# So, you want to kill superhero... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 11, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604 "2003-07-11T01:10:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/21 "2003-07-11T18:18:51Z")
…get Sean Connery to play the character in the film version. Wonder Woman: let her languish in development hell/turnaround trying to get her movie made. By the time it’s greenlighted she will have wasted away or have be played by Calista Flockhart, same difference. The Flash: Strap a suitcase nuke to him that once activated will explode if he slows down below Mach 10, he will have to slow down or stop due to fatigue at some point. Just to make sure, lure him to Boston first and trap him in the Big Dig road project. How to kill the “invulerable” Brit? Sic a dentist in a Maggie Thatcher mask on him. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/22 "2003-07-11T18:20:06Z")
> [@](#): > > I know the new green lantern’s immune to that, but I was talking about the original. Ah! But the original Green Lantern isn’t vulnerable to yellow, either, so it doesn’t work anyway. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/23 "2003-07-11T19:35:48Z")
Call up the Flash. Tell him you are a scientist that needs his help. seems you have a new treadmill that once it reaches a certain speed will start up a perpetual motion machine that will power all the childrens hospitals of the world. Once he begins to reach a few 1oo miles per second casually inform him that the machine will explode if it the speed drops below 99 miles per second. Not only will it destroy the building but will detonate the bombs in all those children’s hospitals. While he is busy trying to think of a clever way out of the situation he won’t notice baseball bat you pulled out to beat him over the head while screaming “who’s tough now fast boy! Who is tough now?!?!” ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/24 "2003-07-11T19:48:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shy guy \* > \*\*Ah! But the original Green Lantern isn’t vulnerable to yellow, either, so it doesn’t work anyway. \*\* Wait, which green lantern can’t effect yellow things? If there is one, then paing yourself yellow and get a very large yellow missle and shoot it at GL. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/25 "2003-07-11T20:22:33Z")
kingpengvin: Your idea for killing the Flash won’t work. Barry Allen is a scientist and knows good ‘n’ damn well that perpetual-motion machines don’t exist. Prepare to get a Mach 12 ass-whipping. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/26 "2003-07-11T20:47:27Z")
Wasn’t the Barry Allen Flash killed off in _Crisis on Infinite Earths_? ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/27 "2003-07-11T20:49:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > \*\*Uh… _ **no** _. > > There is only one lasso of truth. One. Diana is the sole possessor of said lasso. > > You might be thinking(I use the term loosely, spunk boy) of the Golden Age version where she would lose her powers if a man welded her bracelets together. Post-Crisis that is no longer a plot device that can be used. > > I doubt you’d be devious or fast enough to get the lasso, thus leaving Wonder Woman free of your roller derby Charlie’s Angels fantasy. \*\* No, I’m sure I read somewhere that Amazons are powerless when tied up. Or did I dream it?.. Anyhoo, this is _just one possible way_ of achieving the desired goal–namely, coating Wonder Woman in peanut oil. Er, and thereby killing her. There are undoubtedly thousands of other means to the same end. For example, consider the following scenario: a weary yet triumphant Wonder Woman leaves the field of battle where she has just foiled another of Mars’ plots to throw the world into chaos. Exhausted from her trials, she does not notice the faint golden tint visible through the transparent hull of her Invisible Jet. Perhaps she detects an elusive “peanutty” smell in the final seconds as the Jet’s door slides open–and she discovers that the entire Jet has secretly been filled with purest, sweetest peanut oil! The force of the sudden deluge knocks her off her feet and she slides helplessly across the freshly slickened ground, her arms and legs all in disarray, oil dripping from her jet-black hair and pouting lips, pouring across every supple curve of her body, outlining every taut muscle… er, and then she dies. Another option would be to have Power Girl cover\* herself\* in peanut oil, and then tackle Wonder Woman in an attempt to transfer the oil by rubbing their bodies together as they wrestle. See? The possibilities are endless! ---
**Author:** ![Boobka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Boobka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boobka)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/28 "2003-07-11T20:56:18Z")
Couldn’t you just extend your hand in a sing of peace to Green Lantern, then casually slip his ring off and drop it in a storm drain. Then proceede to shoot him in the face? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/29 "2003-07-11T22:43:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kunilou \* > \*\*Once again, you’re making the mistake that all evil geniuses make. > > YOU AREN’T AROUND TO ACTUALLY WITNESS THE DEATH! > > Faster than you can say “It’s a trick!” the black hole will spit the coffin into another quadrant, where it will fly close to a yellow sun. The outer lead layer will melt away, the inner Kryptonite layer will burn up and Superman will be re-energized by the yellow sun. He will then make his way back to earth and kick your ass. > > My suggestion – turn Lois Lane evil. It’s the dame. There’s always a dame. \*\* CURSES! Foiled again! I’ll get you, Last Son of Krypton!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/30 "2003-07-11T22:51:09Z")
Beating Flash up won’t work, because he can vibrate through you and your weapons, causing you to explode. Taking Green Lantern’s ring also fails, because he can use it when he isn’t wearing it. In my experience, many heroes who you could never hope to confront openly can be killed through stealthy poisoning. For instance, Flash or Green Lantern are almost unbeatable in a fight. But why not just slip some tasteless, odorless, extremely fatal poison into their food when they are eating out? ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/31 "2003-07-12T00:01:40Z")
What you do not smell is iocaine powder. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/32 "2003-07-12T00:35:05Z")
Hebesphenomegacorona… 1940’s Green Lantern: Alan Scott. Blond hair, god-awful costume, ring based on magic, no effect on wood, 24-hour recharge limit. 1950’s to 1994 Green Lantern: Hal Jordan. Brown hair, much better costume, ring based on alien technology, no effect on yellow, 24-hour recharge limit. 1994 to current Green Lantern: Kyle Rayner. Black hair, ugly costume, ring based on alien technology, no weaknesses, recharge limit based on energy use. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/33 "2003-07-12T00:36:06Z")
THat might wrk for wusses like the Flash and the Green Lantern, but Spider-Man’s Spider Sense would warn him were he about to ingest poison. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/34 "2003-07-12T00:38:22Z")
And, of course, killing Aquaman would be child’s play. It tool all of the other Super Friends just to keep his butt _alive_, fer cryin’ out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/35 "2003-07-12T01:11:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hebesphenomegacorona \* > \*\*I know the new green lantern’s immune to that, but I was talking about the original. > :wally ;j :smack: :dubious: 🆒 \*\* The original Green Lantern is vulnerable to wood. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/36 "2003-07-12T01:13:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Terrifel \* > \*\* > > Another option would be to have Power Girl cover\* herself\* in peanut oil, and then tackle Wonder Woman in an attempt to transfer the oil by rubbing their bodies together as they wrestle. See? The possibilities are endless! \*\* Endless in a purile, pathetic display of sadistic masturbatory fantasies gone awry. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/37 "2003-07-12T01:15:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hebesphenomegacorona \* > \*\*Wait, which green lantern can’t effect yellow things? > If there is one, then paing yourself yellow and get a very large yellow missle and shoot it at GL. \*\* He could grab a large object and use it to deflect the missle, or could coat the missile with a variety of substances and thus grab and destroy the missle. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/38 "2003-07-12T01:16:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*Wasn’t the Barry Allen Flash killed off in _Crisis on Infinite Earths_? \*\* Yup. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/39 "2003-07-12T01:17:11Z")
I think you mean “puerile.” (From the Latin _puer_, meaning a boy who is still a juvenile.) ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604/40 "2003-07-12T01:19:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*I think you mean “puerile.” (From the Latin _puer_, meaning a boy who is still a juvenile.) \*\* I misspelled it, thus you are correct. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-you-want-to-kill-superhero/187604.md?page=3)