# so why did you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 21, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298 "2015-02-21T23:22:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/1 "2015-02-21T23:22:20Z")
I don’t have a story to tell here. The last time I broke up with someone was more than 20 years ago and no one is breaking up with me. but I hear a lot of people tell their stories and it seems like it drives people bananas to feel like they’re not getting the true story of why they’re getting broken up with, but contrariwise those doing the breaking up feel like it would be mean to say the actual reasons aloud or can’t even articulate the actual reasons. Do you know why you broke up? Did you explain the reasons? Tell us the reasons! ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2015, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/2 "2015-02-21T23:27:31Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > I don’t have a story to tell here. The last time I broke up with someone was more than 20 years ago and no one is breaking up with me. > > but I hear a lot of people tell their stories and it seems like it drives people bananas to feel like they’re not getting the true story of why they’re getting broken up with, but contrariwise those doing the breaking up feel like it would be mean to say the actual reasons aloud or can’t even articulate the actual reasons. > > Do you know why you broke up? Did you explain the reasons? Tell us the reasons! It was way longer ago than yours. And about the only time I did the dumping; usually it was a mutual separation or I got dumped. She got to listening to some friends and relatives and met me with this whole scheme of how things were going to be and just how I was going to do them. Basically demands. We were engaged which (I think) made her feel she had the right to do that. I had a new girlfriend and an excess ring the next day. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/3 "2015-02-22T02:04:44Z")
I realized after about a year or so that always, consistently being the number 2 priority in her life (over her kids), while understandable, was simply unacceptable to me. I want to be with someone who I am as important to as they are to me. And that just wasn’t possible there. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/4 "2015-02-22T03:29:21Z")
I got bored. I probably knew he wasn’t “the one” when I married him but I didn’t listen to that voice. It’s been well over 20 years ago and I think I actually told him then the real reason. He was a good guy, just not my guy. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/5 "2015-02-22T03:36:05Z")
I’ve never ended a relationship; it was always her idea. (Well, in one case, it was mutual. We looked at each other and said, “This isn’t working,” and moved on.) ---
**Author:** ![Cell\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Cell\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cell_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/6 "2015-02-22T04:02:57Z")
I don’t think I’ve ended what I would consider to be a serious relationship. The closest I can think of was a “friends with benefits” situation. When it was apparent I did not share her feelings I said something like, “I’m sorry you misunderstood what was going on here but I don’t feel the same about you.” She didn’t take it well. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/7 "2015-02-22T04:25:54Z")
Unresolved issues are a big deal at the time of a hurtful relationship ending. It takes a little time but the reasons will usually become evident when we can look back at them objectively. ``` After my divorce it didn't seem to matter to me why or who was the issue, if issues existed that was good enough reason to end something. ``` ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/8 "2015-02-22T05:54:09Z")
Prescription pill addiction, no monetary common sense, thief, liar, blames everyone but herself. It took me 3 years to pay off all the debts. Wish I would have ended things sooner but I thought it would get better. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/9 "2015-02-22T06:08:43Z")
The last one? Pretty much what **ambivalid** said. He had special needs sons that required a lot of his time and energy. It didn’t help that the boys’ mom stirred things up from time to time. We are still great friends, but I ended it when I realized I would never be first. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/10 "2015-02-22T06:11:39Z")
The Bad Boyfriend, I spelled it out. He had been getting it spelled out by his mother and sister, who’d been warning if he kept doing what he was doing, I’d kick his ass to the curb as soon as I figured it out. He still didn’t understand it. Why would there be anything wrong with wanting your PhD-track gf to drop out and have your babies while you go around sticking your unprotected dick into any hole which stands still long enough? A man has his needs! The Bestest Boyfriend, I didn’t spell it out because I knew that if I did he’d try to counter. No, dude. Some things, the quicker the better. It was a case of general incompatibility (he was bad at listening, I was incapable of grabbing him by the ear and forcing him to listen), not any specific “ohmygod how could you do that!” kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/11 "2015-02-22T06:24:13Z")
> [@racer72](#): > > Prescription addiction. That pill addiction created all those other problems. So I’d just boil it down to his. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/12 "2015-02-22T06:28:48Z")
With my last GF I just basically said I couldnt see living with her the rest of my life and we decided to split. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/13 "2015-02-22T07:01:51Z")
I’ve just been through the final stages of a breakup, so thought I’d share TMI: I met a girl near the end of last year. She was beautiful, and fun, but after just a month or so of dating, my company sent me to another country on training for two months. And basically in that time I cooled off and she warmed up. It’s not that I cheated on her; I just got used to being alone again. When I returned she was all over me and it freaked me out a bit; she was always at my house and virtually all the time she was here she had her arms and legs hooked around me. Really. Eventually I was consciously _trying_ to feel what she was feeling and it just got worse from there. When I told her I wanted to take a step back and be like when we were first dating, she took it as an outright dumping, and that was that. * * * Actually, that wasn’t that. After the breakup we decided to continue to be friends, but actually ended up being “friends with benefits”. However, just yesterday, she invited me to an event and she hit it off with one of the guys there. While I’m sure there was an aspect of getting back at me going on, I also think there was genuine attraction there, so the FWB is probably done. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/14 "2015-02-22T07:01:57Z")
I was dumped because she “liked me too much”. Was that the real reson? Did she think it would be mean to say the reasons aloud, or was she unable to articulate them? Dunno. Never did know: did not figure out years later. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/15 "2015-02-22T11:54:14Z")
I’ve had three failed marriages. The first, we were too young. Took us 9 years to realize it; we parted and salvaged a friendship from it. The second was sheer stupidity on my part. I should have run like hell from that evil bitch and I didn’t. The third had a drug habit that she managed to hide from me for quite some time. Once I found out about it, it was a point of contention for the last couple of years until she dumped me to go live with her supplier. ---
**Author:** ![tuesdayweld](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@tuesdayweld](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tuesdayweld)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/16 "2015-02-22T13:01:08Z")
I ‘cried uncle’ on the marriage upon discovery of infidelity. Trust and respect and ultimately feelings of love were drained away leaving nothing to work with. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-why-did-you-break-up-with-your-boyfriend-girlfriend-husband-wife-other/713298/17 "2015-02-22T13:11:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > That pill addiction created all those other problems. So I’d just boil it down to his. No, she had the other issues before the addiction. It just gave her another excuse.