# So when the fuck is this Jesus dude coming back, already? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361 "2010-10-07T15:05:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/101 "2010-10-28T12:54:43Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I hope someone’s tossing this biscuit in the trash when you’re all done with it. :dubious: Awww. Poor widdle Malacandra, we’re being all mean to you. Here, have a biscuit. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/102 "2010-10-29T18:51:58Z")
> [@Nancarrow](#): > > Awww. Poor widdle Malacandra, we’re being all mean to you. > > Here, have a biscuit. Took you three weeks to come up with that little gem? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/103 "2010-10-31T07:55:08Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > He has been here for some time now, and even has a [syndicated radio show.](http://www.thejesuschristshow.com/) I heard that while visiting my brother in L.A.- actually an interesting show. A bit too fund’ist for my tastes. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/104 "2010-10-31T09:05:16Z")
42 no, sorry, doesn’t fit the question. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/105 "2010-10-31T15:58:28Z")
> [@monavis](#): > > If they read their Bible they would see in Matthew 16; Jesus is quoted as saying he was going to return in his father’s glory with all his angels,and he would reward every man according to his work, and some of the ones standing there listening to him would not see death until it happened. So it should have happened 2,000 years ago,but apparently didn’t or wasn’t recorded. > > This is contrary to the book of Revalations, so one or the other must be wrong! Mel Brooks is 2000 years old\* and he’s still alive. So Jesus could still show up in time. \*I’ll admit the documentary proof on this is questionable. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/106 "2010-10-31T16:51:25Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Took you three weeks to come up with that little gem? :dubious: No. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/107 "2010-11-02T15:19:15Z")
> [@monavis](#): > > When He came back from the dead(according to the NT) He didn’t come in His father’s glory… This is where mistranslation really hurts. Rather, the omission of the key word “hole” at the end of the phrase, which entirely changes the meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/108 "2010-11-02T15:28:48Z")
_hnyuk hnyuk hnyuk dem xians sure is tardz huh Cletus?_ Class piled upon class. I guess it’s a step up from shouting “Bum!” and giggling like a loon. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/109 "2010-11-02T16:17:53Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > _hnyuk hnyuk hnyuk dem xians sure is tardz huh Cletus?_ > > Class piled upon class. I guess it’s a step up from shouting “Bum!” and giggling like a loon. Oh, get over yourself. 🙂 Your God can handle a few jokes, methinks. Especially if he was crucified, he probably is damn grateful for just jokes. Join the rest of the world - most religions are mocked mercilessly in this country and I think a beautiful thing - if humans can’t laugh, we can only weep. It’s the price you pay for being the dominant religion. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/110 "2010-11-02T16:36:24Z")
Malacandra is a religion? It DOES sound like some eastern practice. What are the tenets of Malacandrians? I need to decide whether to join it or mock it, or both. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/111 "2010-11-02T19:41:42Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Oh, get over yourself. 🙂 Your God can handle a few jokes, methinks. Especially if he was crucified, he probably is damn grateful for just jokes. > > Join the rest of the world - most religions are mocked mercilessly in this country and I think a beautiful thing - if humans can’t laugh, we can only weep. It’s the price you pay for being the dominant religion. Buzz off. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/112 "2010-11-04T05:16:05Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Malacandra is a religion? It DOES sound like some eastern practice. > > What are the tenets of Malacandrians? I need to decide whether to join it or mock it, or both. Ooh, ooh, can I join? Can I be a minister? Can I have a clergy sticker for my bumper? “Hey, Sarge. You can’t ticket this car. Look here, he’s a high priest of Malacandra.” Oh, and btw I mock my own religion mercilessly. That’s how I know it’ll stand up to intellectual (and sarcastic) inquiry. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/113 "2010-11-04T07:00:22Z")
An idea for a terrifying movie, far scarier than Zombies: Channel surfing shows Pope Benedict/President Obama/Mormon Prophet/Dalai Lama and other political and religious leaders all making statements on the day’s story. Anderson Cooper comes on: > [@](#): > > For those just waking up or tuning in, it’s the biggest story in the history of the world. Jesus Christ has returned to Earth which has non-Christians terrified as well as many Christians. Why would any Christians be terrified at Jesus returning you ask? Well, He announced His return by a video message… made at Mel Gibson’s house. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/114 "2010-11-04T07:33:00Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Ooh, ooh, can I join? Can I be a minister? Can I have a clergy sticker for my bumper? > > “Hey, Sarge. You can’t ticket this car. Look here, he’s a high priest of Malacandra.” > > Oh, and btw I mock my own religion mercilessly. That’s how I know it’ll stand up to intellectual (and sarcastic) inquiry. Interesting point you make, but when I see an allusion to Jesus Christ coming in his Father’s glory hole, I think we’re some way past examining what intellectual and sarcastic inquiry Christianity can take, and well into the territory of trying to one-up each other with tasteless playground humour in an atmosphere of mutual back-slapping. Exactly where you think that line may have been crossed in this thread, I leave to your judgment, and I don’t plan to get into any arguments about it. But neither my God or my personal faith can be hurt like that, so don’t concern yourself there. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/115 "2010-11-04T18:06:36Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > someone handed me a tract and talked about Jesus “coming back.” Dang dude, you had the guy with the inside info in front of you right there, why didn’t you ASK him? I mean, hell, he’s got materials printed up and all, he MUST have some inside info.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/116 "2010-11-04T18:47:09Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > But neither my God or my personal faith can be hurt like that, so don’t concern yourself there. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the original concern about the joke came from you, not **digs**. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/117 "2010-11-04T19:40:05Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > …But neither my God or my personal faith can be hurt like that, so don’t concern yourself there. So how about you STFU and let us have our fun? ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/118 "2010-11-04T20:02:39Z")
Jesus did come back, but he saw his shadow, meaning we’ll get 6 more weeks of bad weather, so he went back in. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/119 "2010-11-04T20:04:19Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the original concern about the joke came from you, not **digs**. Sure I’ll correct you, since you make it so easy - I didn’t post any concern, merely chimed in with a comment about the circle-jerk and followed up with a remark about how classy the thread was getting. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So how about you STFU and let us have our fun? Masturbate away, dear fellow - just wash your hands afterwards and dispose of the poor biscuit thoughtfully. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361/120 "2010-11-07T19:29:04Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Jesus did come back, but he saw his shadow, meaning we’ll get 6 more weeks of bad weather, so he went back in. Um, that sounds very familiar. Did [onion.com](http://onion.com) take that angle a while back, or is it just my imagined memory? _ **- Jack** _ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-when-the-fuck-is-this-jesus-dude-coming-back-already/556361.md?page=7)