# So who's being the bigger jerk in this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221 "2012-11-07T15:09:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/21 "2012-11-07T16:29:02Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > In one _what_? She takes the cake. Duh! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/22 "2012-11-07T16:40:17Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > Chocolate cake can travel from Memphis to Nashville, you know. And I’ll even loudly proclaim “this was baked from scratch by a male internet friend!” as I eat it by myself and don’t share. > > StG It’s not a chocolate cake. It’s a chocolate chocolate cake–that is, both cake & icing are chocolate. I thought about adding Hershey’s Kisses but that would have required a trip to the store and I didn’t want to miss the election coverage. I then thought about ordering my wife to go to the store for me but I prefer to keep my scrotum attached to my body. In other news I am actually heading to Old Hickory this weekend, with cake, to hang out with my best friend and her husband and cruelly mock them about the election. I’d offer you a piece of cake if I weren’t me. > [@elbows](#): > > I believe you’ve answered your own question here. But I’m unclear on whether you do or don’t care? You say you don’t, but this thread says otherwise. > > We have no way of knowing the nuance of this and whether this woman thought she was being teasing in a jokey, rib the boss, kind of way, is just clueless, or was in earnest. Um… you didn’t think I was looking for people to say I was being _less_ of a jerk, did you? If so you have confused me with someone else. Everybody knows that RhymerVille is a complete moral inversion; it’s in the RhymerFaq. > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > She’s an asshole. You are mildly snarky. > > She takes it in one. So you’re saying I have to be jerkier, I take it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/23 "2012-11-07T16:43:47Z")
Can’t be sure of course, but I think the lady is trying to pay you a compliment. Yes, she’s going about it all wrong, but she obviously loves the desserts, so I’m inclined to doubt that she understands that she is being rude and offending you. Some people have trouble “reading” the reactions of others and have no idea that their idea of friendly teasing isn’t being taken that way. You say you accept teasing only from friends, but some see this kind of teasing as a way of establishing friendship. Likewise for trotting out tired gender syereotypes, etc. to create common ground: we both know men can’t bake, har har! So, she is in the wrong, for being oblivious, but I would forgive her possible lack of social skill and share some cake. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/24 "2012-11-07T16:46:23Z")
It’s hard to say without being there, but my first impression is that she’s trying to establish a rapport with you through teasing and by letting you know that she really likes the goodies. You’re being a jerk by taking it seriously. ---
**Author:** ![boozilu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@boozilu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boozilu)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/25 "2012-11-07T17:10:35Z")
Send it here. I won’t make any comment at all since I will be too busy making yummy sounds. Plus she is the bigger jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/26 "2012-11-07T17:11:10Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > Next time, bring in the cake whatever that was the biggest hit with everybody. > And along with it, bring in a store-bought version of the same cake. > One single slice of the store-bought cake, wrapped nicely, and attach the label from the package. > That’s the slice you save give to your “no-man-can-bake” lady— After everybody else has finished off the real thing. > Chocolate cake is sweet. > So is revenge. > 🙂 I think this is great. Buy her some Twinkies and tell her “here’s some of this cake I don’t know how to bake.” Serve with a smile. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/27 "2012-11-07T17:15:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Um… you didn’t think I was looking for people to say I was being less of a jerk, did you? If so you have confused me with someone else. Everybody knows that RhymerVille is a complete moral inversion; it’s in the RhymerFaq. What? So you _were_ looking for people to say you _were_ being more of a jerk? Did I _what_? Not confused with someone else, just confused! Too big a whoosh for me…I suppose…not sure what you’re after…I’m out! ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/28 "2012-11-07T17:20:23Z")
So, what’d she say when you told her she was getting no cake? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/29 "2012-11-07T17:36:37Z")
The cake is a lie. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/30 "2012-11-07T17:39:45Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > What? > > So you _were_ looking for people to say you _were_ being more of a jerk? Did I _what_? > Not confused with someone else, just confused! > > Too big a whoosh for me…I suppose…not sure what you’re after…I’m out! I was making a joke. I do that. You’d know that if you could be arsed to read the RhymerFaq, which incidentally contains a recipe for turning butterscotch into gold. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/31 "2012-11-07T17:40:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Nope. _Receptionists_ are (sometimes) hired for being hot; _admins_ need to be organized, smart, and reliable, all of which which she is (though happily not especially ambitious). Yeah, sure. No woman can be that organized, smart, and reliable. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/32 "2012-11-07T18:09:18Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It’s hard to say without being there, but my first impression is that she’s trying to establish a rapport with you through teasing and by letting you know that she really likes the goodies. You’re being a jerk by taking it seriously. This is my gut impression too. That said, it’s highly likely she still hasn’t gotten the clue that her behavior bothers you. She sounds kind of block-headed like that. And since my patience for block heads is extremely limited, in my opinion, you can be as much of a jerk as you want to her. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/33 "2012-11-07T18:13:15Z")
Yeah, even if she’s trying to make a joke, she’s being rude as hell and needs to be shut down. I’d go with a “hm, what a sexist thing to say” response, probably. Or “Yes, everyone knows that having a penis makes certain types of cooking impossible.” Or something else to point out how offensive her comment is. And then she has the nerve to try to wheedle her way into the front of the line? Your answer was spot on, I think. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/34 "2012-11-07T18:18:31Z")
She’s being the jerk. Sexism is rude and jerkish no matter which way it’s going, and even if it’s meant to be funny. Sounds like you were a lovely balance of polite and snarky. Kudos. Now may I have some cake? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/35 "2012-11-07T18:20:58Z")
You’re the bigger jerk, for not making brownies for us! But seriously, her. She sounds like one of those people who enjoys teasing and cut-downs in her daily life. Fuck that shit. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/36 "2012-11-07T18:32:13Z")
> [@hrhomer](#): > > \ she’s cunting it up old-style\ Heh. 🙂 So much depends on whether she was teasing or not. It doesn’t sound like she was teasing, though - who the hell questions whether or not a co-worker made the goods in question when you’re getting free yummy snacks at work? I’d say your response was perfect - you want to be a jerk about my baking, don’t eat it. Problem solved. ETA: When I find out that a male co-worker bakes, I trade recipes with him, not question whether he can bake or not. Does she not watch tv? Traditionally, all the best chefs have been male. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/37 "2012-11-07T18:44:12Z")
She’s being both a jerk and clueless. Even if she thought you didn’t bake it, the proper response to free, delicious treats is praise and admiration. Otherwise she has no right to expect more in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/38 "2012-11-07T18:48:11Z")
Not to hijack this thread into a recipe exchange (which would be _hint for Skald_ awesome) but Jaime [Oliver.com](http://Oliver.com) has an excellent chocolate cloud cake. Delicate, rich cake with a wonderful chocolate ganache frosting. Not too difficult, most ingredients you’ll already have, plus I don’t think a bakery would have one. That’ll shush her! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/39 "2012-11-07T18:53:33Z")
I’m astonished to see how many people suggest that it’s okay to be a jerk to someone who might think she’s being friendly. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221/40 "2012-11-07T18:55:08Z")
She’s not being a BIGGER jerk, since you’re not being a jerk at all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-whos-being-the-bigger-jerk-in-this-situation/640221.md?page=3)