# So who's being the bigger jerk in this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221 "2012-11-07T15:09:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/1 "2012-11-07T15:09:52Z")
I like to cook. Pastries are my special joy, but really I like to make anything from scratch. I find mastering a new recipe to be an interesting challenge, while making an old one to be nicely relaxing. So I’m always making cookies, cakes, pies, & such, and about once a week I bring something to work to share–mostly with my subordinates, but anyone who wants some can have some once everyone on my team has had the opportunity. A few weeks ago, I brought some fudge brownies in. They were a hit. One woman in the office–not one of my subordinates, incidentally, but a customer service manager whom I don’t know well–heard about the free brownies, came over to get one, and gushed. “Lucy” asked me what mix I had used; I told her there wasn’t one, as for my purposes a mix is contraindicated. She laughed and said, “Yeah, sure. No man can cook from scratch like this.” She also ate the brownie. I was mildly annoyed. Last week I made a cheesecake. Not a no-bake cheesecake, but a real one. Again Lucy came in for a piece; again she suggested that I hadn’t really baked it, this time suggesting I’d bought it and placed it on my plate just to get praise. I told her she was wrong; again she said that couldn’t possibly be true. This time I was seriously annoyed. Last night while watching the election I made a chocolate chocolate cake that will probably shave 20 minutes off the life expectancy of anyone who eats it. Lucy came saw me bringing it in and came by a few minutes ago (which was ridiculously early) and asked for a piece. I declined, citing the Skald’s-team-goes-first rule. (Which isn’t absolute; if the department admin wants a piece she always gets one for reasons left as an exercise for the class.) She then asked me to save her one, and I refused to do that as well, explaining that, since she didn’t believe I could actually cook, I wouldn’t want to force her to pretend to like what I had made. Clearly I am being over-sensitive here. But then, I’m an unrepentant jackass on many issues, so I don’t care. The question is this: which of us is being the **bigger** jerk? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/2 "2012-11-07T15:25:22Z")
Her. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/3 "2012-11-07T15:26:14Z")
If she actually thinks you’re faking it, and is calling you on it, she’s cunting it up old-style, and does not deserve your baked goods, and sorely did deserve this: > [@](#): > > She then asked me to save her one, and I refused to do that as well, explaining that, since she didn’t believe I could actually cook, I wouldn’t want to force her to pretend to like what I had made. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/4 "2012-11-07T15:27:19Z")
Sounds like a good response to me as far as petty conflicts go. However, I would challenge her to a bakeoff in front of the whole office and come decked out in chef’s gear and really play it up. ---
**Author:** ![Minnie\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/5 "2012-11-07T15:27:38Z")
She is. IMHO, I don’t care if your cookies/cakes/pies/treats are store-bought or made from the milk of virgin goats by moonlight. If I like what you are handing out, I will compliment you on your choice/talents/abilities. In my family, my father is the baker. He loves making desserts, cakes and pies, doesn’t really care to make meals. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/6 "2012-11-07T15:32:04Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Sounds like a good response to me as far as petty conflicts go. However, I would challenge her to a bakeoff in front of the whole office and come decked out in chef’s gear and really play it up. And the secret ingredient is…PAYBACK! _Allez cuisine!_ ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/7 "2012-11-07T15:34:25Z")
Oh, she’s most definitely being the bigger jerk. Miss Manners might frown slightly upon your refusal to save a piece for her, but I think that under the circumstances you’re entirely justified. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/8 "2012-11-07T15:34:37Z")
I think she wins this contest. Even if she is just socially inept, and is dragging out a tease long beyond the annoyance date, yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/9 "2012-11-07T15:35:46Z")
> [@hrhomer](#): > > If she actually thinks you’re faking it, and is calling you on it, she’s cunting it up old-style, and does not deserve your baked goods, and sorely did deserve this: I suspect she’s just teasing. I don’t take to teasing well unless I’m already friends with someone (and, excepting message boards, I don’t tease mere acquaintances). As I have no intention of eating any of the cake my ownself, and there’s more than enough to go around, I’ll admit to just being mean here. As Rhymer Rule something-or-other is “There’s no kill like overkill,” if she is still being a bigger jerk I will have to up the ante. 😃 > [@Minnie\_Luna](#): > > In my family, my father is the baker. He loves making desserts, cakes and pies, doesn’t really care to make meals. I love making meals, though for different reasons than I have for loving making pies. I like the process of putting different dishes together, of looking at my larder and figuring out how to make a meal not merely satisfying but tempting solely from what I have on hand. > [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > Oh, she’s most definitely being the bigger jerk. > > Miss Manners might frown slightly upon your refusal to save a piece for her, but I think that under the circumstances you’re entirely justified. I actually thought about Miss Manners when I began the thread. I think she’d be on my side, actually, since I have no obligation to save her a piece and did not implicitly offer to give cake to all & sundry. It would be another thing if I had put the cake in the break room and left a sign said “Enjoy yourself–unless your name is Lucy, in which case you can bite me.” (Obviously that’s the next step.) ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/10 "2012-11-07T15:37:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I suspect she’s just teasing. I don’t take to teasing well unless I’m already friends with someone Yeah, I know how you feel. That’s something I’m sensitive to as well. So either way, no cake for her, PROVIDED you have made your annoyance with her accusations / teases clear. ---
**Author:** ![foopyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3e96dc/32.png) [@foopyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foopyx)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/11 "2012-11-07T15:42:09Z")
I’m going to guess that the department admin is really hot. Also, fuck that cunt. She should say nothing but thank you. Perhaps one comment can be construed as a failed attempt at humor. But to repeat the lame “joke” which you obviously didn’t appreciate the first time, makes her come across as a snarky bitch. Put her in her place. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/12 "2012-11-07T15:48:21Z")
Saying “I don’t believe you” is a bit jerky, but coming by “ridiculously early” in order to mooch a slice of cake and then asking you to save her a slice is just plain bad manners, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/13 "2012-11-07T15:49:38Z")
> [@foopyx](#): > > I’m going to guess that the department admin is really hot. Nope. _Receptionists_ are (sometimes) hired for being hot; _admins_ need to be organized, smart, and reliable, all of which which she is (though happily not especially ambitious). A wise man keeps a good admin happy, as she can either make your life much, much easier or much, much harder. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/14 "2012-11-07T15:57:30Z")
> [@](#): > > But then, I’m an unrepentant jackass on many issues, so I don’t care. I believe you’ve answered your own question here. But I’m unclear on whether you do or don’t care? You say you don’t, but this thread says otherwise. We have no way of knowing the nuance of this and whether this woman thought she was being teasing in a jokey, rib the boss, kind of way, is just clueless, or was in earnest. Myself, I probably would have simply said, “Unless and until you can admit and accept that I made this myself, - no more treats for you!”, in my best ‘Soup Nazi’ impersonation, and watch for a response. I would hold fast to my rule, until she admits - not treats! Only I’d do it as good natured fun, as I do not care for unrepentant jackasses, as a rule. (Especially those bold enough to brag on it, as though it were a virtue! How proud their mother’s must be, I always think!) ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/15 "2012-11-07T15:59:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I refused to do that.. explaining that, since she didn’t believe I could actually cook, I wouldn’t want to force her to pretend to like what I had made. Next time, bring in the cake whatever that was the biggest hit with everybody. And along with it, bring in a store-bought version of the same cake. One single slice of the store-bought cake, wrapped nicely, and attach the label from the package. That’s the slice you save give to your “no-man-can-bake” lady— After everybody else has finished off the real thing. Chocolate cake is sweet. So is revenge. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/16 "2012-11-07T16:02:03Z")
Hmmm. I don’t know about that cheesecake, did you get it at 7-Eleven? Anyway, I think you have evened the score, which still leaves you in the “less jerky” category since she started it. You’ve also made your point about being insulted at the implication of pastry fraud. The next time you bring something in, make a point of getting a piece to her, and you should be able to bring in treats without any further comments about them not being homemade. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/17 "2012-11-07T16:13:17Z")
I’m not understanding? Is this some alternate universe Rhymer? Where’s the time/universe hopper? The convoluted hypothetical? The fiendish monkey-demons? She’s being the jerk. Also, you bake?! Never saw that coming. Not casting any aspersions. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/18 "2012-11-07T16:17:54Z")
Chocolate cake can travel from Memphis to Nashville, you know. And I’ll even loudly proclaim “this was baked from scratch by a male internet friend!” as I eat it by myself and don’t share. StG ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/19 "2012-11-07T16:20:32Z")
She’s an asshole. You are mildly snarky. She takes it in one. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/20 "2012-11-07T16:24:36Z")
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