# So you want to be an unholy lesbian vampire **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845 "2000-10-29T21:13:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/41 "2000-10-30T19:48:21Z")
Like Rasa, I’m more of an unholy bisexual creature. (Also, we both hail from RI. Hi Rasa!) I’m not a vampire, but my sisters swear my father is… he never eats during the day AND he stays up all night… Perhaps I’m half vampire… As for being either in the army or being a night person, weeelllll, not so much. In fact, I’m a really perky morning person. But I AM unholy: I’m a recovering Catholic. (That must count for something.) So if that doesn’t violate the spirit of the ULVAN, I’m in! I’d be happy to serve as a liaison to the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Girl Scouts of the Late Afternoon. As a troop leader, even. (My ex-GF, who I met when we were both counselors at Girl Scout camp, would undoubtedly approve!) ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/42 "2000-10-31T02:37:23Z")
Right. So all applications thus far will be accepted providing a satisfactory answer to the following question: What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/43 "2000-10-31T04:20:40Z")
> [@](#): > > What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? Um I’m afraid I don’t know that since… well… _looks around carefully_ I am a virgin… I dunno about nubile though… they would practice on me though if that’s alright with andygirl ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/44 "2000-10-31T04:31:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*Right. So all applications thus far will be accepted providing a satisfactory answer to the following question: > > What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? \*\* Slowly… ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/45 "2000-10-31T04:34:53Z")
Umm that’s supposed to be could not would… typo there… or maybe my brain was moving opposite my fingers ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/46 "2000-10-31T05:17:12Z")
1. more or less 2. I wouldn’t have thought so, but the Magic 8 Ball declared that I was one the other night, and who can argue with that? (I s’pose that accepting a Magic 8 Ball’s decree on my sex life adds to #1 . . . ) 3. well, no. 4. Army brat, if not in myself . . . 5. but of course. and, of course, with equal parts of flattery, debauchary, and caution . . . ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/47 "2000-10-31T05:30:32Z")
Requirements: 1. Be unholy - I’m not terribly religious… 2. Be lesbian - Everyone THINKS I am, is that ok? 3. Be a vampire - Every second tuesday night, baby. 4. Be in an army - Currently, no, but after this, maybe 5. Be of the night. - Right now? _checks watch_ Yep. Let me in? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/48 "2000-10-31T05:43:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? \*\* Make her (him?) think you just want to be friends. Then move in while s/he is asleep. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/49 "2000-10-31T16:18:04Z")
Okay, I’m unholy, vampiric, and of the night. That’s three out of five! Count me in. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/50 "2000-10-31T16:27:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? Gentle enthusiasm and good food ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/51 "2000-10-31T16:45:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin? \*\* Get her drunk. 😃 :: D&R:: ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/52 "2000-10-31T17:55:09Z")
As a heathen night person and duly-nominated honorary lesbian, I hereby nominate myself for the position of Chief Houseboy, Lube Holder, and Mascot. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/53 "2000-10-31T18:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by andygirl:_ > **What is the best way to seduce a nubile virgin?** Carefully. Don’t want to scare her away from the fold! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/54 "2000-10-31T18:25:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > **… duly-nominated honorary lesbian…** Don’t you need to sleep with women for that job? I’m not as unholy as I once was, not a lesbian, prefer my blood congealed, avoided army service, and should be in bed before eleven, but can I still join? ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/55 "2000-10-31T19:13:57Z")
Sign me up as a charter member of another affiliate: **The Not-Entirely-Nice Likes-Women-But-Isn’t-One Allergic-To-Blood Crossing Guards of the Middle Afternoon** How lame is that? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/56 "2000-10-31T19:24:26Z")
The best way to seduce a nubile virgin? Sheesh. I think I used to be one of those a loooooooong time ago. Lemme see if I can remember what happened… Think, think, think… Oh yeah! Dinner, then a softly lit room, a comfy bed, and some nice music in the background. Oh, and the parents were gone, too. That’s how it happened to me, anyway. But if we’re talking about seducing a nubile young _male_ virgin, well, it’s a little less complicated. A simple “hello” usually works for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/57 "2000-10-31T22:25:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > **A simple “hello” usually works for me.** SPROING! At your service, ma’am! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/58 "2000-10-31T22:33:45Z")
Hey, dropzone…how YOU doin’? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/59 "2000-10-31T22:53:13Z")
Let’s see if I qualify… 1. I’ve received 5 of the 7 sacraments in the Catholic Church…guess that’s pretty holy. Buzzz 2. Well…women are beautiful and everything…but I’m just not willing to give up my big man-hunk o’ Mr. Sunshine. Buzzz 3. Is there such thing as a diet Coke vampire? Buzzz 4. I was at the _Salvation_ Army one time…does that count? Buzzz 5. See user name. Buzzz Too bad. Disqualified on all 5 counts. Maybe you could make me your poster girl? ---
**Author:** ![Nicki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5e925/32.png) [@Nicki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicki)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845/60 "2000-11-06T00:22:01Z")
i’ve been waiting for a group like this! 1.) i am quite unholy 2.) i am quite a lesbian 3.) i am almost a vampire 4.) my girlfriend is a military brat (close enough by association, right?) 5.) i am most defintely of the night i haven’t seen daylight in 4 days! can i be a lady in waiting? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-be-an-unholy-lesbian-vampire/38845.md?page=4)