there called you Jésus. Zeus: He didn’t say Jésus. He said, “Hey, Zeus!” My name is Zeus. John McClane: Zeus? Zeus: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that? John McClane: No, I don’t have a problem with that. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/98 "2010-10-11T20:03:56Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@BubbaDog](#): > > > > [knopfler] Two men say they’re Jesus; one of them must be wrong [/knopfler] > > Or Borg. > > “WHY DO YOU RESIST? WE ONLY WISH TO IMPROVE THE HOLINESS OF ALL PEOPLE. YOU WILL ALL BECOME ONE…WITH THE LORD.” - Jesus of Borg > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Look, it’s simple. He canonically came back from the dead; that makes him some sort of undead. Given his coherence, apparently as a vampire and not a zombie… Are you sure that zombie isn’t a better fit? _ **SOOOOOOOOOULS!** _ ---
**Author:** ![monavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e0b2c6/32.png) [@monavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monavis)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/99 "2010-10-13T12:23:46Z")
> [@Ann\_Onimous](#): > > > [@GuanoLad](#): > > > > He did come back. About a week after he first died. Then he died again. It’s all done. > > Other than the dying again (actually, He ascended into Heaven) YOU TOOK MY ANSWER! 😉 When He came back from the dead(according to the NT) He didn’t come in His father’s glory with his angels etc. as described in Matthew,and there are no 2,000+ people living today. So that would have to mean He was coming in His father’s glory durning the first century,at best!! ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/100 "2010-10-14T11:24:24Z")
He has been here for some time now, and even has a [syndicated radio show.](http://www.thejesuschristshow.com/) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=6)