# So, which part of my life do I give up to avoid being raped? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2005, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339 "2005-01-18T09:27:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/121 "2005-01-19T19:36:10Z")
> [@Chotii](#): > > Actually, I still don’t. I hope I can shed some light on this. When you say “Men rape women”, while you meant to imply “Some”, many people will read it as “All.” With no qualifier, that’s the logical interpretation. Couple that with the extreme accusation inherent within, then it’s no surprise that most men’s reaction would be an almost knee-jerk “No I don’t, I swear!” Would you have any problem with the phrase “Women are prostitutes”? ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/122 "2005-01-19T19:37:25Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Agreed. And if there are many types of rape, then I posit that there are many types of motivation. No doubt in the case of back alley rapists the motivation most likely is one of power or control. No argument from me on that. It’s date rape where I start to question that. And I really question it in (some) cases of statutory rape. Well, statutory rape is a difficult one, and is based on when the state believes a woman is mature enough to make her own decisions regarding sexuality vs. being coerced and taken advantage of. I happen to think it’s a case by case thing, YMMV. > [@](#): > > No question of it. But what it _is_ and what the rapist _thinks it is_ may be two different things. I’ll also entertain the notion that the motivation started out as sex, then mutated to control. And that, to me, is it in a nutshell. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/123 "2005-01-19T19:39:38Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I hope I can shed some light on this. When you say “Men rape women”, while you meant to imply “Some”, many people will read it as “All.” With no qualifier, that’s the logical interpretation. Couple that with the extreme accusation inherent within, then it’s no surprise that most men’s reaction would be an almost knee-jerk “No I don’t, I swear!” > > Would you have any problem with the phrase “Women are prostitutes”? Instead, should probably read: “The vast majority of rapes are committed by men against women.” ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/124 "2005-01-19T19:42:29Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > It’s pretty much all over the thread, but a good example might be found in post #265 on page 6. > Quote: > There is nothing wrong with reasonable self-defense tips or basic precautions. There is, however, something very wrong with presenting these things as the target’s responsibility or as ways to prevent rape. Why? Because that suggests that if someone is actually raped, it was their own fault for failing in their responsibility to prevent it! They obviously did something wrong, or the rapist wouldn’t have succeeded! > > ## You can say that’s not what you mean all day long, but no matter what you mean that’s what the words mean. If victims are “responsible” for preventing rape, then they’re equally “responsible” when the rape isn’t prevented. > > The gist of it being that we couldn’t come to any accord on what the words “responsible” and “responsibility” mean. Some people (namely me) were saying “Women should take responsiblity for their safety”, by which I meant that if there were reasonable steps one could take to mitigate risk, then one would be wise to take those steps. But people were reading it as “Women who don’t take certain steps are responsible for getting raped”, meaning that they should be blamed. No, you didn’t understand my question. The OP was decrying those here on SDMB who claim that women are responsible for _being_ raped. I’m asking for examples of anyone actually _saying_ that women are responsible for being raped. Has anyone MADE such a contention, or is it just a strawman? The example you just quoted is actually making the _opposite_ point, i.e. women are _not_ responsible for being raped. > [@](#): > > It was essentially a failure to communicate. There was also the attitude that if steps could be taken, the mere fact of those steps automatically put victims to accusations that there must have been something they could have done. That’s what you’re _saying_, but I still don’t see any examples of people who actually _believe_ that. > [@](#): > > Ergo, they deserve blame. And I don’t see that as an unreasonable attitude – I’m quite sure there’s some truth to it. Now I’m _really_ confused. Are you agreeing with that position now? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/125 "2005-01-19T19:43:08Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Didn’t see this last time through, so sorry. > > YES!! That is it _exactly_. That distinction needs to be made clear. I knew we were both working toward the same conclusion, I was just wondering how to go about getting us there. I suspect we are in complete agreement on most things regarding this. It’s petty little things like language that are getting in the way. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/126 "2005-01-19T19:45:10Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Because in the very end, the difference between the rapist who uses violence, pain and humiliation and the mugger who beats and stabs his victims for monetary again is that one of them is after sexual gratification, and the other isn’t. No. The difference is that in the end, the mugger wanted the victim’s money and injury was probably incidental; to the rapist, the violation of the victim is the purpose. **tdn** , the only disconnect you and I seem to be having is the word “sex”. In the **prisoner…** thread, I was guilty of simplifying this to rape is violence. Instead, I should have said that rape is about force. My own preference is to have people quit referring to rape as a sex act. The only one have “sex” in a rape is possibly the rapist. The other party is not participating in a sex act. As **Try as I Might** indicated in the **prisoner…** thread, a lot perception of the act is in how the act is described. “He raped her” vs “they had non-consentual sex”. We need to keep the active voice on the rapist. “He forced her to perform sex” is not strong enough–it must be “he raped her”. I know you don’t feel that responsibility is being placed on the victim. However, when people ask first what the circumstances are surrounding the rape and letting the victim know all the ways she could have prevented it, it seems a lot like asking her to take responsibility–_even if that’s not what you mean_. ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/127 "2005-01-19T19:47:14Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > …As a man who has not and will not rape… Men feel defensive, because they’re being lumped in with rapists. Clearly, that’s not right, but it’s a natural reaction for rape victims. I am not lumping all men together as rapists, and I don’t believe the assertion that all men can be pushed to rape. And yet, men who do not rape feel guilty and demonized when confronted with rape. Why is that? I think this is because it must make men question themselves: “Could I do that? How would I justify it to myself?” I have a pretty good idea that many men who do rape, especially date rape, find _some_ way to justify itself to themselves. They would not call themselves rapists. So the question is not: would I grab some woman in a dark parking lot and force myself on her, but…could I insist that my girlfriend have sex with me even when she didn’t want to? How about if I were drunk, or she were? What if it was just too hard to stop, if we’d gone too far? Could I really make myself stop " And the answer, unfortunately, is that a great many men, even men who believe they would never do such things…do in fact do so. And of course it creates guilt by association, even among those men who truly never _would_ do such things. Because if that man there…could do it, and justify it to himself somehow…how is it _I_ would not? Well, this is how _I_ think such guilt comes about. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/128 "2005-01-19T19:53:40Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > No, you didn’t understand my question. Sorry. > [@](#): > > The OP was decrying those here on SDMB who claim that women are responsible for _being_ raped. I’m asking for examples of anyone actually _saying_ that women are responsible for being raped. Has anyone MADE such a contention, or is it just a strawman? The example you just quoted is actually making the _opposite_ point, i.e. women are _not_ responsible for being raped. To the best of my recollection, no one made such a contention, but many people interpreted it as such. Not a strawman, but a misunderstanding. I blame John Q. English, inventor of languages. > [@](#): > > That’s what you’re _saying_, but I still don’t see any examples of people who actually _believe_ that. I thought the post I pointed out said that, but I could be wrong. When I have time, which is not now, I’ll see if I can dig up a better one. > [@](#): > > Now I’m _really_ confused. Are you agreeing with that position now? No no no no! I’m pointing out that some people buy into that position. I do not count myself among them. ---
**Author:** ![Testy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@Testy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Testy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/129 "2005-01-19T19:53:49Z")
Nope. Burqas don’t work, at least not completely. Women stay pretty-well covered here in Saudi but rapes still happen. OTOH, there is no such beast as a \*serial \* rapist. Men caught for rape usually expeience an ugly death within the year. Not trying to start a DP debate as it is one of those “religious” subjects where people are going to see what they want to. Chopping the heads off rapists and the extremely low incidence of rape may be cause-and-effect or just a correlation but there are damn few rapes here. Regards Testy ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/130 "2005-01-19T19:55:30Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Here’s what hasn’t been said yet: **Not all women will be raped.** Indeed, the vast majority women will not be raped, at least according to the statistics I’ve seen bandied about during the past week. **FinnAgain** believes it is unfair to restrict the actions all of men because a small fraction of them commit rape. I believe it is just as unfair to restrict the actions of women because a small fraction of them will be raped. I didn’t figure it needed to be said that not all women are raped. Furthermore, I’ve not seen anybody suggest that women should be ‘restricted’ by anything approaching law, only that they should be aware of risk factors and perhaps modify their behavior. As such, since any restriction is a personal coice as to how you want to balance safety and freedom of action… ~shrugs~ it’s your choice, and as of yet I’ve seen no one suggest otherwise (despite the hysterics of a few posters in this thread). > [@Siege](#): > > Also, by focusing on steps to prevent being raped by the proverbial “stranger in the bushes”, we overlook the greater danger women face, that of being raped by someone they should be able to trust. I would argue that one is much more preventable than the other, and thus, it’s not all that surprising that more time is spent focusing on that which we can actually change. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/131 "2005-01-19T19:56:44Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > such as **Guinastasia** who did not want to take a night job because she’d have to ride the bus alone at night. Nitpick: it wasn’t about not working at night, or even taking a bus. It was going to a particular area that would have me standing alone at bus stops on the North Side late at night, and then having to walk back to my home in the dark, when a rapist had recently been caught targeting women RIGHT ON MY BUS LINE. Right by my house. I have no problem going out at night, or taking the bus, but there are certain areas that I would avoid being alone at. I’m not complaining, just clearing this up, lest people thing I would never leave my house at night. That’s not true. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/132 "2005-01-19T20:10:46Z")
> [@](#): > > **Chotii** said: > Actually, I still don’t. Because it’s an unfair generalization that does not apply to the vast majority of men on this planet. The majority of people who abuse their own children are mothers, so would it be fair to say ‘Mothers abuse children.’ or ‘Women abuse children.’? Of course not. The same way it’s not fair to say ‘Men rape women.’ It maligns the vast majority of people of that gender that _aren’t_ criminals. > [@](#): > > But it still was an awful trauma that affected my perception of _all_ men for a great many years." Do you think it’s OK to apply that perception to all men because of what one did? > [@](#): > > **Maureen** said: > I’m also capable of reading the cite provided to see that the majority of rapes occur either in the victim’s home or very close to it. Perhaps you should read that thread. It may help enlighten a bit. I’ve read it enough to know that it contains far too much feminist dogmatic bullshit to be of any use to me. > [@](#): > > Nothing. It makes it equal. What, in your mind, makes it less so? Where did I say it’s less bad than being beaten, stabbed or shot? I only said it wasn’t _worse_. As a matter of fact, having been the target of both kinds of crimes, I’d say they were pretty fucking equal. > [@](#): > > As I’ve said before (and provided a cite), many serial rapists do not enjoy the actual sexual act. They don’t reach a sexual climax from it? It doesn’t ‘get them off’? > [@](#): > > In fact, many serial rapists are married and have a sexual outlet, and admit that sex is not the driving factor for what they do. Yeah? Most men (and women) with other sexual outlets still masturbate. Having sex with someone willingly doesn’t mean they feel no sexual release at all from masturbation. Do rapists not get any sexual pleasure from rape? You’re going to have to prove that. Especially since it’s well documented that there are people for whom violence toward another person and/or humiliation of another person _is_ a sexual desire. There are websites, magazines, videos and clubs devoted to it. > [@](#): > > Clearly, that’s not right, but it’s a natural reaction for rape victims. I am not lumping all men together as rapists, and I don’t believe the assertion that all men can be pushed to rape. And yet, men who do not rape feel guilty and demonized when confronted with rape. Why is that? It’s not reasonable or right to categorize all men because of the actions of one. Why do they feel guilty and demonized? Well how the hell would you feel if organizations with a few million members continually pushed the message at you ‘Women abuse children’? Would you eventually feel you were being unfairly demonized? I would. > [@](#): > > **stretch** said: > No. The difference is that in the end, the mugger wanted the victim’s money and injury was probably incidental; to the rapist, the violation of the victim is the purpose. But what does he get out of the violence? An orgasm? > [@](#): > > **Chotii** said: > I think this is because it must make men question themselves: “Could I do that? How would I justify it to myself?” Is that what you’d ask yourself if you were bombarded day in and day out with the message ‘Women abuse children.’? > [@](#): > > And the answer, unfortunately, is that a great many men, even men who believe they would never do such things…do in fact do so. How many is a ‘great many’? I’m under the impression that it’s actually a very extreme minority of the male population of earth. > [@](#): > > **Guinastasia** said: > Nitpick: Sorry, I was shortening things down from memory. I only brought it up to make the point that it’s not unreasonable to evaluate the risk of a certain situation and then decide it’s worth it to modify your behavior to avoid that risk, ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/133 "2005-01-19T20:22:27Z")
> [@stretch](#): > > **tdn** , the only disconnect you and I seem to be having is the word “sex”. Yep, and we (all) spent page after page arguing because we failed to clear up the various definitions of that word. Our bad. > [@](#): > > The only one have “sex” in a rape is possibly the rapist. The other party is not participating in a sex act. Excellent way of putting it. > [@](#): > > As **Try as I Might** indicated in the **prisoner…** thread, a lot perception of the act is in how the act is described. “He raped her” vs “they had non-consentual sex”. We need to keep the active voice on the rapist. “He forced her to perform sex” is not strong enough–it must be “he raped her”. Yes, although I’d point out that **Try** was referring to a courtroom situation, in which jury reaction is everything. On a message board we can take our time and explore the situation with a bit more nuance. > [@](#): > > I know you don’t feel that responsibility is being placed on the victim. However, when people ask first what the circumstances are surrounding the rape and letting the victim know all the ways she could have prevented it, it seems a lot like asking her to take responsibility–_even if that’s not what you mean_. Well put. **blowero** , you get that? I hope that answers your question. It’s far better than anything I could write. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/134 "2005-01-19T20:32:35Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > I am not lumping all men together as rapists, and I don’t believe the assertion that all men can be pushed to rape. And yet, men who do not rape feel guilty and demonized when confronted with rape. Why is that? Probably because of all the people who say things like “Men rape women.” I dunno about you, but that makes me feel pretty damn demonized. > [@Chotii](#): > > I think this is because it must make men question themselves: “Could I do that? How would I justify it to myself?” And you think that because you’re a bigot. Jesus christ, how insulting can you be? Having folks bandy about insulting and idiotic distinction memes somehow makes me question if I ‘could’ rape a woman and then justify it? Are you out of your mind??? Don’t tacitly accuse an innocent man of rape (“Men are rapists”) and then, when they feel demonized, point to that as evidence of them being potential rapists. That’s revolting. > [@Chotii](#): > > I have a pretty good idea that many men who do rape, especially date rape, find _some_ way to justify itself to themselves. They would not call themselves rapists. Um… So because a rapist would find a way to justify it, your normal, average, law abiding, man is going to wonder if he could? Again, just how insulting and bigoted can you get? > [@Chotii](#): > > What if it was just too hard to stop, if we’d gone too far? Could I really make myself stop " Oh my fucking god! Unless a man is a fucking criminal monster these thoughts don’t enter into his head! “Could I really make myself stop???” Normal men without serious pathologies know full well that they could ‘make’ themselves stop. That’s what being an adult and having self control means. > [@Chotii](#): > > And the answer, unfortunately, is that a great many men, even men who believe they would never do such things…do in fact do so. A great many? Bullshit. Also, just because some wackos think they could never rape anybody (which you’ve not proven) and then go on to rape someone, doesn’t mean that all or most or even some men fit into this pattern too. If a man doesn’t think he could do such a thing, but then does such a thing, he’s a freakin rapist! And thus, very, very diseased. > [@Chotii](#): > > And of course it creates guilt by association, No, folks like you try to create guilt by association, and then some men like myself object to feeling demonized and point this out. But I guess I’m really sitting here thinking about the circumstances in which I’d rape a woman. You know best. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/135 "2005-01-19T20:39:12Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Do you think it’s OK to apply that perception to all men because of what one did? Of course not. Do you think you could step down the frothing anger just a few notches and try a bit more dispassion? > [@](#): > > I’ve read it enough to know that it contains far too much feminist dogmatic bullshit to be of any use to me. Translation: No. You didn’t actually hit any of the cites mentioned. Tell ya what. Do that. Then come back and we’ll talk. > [@](#): > > Where did I say it’s less bad than being beaten, stabbed or shot? I only said it wasn’t _worse_. As a matter of fact, having been the target of both kinds of crimes, I’d say they were pretty fucking equal. Good. Then on this count we agree. > [@](#): > > They don’t reach a sexual climax from it? It doesn’t ‘get them off’? According to the research, not always, no. But whether or not they reach climax, as I pointed out in the other thread, is of no consequence. Many women experience climax during rape, as well. Does that mean those women are enjoying the experience? > [@](#): > > Yeah? Most men (and women) with other sexual outlets still masturbate. Having sex with someone willingly doesn’t mean they feel no sexual release at all from masturbation. Do rapists not get any sexual pleasure from rape? You’re going to have to prove that. Especially since it’s well documented that there are people for whom violence toward another person and/or humiliation of another person _is_ a sexual desire. There are websites, magazines, videos and clubs devoted to it. I’m sorry. Are you really comparing rape as a sexual outlet to masturbation? My word, you really are deluded. No. In answer to your question, and for the third time, many rapists state they do not enjoy the act of intercourse itself. Proof of that was provided. The satisfaction of the rapist was the “conquering” of the victim. And yes, of course I’ve heard of rape fantasy. The two are nothing alike. > [@](#): > > It’s not reasonable or right to categorize all men because of the actions of one. Why do they feel guilty and demonized? Well how the hell would you feel if organizations with a few million members continually pushed the message at you ‘Women abuse children’? Would you eventually feel you were being unfairly demonized? I would. Noooooo…that’s why I said it was unreasonable. However. Many women do not lump men into the category “rapist.” I would say that a man’s feeling of guilt is more a case of transferrence, not only on the part of a victim, but on the part of most men. > [@](#): > > But what does he get out of the violence? An orgasm? So. You think orgasm=sex. Okay. Once again, bullshit. An orgasm is a phyiscal response to stimulus. And women who experience them during rape have their shame and degradation increased because of that, because no one bothers to explain to them the difference between enjoyment and orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/136 "2005-01-19T20:41:26Z")
> [@Chotii](#): > > I think this is because it must make men question themselves: (snip) Well, this is how _I_ think such guilt comes about. I think that’s a good guess, but not quite right, at least not in my case. My own thoughts are usually “Hey, what if I’m ever falsely accused of this? Or what if a sexual encounter becomes, in her mind, a rape, when I thought it was a mutually enjoyable thing?” This shows a couple of things: 1. Paranoia is something of a hobby for me. 2. It never enters my mind that I could actually go through with rape. I’d like to think I couldn’t, but I wonder now if that’s just denial on my part. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/137 "2005-01-19T20:46:37Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > 1. It never enters my mind that I could actually go through with rape. I’d like to think I couldn’t, but I wonder now if that’s just denial on my part. If you honestly think it’s just denial on your part, and you might rape someone some day, get into counseling asap. Otherwise, assume that this is a ridiculous scare tactic designed to demonize half of the species and realize that you’re not a rapist. ~shrugs~ ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/138 "2005-01-19T20:49:53Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This shows a couple of things: > > 1. Paranoia is something of a hobby for me. > 2. It never enters my mind that I could actually go through with rape. I’d like to think I couldn’t, but I wonder now if that’s just denial on my part. 😛 I don’t think so. I can’t remember which of those articles it was, but one of them states that rapists (serial & date) generally commit their (first) act of rape by the age of 22. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/139 "2005-01-19T20:53:25Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > To the best of my recollection, no one made such a contention, but many people interpreted it as such. Not a strawman, but a misunderstanding. I blame John Q. English, inventor of languages. Oh, I see what you’re saying. That’s what I thought as well. If anyone says women are responsible for being raped, I’d be the first to vehemently disagree. I’m just not aware of anyone here having actually _said_ such a thing. I think it’s a strawman. ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339/140 "2005-01-19T20:54:04Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > They don’t reach a sexual climax from it? It doesn’t ‘get them off’? > > \ > > But what does he get out of the violence? An orgasm? Maybe the rapist reaches orgasm. I believe you are aware that women sometime orgasm during rapes as a response to friction. How about the rapist? Does he ejaculate because of the friction? If you are talking about some kind of mental release, that can happen with or without any sexual aspect. I believe the rapist gets more from the process of the rape than the actual sexual activity. You obviously disagree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-which-part-of-my-life-do-i-give-up-to-avoid-being-raped/285339.md?page=8)