# So you want to be an unholy lesbian vampire **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845 "2000-10-29T21:13:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/21 "2000-10-30T01:18:58Z")
Yeah! I’m not all that unholy, I don’t think I’m a lesbian, I’m not a vampire, and unless smashing teams in academic competition counts, I’m not in an army. But I am of the night, thanks to college. That, combined with the fact that **andygirl** likes me, puts me instantly in the ULVAN:) ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/22 "2000-10-30T01:36:12Z")
I’ve been away; hanging out at [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=44130) thread all day waiting to have sex with rich strange men, take their money, and then eat their carcasses. So far I’ve had no takers, but I think that still qualifies me for the unholy and possibly the vampire part of the requirements. But I’m already a member anyway, right? -----😛 —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/23 "2000-10-30T01:38:30Z")
Lessee… 1. I’m Jewish, bordering on apostate 2. I know some lesbians, does that count? 😃 3. Can’t help you with the vampire thing. 4. I was in the Navy (but I was in Army ROTC in high school) 5. I work 4 pm to midnight and seldom make it to bed before two a.m. and I never wake up before nine or ten a.m. Please keep me informed as to the progress of my application. Robin ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/24 "2000-10-30T01:40:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*That, combined with the fact that **andygirl** likes me, puts me instantly in the ULVAN:) \*\* I swear… you tell a guy you think his chest is sexy just once, and you’re never allowed to forget it… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/25 "2000-10-30T01:58:00Z")
Ooh, ooh, can I be the **V** iceroy of the **U** nholy **L** esbian **V** ampire **A** rmy? 🙂 I am most unholy. Even though I love women, I’m not _technically_ a lesbian, but I do have first-hand lesbian experience. Twice I had former girlfriends leave me for “the other girl” (though I did have fun while it lasted ;)) I’m not a vampire, but I do become a wolf during full moons. I have no military experience, but I could probably design some strap-on weapons and diving equipment. I am nocturnal. Oh, and I can recruit real lesbians at work if you need me too. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/26 "2000-10-30T02:00:06Z")
Can I play one on TV? * * * Yer pal, [Satan](http://www.members.tripod.com/jmspoofe/sdmb/satan.jpg) \*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six months, three weeks, 0 minutes and 56 seconds. 8160 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,020.00. Extra time with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 8 hours, 0 minutes. **THE YANKEES WIN! THAAAAAAH YANKEES WIN! 1996 · 1998 ··· WORLD CHAMPIONS ··· 1999 · 2000 26 Titles! The #1 Dynasty of all-time! And most importantly… RULERS OF NYC!!**\* ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/27 "2000-10-30T02:03:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*I swear… you tell a guy you think his chest is sexy just once, and you’re never allowed to forget it… 😉 \*\* Hey, hey. I said you liked me. I never said anything about whipped cream, cherries, and “Flowers for Algernon” . . . 'Sides, if I said your chest was sexy, you’d never let me forget it:p ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/28 "2000-10-30T02:26:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Falcon \* > \*\* > > 1. Sqrl says I’m **90%** lesbian. Maybe I could be an auxillary member? > > \*\* What? Your elbows holding out on you from having your gate swing the other way? ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/29 "2000-10-30T03:05:14Z")
1. Be unholy … Let’s see. I occasionally worship the goddess of Chaos. Kallisti! 2. Be lesbian … no, but there have been moments of temptation, and I have been propositioned more than once. 3. Be a vampire … Scorpio, red-head, pagan - whats’ one more thing? 4. Be in an army … all Irish women are great warriors. 5. Be of the night. … there is anything else? In regard to flexible, my hips are double-jointed. Hmm? ---
**Author:** ![PurePhreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7993a0/32.png) [@PurePhreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurePhreak)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/30 "2000-10-30T03:24:19Z")
1.definitley unholy 2.Unfortunatley male 3.Have been known to suck blood 4.I have a marine corp. shirt 5.what better time to be awake ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/31 "2000-10-30T03:25:49Z")
Well I am certainly unholy, though I’m not a lesbian or a vampire. So my question is are there places for sorcerers in the ULVAN? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/32 "2000-10-30T03:26:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*What? Your elbows holding out on you from having your gate swing the other way? \*\* Silly Shirley:) You want axillary there, right? Bit to the left, perhaps? Careful . . . your cat seems to think the axillary’s a scratching post . . . and . . . this . . . thing . . . _drops axillary_ isgettingalittleheavy. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/33 "2000-10-30T03:29:13Z")
Well, **andygirl** , Dark Princess, you started it now… ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/34 "2000-10-30T03:35:28Z")
Well, screw y’all. I already have my own [secret army](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=35244). ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/35 "2000-10-30T04:18:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by andygirl \* > The Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night is now beginning it’s Samhain recruitment drive. To join, you must meet_\* one or more \*\*of the following critera: > > 1. Be unholy > 2. Be lesbian > 3. Be a vampire > 4. Be in an army > 5. Be of the night. (emphasis mine) 1)yes 2)no (straight guy) 3)will be if necessary 4)see 3) 5)yes So can I join? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/36 "2000-10-30T04:52:57Z")
1. I’m Pagan _and_ a Role Player 2. Um I don’t think I am cuz I like guys too much. 3. I play a few of them in Role Play and love Vamp literature (I even dream I’m a vampire) 4. Nope 5. I hate going to bed and stay up whenever I can. Even if I lay in my bed reading with a flashlight for another couple of hours after I should be asleep. I think I meet the criteria ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/37 "2000-10-30T14:22:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*The Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night is now beginning it’s Samhain recruitment drive. To join, you must meet one or more of the following critera: > > 1. Be unholy > 2. Be lesbian > 3. Be a vampire > 4. Be in an army > 5. Be of the night. > \*\* Hmmm…I apparently meet none of the criteria. 1. I’m a Methodist (of the liberal “alcohol-drinking” branch) 2. No, but that would explain a lot. 3. Blood! Yech! 4. See number 1. 5. Zzzzzzzzz… So, if I met a member of the ULVAN, would both of us disappear in a cloud of smoke? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/38 "2000-10-30T15:11:17Z")
Will joining the ULVAN help me to impress the ladies? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/39 "2000-10-30T15:27:45Z")
1. Be unholy the nuns thought so when I was in catholic school 2. Be lesbian Nope, but I like the porn 3. Be a vampire I enjoy a good bloody steak every now & again 4. Be in an army Member of the Straight Dope Army Rank: LT Little\*Bit-Interrogations/POW Handler (IPH/SP/19 SO) 5. Be of the night Although most of my posts are durring daylight hours, it is only because I spend my night time being unholy, watching lesbian porn, eating raw red meat, while tying up men & making them do my bidding. Can I be in? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/40 "2000-10-30T15:29:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > \*\*Will joining the ULVAN help me to impress the ladies? > > ;)\*\* Oh Twisty hon…you ALREADY impress some of us. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845.md?page=3)