# So you got a date... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014 "2004-08-28T23:10:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/41 "2004-08-30T21:36:32Z")
Date postponed until a later date, details in the future. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/42 "2004-08-30T22:48:03Z")
Sorry to hear that, man. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/43 "2004-08-30T23:04:06Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Date postponed until a later date, details in the future. Dude…are you me? I also had a (first) date planned for Sunday, and it too was postponed… ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/44 "2004-08-31T00:05:30Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Ok **Maureen** and all of the others that might be interested, I spoke to her tonight and the date is scheduled for tomorrow night, we are meeting for dinner at a casual mexican restaurant familiar to both of us (And NO- it’s Not Chi-Chi’s!! 😃 ). I also made the caveat that if she _wanted to_ we could go see some live music at a bar afterwards ("…if she felt like it, and we could see how dinner went."). I was nervous talking to her on the phone and kind of felt like I got too serious and personal on the phone, it left me with a bad feeling about my first verbal impression and general conversational skills. I am now really starting to think seriously about the Pez idea, I know I could pull it off and I want to make a light and funny personal impression to foil tonight’s semi-disastrous conversation. > Oh, I told her I was crazy too, so I got that out of the way, and she still wants to meet me. Fingers crossed. > Thanks for the moral support and suggestions, I’ll let you all know. > > Peace and Chickengrease > ;j Griebenes Woo Hoo! I _love_ romance. Advice, huh? Oldest in the book: **Be Your Self**. Don’t lie to her at all, in any way, by word or deed. Have fun, and see if she does. 'Course, you knew that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/45 "2004-08-31T00:08:11Z")
What about combining the pez and flower ideas and giving her a flower-shaped pez dispenser? ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/46 "2004-08-31T00:11:02Z")
Wait! Call her back and tell her about the chickengrease. Maybe she’ll reconsider. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/47 "2004-08-31T00:16:02Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Dude…are you me? I also had a (first) date planned for Sunday, and it too was postponed… Maybe y’all had a date together? Who postponed it? Tell ya what, reschedule and don’t forget the chicken grease. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/48 "2004-08-31T05:10:40Z")
The pez idea is really cute, I would laugh at that if someone gave me one on my first date. Call me a sap, but I also like the single rose thought (not that I ever got flowers from my ex-boyfriend, but that’s another story). But the rose can’t be red. If you are going to do it, the rose has to be some cool color, like peach. Or one of those yellow ones highlighted in red. Those are awesome and would win my heart. Granted, so would books on organic chemistry and glassware, so you can’t really go by me. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/49 "2004-08-31T06:07:51Z")
Seriously, I’ve always given flowers. It was just traditional and I thought romantic. Just something I always did, I almost feel as if it is detrimental in my instance nowadays. If I did a woman might think I have ulterior motives and was being a suck ass, or offend her sensibilities…I mean I love romance, sickly sweet is what I want to avoid. The fucking dating ritual is a bitch, so hard to understand women…so hard to understand me. I just don’t want it to go pear shaped. I don’t get many chances at happiness and a future (sex would be nice too…). Eau de desperation neurotik. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/50 "2004-08-31T06:24:51Z")
Postponed=She’s busy preparing for a trip, I have a raincheck and a promise of meeting upon her return. Unless I’m really naieve and blind to a diplomatic retreat. I tend to believe the former. (Franken) Because I’m a good person and people love me, darn it! ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/51 "2004-08-31T20:45:22Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Oh Jesus, leave it up to that show to ruin a good thing for the rest of us. I swear I’d never heard of that, **devilsknew** , but you’re right… If she’s seen it then it definitely loses some of its weight. I’d say go for the Slinky instead. From my experience, BtVS references are not a good idea. At a high school reunion a few years back, one woman said to others as I was standing next to her, “And you know **Sean** , my stalker for this evening.” I found out a year or so later it was a line used in the first episode, one I had never seen. I was a bit insulted, even though I know now it wasn’t meant to be. At least as far as I know. Maybe she hadn’t seen the episode either. Oh crap. ---
**Author:** ![spickspack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@spickspack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spickspack)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/52 "2004-09-01T02:54:02Z")
Don’t give a gift on the first date. Seriously. Not only will you creep her out, but even worse, you’ll appear to be compensating for some insecurity or insufficiency of yours. It doesn’t matter whether you have a problem of this nature, she’ll start thinking so anyways. A first date is an opportunity for you to get to know the girl and decide if you like her and want to continue seeing her – as well as the other way around. A first date is NOT a mission to get the girl to like you. If you think of a date in the second frame as opoosed to the first frame, you’ve already reduced your value in comparison to the girl’s value in your own mind, and the girl will pick up on this frame and act congruently with it. This is horrible. Just go out in a playful, bold, teasing mood, crack a joke or two, ask her some questions about herself and let her talk about things that matter to her, and it’ll be fine. Women think that a man is an excellent conversationalist as long as he lets the woman do most of the talking and appears fascinated by what she has to say. P.S. I think she blew you off with that lame excuse and you’re never going to hear back from her. Just my educated guess. Don’t get your hopes up too much for this one but keep my recommendations in mind for the future. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/53 "2004-09-01T06:51:04Z")
That’s great advice **Spack**. Well, she has assured (promised) me twice in writing that we will get together when she returns and apoligized that she was so busy shopping and putting everything in order before she leaves (she’s going on vacation today.). She seems like a really nice person, too. So I have no real reason to doubt her except my own nagging insecurity. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/54 "2004-09-01T07:16:11Z")
A roll of pepOmint lifesavers is just that, lifesavers. If she’ll accept a freshen your breath lifesaver from ya. It’s usually a good sign that she expects a kiss soon. Now don’t go all octopus on her. A simple, quick but sincere smooch on the beak will test the water. I almost always get a hug whenever I meet someone. Bam, right off the bat. Soon as I introduce myself. That first hug will tell ya lots. Often you’ll get a little curious look from her when the hug or the lifesavors pop up. Tell 'em, “Hey, I’m just an affectionate person.” That’ll usually get a “cool” and her hand in yours. If not then, fuck it. Have a good time anyway, some people are a little more shy than others. BUT you gotta lead. Unless you’re the shy one! If that’s the case you’re probably just fucked anyway. Most aggressive women aren’t into shy guys and most shy women won’t make the first move. Lifesavers…that’s the ticket. Even a shy guy can offer a girl a lifesaver, right? It breaks the ice. Oh wait, that’s another one that works good too. Icebreakers…it even gives you a subject to start a conversation on. Just don’t pull a Cliff Clavin on her. Sorry they don’t have any with evil clowns on the pack. Ya say got it writing huh? Oh well she’s under contract buddy, you’re in. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![petelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@petelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petelin)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/55 "2004-09-01T15:42:48Z")
I personally wouldn’t give a gift on a first date, but if I were so inclined, I think the Pez dispenser would be a great idea. It’s cool, funny, and lighthearted, which is probably the vibe you want to give off. I also wouldn’t worry about the Buffy reference. If she never saw the show, she won’t pick up on it. And _you_ didn’t get the idea from Buffy, so it’s not like you’re plagarizing the show. If she _has_ seen the show (and particularly that episode), she’ll probably bring it up, and if you’re not a fan (which it doens’t sound like you are) tell her you got the idea somewhere else (SDMB)…all true. No lies. All good. (side note: both of my sisters are huge Buffy fans, and if they got the Pez dispenser, their perception of whoever gave it to them would probably skyrocket because of it). And **spickspack** is giving good advice. Most women we go out with end up **not** being “the one”, so don’t assume she is, and act like you _need_ her to like you. The fact is, a date (especially a first date) is just getting to know someone, which should be fun. So do that. Have fun. And if you like the idea of giving her a Pez dispenser, do it. Don’t think it to death. Just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014/56 "2004-09-01T17:07:23Z")
> [@](#): > > And **spickspack** is giving good advice. Most women we go out with end up **not** being “the one”, so don’t assume she is, and act like you _need_ her to like you. The fact is, a date (especially a first date) is just getting to know someone, which should be fun. So do that. Have fun. Don’t think it to death. Just my opinion. I second that wholeheartedly and I’m going to expound on it because I think you need more encouragement to adjust the psychological power dynamic. Try to squash the feelings of insecurity with a couple of tricks: before and during the date (including phone calls to set it up) decide that SHE’S the one on trial here, not YOU. Is she interesting enough? Is she smart enough? Is she good enough for you? Would you want to be stuck in an elevator with her? These don’t have to be serious mate-finding questions, either. They can be merely “is she worthy of a second date with you” questions. If there are second and third dates, you can start to think about thinking if she would be someone you want a “future” with. Add up your good points. Would you be a kind, dependable, stable, respectful, faithful, intelligent partner? Or even date? Those things can be hard to find. Those things can’t be faked for long, and they don’t crumble with age like good looks and perfect bodies do. I just remembered that I was going to respond about the gift and I don’t want this part of my message to be relegated to the last paragraph, because I think it’s important: I think the pez dispenser is a great idea for a second or third date. IMHO, gift or not on the first date is an absolute no, with a few exceptions, this date not being one of them. Enough people have asked about this on the SDMB that I think there should be a sticky cautioning against it. Anyway, back to you: one of the most attractive things a person can have is confidence. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who’s not suitable for you just so you don’t have to be alone. Try not to pin all your hopes on this one date, and it will go fine. Just have fun. I think this advice could help open up the way for additional chances for other dates. There are millions of women in the world. Ogre-like and awful as you are, 😉 if this woman agreed to go on a date with you, I betcha anything there’s another woman who would, too. Especially if you’re confident. Especially if you relax enough to let her see what you have to offer. Maybe she’ll be worthy of you, maybe she won’t. Somewhere there is another one who is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-got-a-date/262014.md?page=2)