# So you decided to have your wedding in the Caribbean... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538 "2010-05-15T13:18:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/21 "2010-05-16T01:24:30Z")
> [@Neptunian\_Slug](#): > > This is a tough call. Its definitely not about money. If I couldn’t afford it, there wouldn’t be a question about going. > > I was a mildly irritated at hearing that this was going to be that this was a destination wedding as I guess its called. If I lay out $2,000 for this thing, my only motivation for doing so would be to avoid the inevitable guilt trip that would ensue. \ A wedding invitation is not a summons; you have many excellent reasons for not going - just send a gift and your regrets. Perhaps offer to take her and her new husband out for a nice dinner when they get back in town, but so sorry, we simply cannot attend your wedding. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/22 "2010-05-16T01:27:53Z")
Isn’t the Carribean cheaper in summer? But it sounds like it isnt for you and you should just bail. I would hope anyone who has a destination wedding would undersatnd that not everyone can go (money, work schedule, whatever) Brian ---
**Author:** ![Flymaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c4cdca/32.png) [@Flymaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flymaster)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/23 "2010-05-16T20:07:35Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > It’s all good and wonderful that “its about her” (logical because you state “It’s not about you.”), but there’s no excuse for wanting to be _such_ an attention whore. > > What’s wrong with getting married in a “normal” place? You know, one that’s easy for most people to get to? It seems to me that she’s putting an inordinate amount of pressure on people, not to mention guilt for those who can’t go; kind of selfish of her, really. Nobody should ever feel guilty for being unwilling or unable to attend any event. It’s a party. If you don’t want to go for whatever reason, don’t go. Unless or until the bride judges her friends (completely inappropriately) for not attending, it’s a non-issue. Frankly, I think a lot of destination weddings are the opposite of “attention whore”. They say “We want to invite a lot of people, because we feel obligated, but we don’t want a big wedding.” In Seinfeld terms, there’s a lot of unvitations. A nonvite. ---
**Author:** ![Flymaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c4cdca/32.png) [@Flymaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flymaster)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/24 "2010-05-16T20:09:57Z")
> [@Neptunian\_Slug](#): > > …my only motivation for doing so would be to avoid the inevitable guilt trip that would ensue. If there is an inevitable guilt trip, then it sounds, frankly, like your friend is an enormous boor whose ideas of propriety and etiquette should probably not be considered in any situation. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/25 "2010-05-16T20:21:30Z")
Forget about the wedding, I’d go anyway just to watch [this happen](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAfQwDizpRo). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/26 "2010-05-16T20:25:24Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Forget about the wedding, I’d go anyway just to watch [this happen](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAfQwDizpRo). Is that how they’re SUPPOSED to land? Cause, :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/27 "2010-05-16T20:30:13Z")
> [@Neptunian\_Slug](#): > > I was in Bermuda for about a week about six years ago. Worst vacation that Mrs. Slug and I ever had. By the end of day four, we were so hopelessly bored. You don’t have to go for a whole week, though. Fly in a day or so before, go to the wedding, head out. If you really don’t want to go, then don’t. But the whole ‘blah I hate the beach’ thing isn’t the point. I’m practically allergic to the sun and not a beach fan, but I’ve been to a friend’s wedding on St. Thomas. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/28 "2010-05-16T21:07:56Z")
> [@Flymaster](#): > > Frankly, I think a lot of destination weddings are the opposite of “attention whore”. They say “We want to invite a lot of people, because we feel obligated, but we don’t want a big wedding.” In Seinfeld terms, there’s a lot of unvitations. A nonvite. Sure, but by itself this is an attention-grabber, isn’t it? “Oooo look at me, I’m getting married in the Carribbean…because we can afford to…come, if _you_ can afford it.” Seems to be kind of one-upmanship to me. ---
**Author:** ![luv2draw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@luv2draw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luv2draw)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/29 "2010-05-16T21:37:26Z")
> [@N9IWP](#): > > Isn’t the Carribean cheaper in summer? Yeah, but it’s also hurricane season. If the OP needs another reason to bail. 😃 My opinion? Don’t ever go to an event you don’t want to–whatever the reason. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/30 "2010-05-16T23:27:31Z")
> [@nashiitashii](#): > > It’s not as normal for everyone to be from the same hometown or for everyone to have stayed where they grew up these days, hence the popularity of the destination wedding concept. It sounds like you tried to make atricky situation as acceptable as possible to everyone, which IMO is the best you can do. On the other hand, some poeple don’t seem to exercise the same consideration as you. I am absolutely fine with travelling to a wedding somewhere where one or both of the couple have an association - be that where they live now, where they grew up, where they met or whatever. I’m distinctly less fine with travelling halfway across Europe to somewhere just because they thought it was a nice place to get married and it looked pretty in the brochure. IMO it’s fine to get married wherever you want, but if someone actually wants their family and friends there and cares about their needs, they will try to make it more convenient rather than go out of their way to make it difficult. If someone only wants a small wedding and that doesn’t include me, I would prefer they not invite me at all, than make me feel guilty by having to turn down the invite, or accept and spend money to be somewhere I’m not wanted. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/31 "2010-05-17T00:01:42Z")
This is her dream of her lifetime and she wants you to be pat of it. Now if you can’t you can’t, but if it is the wish of her heart and you help that come true I believe God will bless that greatly, perhaps you will find that trip totally enjoyable and refreshing, perhaps it will open doors in the future to things you can’t consider now. But I feel that she whats you to be part of her life, which if you go you will, and always have her good thoughts towards you. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/32 "2010-05-17T00:51:17Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > Sure, but by itself this is an attention-grabber, isn’t it? “Oooo look at me, I’m getting married in the Carribbean…because we can afford to…come, if _you_ can afford it.” > > Seems to be kind of one-upmanship to me. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/33 "2010-05-17T14:53:49Z")
She couldn’t not invite you; she’s your friend and she’s getting married. How rude would it be of her to think, “Well, we’re getting married far away so we won’t bother to invite the Slugs.” They are telling you that you are welcome at their wedding. It’s not a summons.\* They know few people actually will be able to attend except close family, and that will save them the added expense of a huge reception, as noted above. I agree that you should keep your eyes out for superbargain airfares, just in case you should be able to score something. But don’t sweat it. \*I did this 15 years ago and I regret it. I didn’t invite two of my out-of-state cousins to my wedding because I knew they wouldn’t come. What stupidity was that? They were almost all the family I had in the world, and I blew it. One of them certainly couldn’t have afforded even a modest gift, and I didn’t want her to feel obligated; still, I should have invited her. Crap, crap, crap. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/34 "2010-05-17T15:24:11Z")
As the OP has said, the money isn’t the issue. But time is valuable as well. Destination weddings aren’t just about the expense of the guests getting there, it is also a time investment for them as well. This isn’t just a few hours on a Saturday, it is several days of your life. Since the OP has said they don’t like beach destinations, I would feel no qualms about “bailing”, and neither should the friends that invited the OP. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/35 "2010-05-17T15:46:21Z")
> [@In\_Winnipeg](#): > > Sure, but by itself this is an attention-grabber, isn’t it? “Oooo look at me, I’m getting married in the Carribbean…because we can afford to…come, if _you_ can afford it.” > > Seems to be kind of one-upmanship to me. Your post seems to be _trying_ to take offense at a destination wedding. I’ll admit I’m a bit prejudiced against them, but mostly towards destination weddings where, for whatever reason, the bride (or groom) thinks that _everyone_ is going to come because they haaaaaaaave to because it’s _our special DAY!!!_. If there’s a destination wedding but they completely understand that you cannot make it, that is _totally_different. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/36 "2010-05-17T16:30:00Z")
> [@Neptunian\_Slug](#): > > I was a mildly irritated at hearing that this was going to be that this was a destination wedding as I guess its called. If I lay out $2,000 for this thing, my only motivation for doing so would be to avoid the inevitable guilt trip that would ensue. Then don’t go. Regardless of anything else, nobody wants a guest at a wedding who doesn’t want to be there, much less one who actively wants to be elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538/37 "2010-05-17T16:56:25Z")
I always assume that destination weddings are planed that way because the bride and groom don’t really want a lot of guests - not because they expect people to shell out thousands to attend. Send your regrets (when you receive the invite) send a gift if you like, a card for sure, and don’t feel bad about it. As to **In Winnipeg’s** comments - HUH? Hubby and I had a local wedding and we would have _SAVED_ a bundle if we had just flown to the Bahamas (or somewhere) and got married there. If you’re put out because someone you know had a destination wedding that you couldn’t afford to attend, be annoyed with them for having it, you for not being able to afford it, or the heavens for making things work out the way they did. Don’t project your crap onto some couple that you don’t even know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-decided-to-have-your-wedding-in-the-caribbean/539538.md?page=1)